NOTE: The New Yorker article NewsOne cited in the post below is, in fact, satire. We apologize for reporting the piece as fact. Just to make sure, we also contacted Sen. Paul’s Communications Director, Moira Bagley, who said that the Senator never made the remarks. That said, The Borowitz Report is widely know for satire, something that not everyone on our staff at NewsOne is aware of.
Many Republicans are reportedly calling on PresidentBarack Obama to reveal that songstress Beyoncé actually lip synched during his inauguration on Monday and then resign from office immediately, reports The New Yorker. The obscene demand for Obama’s resignation is being spearheaded by Senator Rand Paul (R-Kentucky, pictured), a 50-year-old, chest-puffing, card-carrying member of the nation’s Tea Party movement and a self-professed “constitutional conservative.”
According to Paul, Beyoncé’s alleged “Memorex” singing brought shame upon the presidential administration:
“By lip synching the national anthem, Beyoncé has cast a dark cloud over the President’s second term,” said Sen. Rand Paul (R-Kentucky). “The only way President Obama can remove that cloud is by resigning from office at once.”
Even though the media has had a field day with Beyonce’s alleged lip-synching — with many wanting to burn Beyoncé at the stake for her musical faux pas — no one has squarely put the blame on Obama until now. Paul contends, “We must remember that this happened on President Obama’s watch.”
The questionable Senator also claims that the President hiding the lip synching proves that he has something to hide, “[This] only serves the argument that this President has something to hide. If Beyoncé lip synched the national anthem, how do we know President Obama didn’t lip-sync his oath of office?” he said. “If that’s the case, he’s not legally President, but just to be on the safe side, he should resign anyway.”
Where are those men with the white coats and safety nets when you need them?!