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Personally, I’ve long ago wizened to the point where I answer either “it doesn’t matter” or “it’s not that many”. Gone are the days where immediately afterwards, I’d rush to tell. Then I’d lay there smugly and wait for her answer. On the occasions that her number was higher than mine, I’d be devastated.

What kind of monstrosity am I laying next to?

Her number could have been “2” and I’d still have been horrified.

Numbers were the topic the other night at my Factotum-like night gig. The guys, fresh off their internet mini-celebrity from having starred in the Presidential Monogamy or Platinum Player blog weighed in on the two numbers that always come up at the onset of any relationship.

“Just call me baby-Wilt!” joked our 22 year-old cat, referencing NBA Hall of Famer Wilt Chamberlain’s claim to have bedded more than 20,000 women. His number was actually 15 “hoping to make it 16 this weekend” and he wouldn’t want a girl with numbers “in double digits”.

Our 35 year-old Spanish cat’s number was 25 and a girl that had bedded more than 5 guys was “too much”.

Our 39 year-old Haitian “freak”, who was bathed in champagne at birth by his father and uncles, had a number of 25 and “wouldn’t touch” a girl with more than 10.

Subbing in for 55 year-old married Ghanaian shift supervisor was a 21 year-old Czech who’s number was 7 and “couldn’t deal” with a girl once she hit 2 or 3.

Our 29 year-old married cat’s number was in the 40s and he thought the limit for a woman should be 5, “unless they’re not all in the same place. If they live in other places, she could have had more.”

“300”, said our 26 year-old brother. He said it matter-of-factly, without a trace of either pride or braggadocio. He said it, in fact, as if he were responding to my asking the time of day. He was also pretty liberal in terms of women, allowing a potential wifey to have had up to 75 former lovers.

Our 25 year-old Italian cat’s number was “unknown”, but certainly less than 25. How many dudes could his potential wife have slept with? “Zero. She’d hafta be a virgin.”

Our 20 year-old cat’s number was 13. His limit for a woman was 8 “if she’s my age. She can add 2 a year as she gets older.”

What’s your number(s)?

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