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The Republican party is like a 14 year old right now: smelling strange, awkward and confused about what to do with that peach fuzz on its upper lip. The current GOP is trapped in an identity crisis to rival all others and after the monumental failure and embarrassment of, generally, the 2008 McCain campaign and, particularly, Sarah Palin, it comes as no surprise that this flailing value-less party is searching desperately for a Messiah.

As if Michael Steele’s ill-conceived “hip hop” makeover wasn’t bad enough. Now you guys throw poor Kenneth Bobby up there to rebut the Stimulus Package… Here are the top 10 reasons Gov. of Louisiana, Bobby Jindal, can’t light a candle to his opening act, Barack Obama:

10. Whereas Barack Obama reclaimed his birth name, and thus his primordial identity, after being called Barry for much of his youth, Bobby Jindal rejected his birth name, Piyush, opting instead to go by “Bobby”, after Bobby Brady.

…Uhh, deep thoughts… (WTF?!)

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9. Bobby Jindal = Kenneth Parcell; Barack Obama = Superman. ‘Nuff said.

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8. Jindal’s delivery…. sucks. Barack Obama’s NEVER does.

Jindal’s BAD national debut here.

7. David Brooks, conservative columnist for The New York Times doesn’t even like Jindal. And that’s pretty sad. Brooks described Jindal’s debut as “a disaster for the Republican party.”

6. Jaise Uncle Tom tha, vaise Bobby Jindal gorey Republican ka chamcha hai, nahmean? Ha!

5. Despite receiving a degree in Biology from Brown, Jindal is still a proponent of teaching “intelligent design” in schools. Go figure.

4. Barack Obama declared America a nation that  “does not torture” last night. But did you know that Bobby Jindal signed a bill authorizing the chemical castration of those convicted of certain sex offenses? Ouch.

3. He’s a poser. After publicly opposing President Obama’s Stimulus package and defiantly refusing the $3.8B that was coming to Louisiana, he quietly turned down $98 million and took the rest: $3.7 Billion. Way to take a stand.

2. Where Obama made, and continues to make, serious and game-changing efforts to transcend race, Bobby Jindal is the latest pawn in the Republican Party’s thinly veiled attempt at leveraging identity politics in an otherwise indentity-devoid post-election GOP. (read: Sarah Palin)

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AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON BOBBY JINDAL AIN’T NO BARACK.. ::drumroll please::

1. Barack Obama met his wife at a law firm in Chicago. Bobby Jindal may have met his wife at her exorcism.

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CLICK HERE for footage of Gov. Jindal’s Republican response to President Obama’s Address.

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