Here’s What The President Would Say If He Could Go Bulworth

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In the overly dramatic story entitled “An Onset of Woes Raises Questions on Obama Vision,” the New York Times reports that President Barack Obama has privately expressed his desire of “going Bulworth,” a reference to the political comedy movie of the same name starring Warren Beatty. If you don’t remember the movie, just know that it was one of many bad choices Halle Berry has made in her career — and she had really, really terrible hair in the film. Oh, and the soundtrack was full of rap songs.

Watch a clip of “Bulworth” here:

That said, the reference speaks to Obama’s yearning to drop his lingering damns in a box and get all the way blunt with his political adversaries and pundits alike. Longtime adviser David Axelrod, whose heard the reference himself, says, “Probably every president says that from time to time. It’s probably cathartic just to say it. But the reality is that while you want to be truthful, you want to be straightforward, you also want to be practical about whatever you’re saying.”

Yeah, but that’s not fun.

What if President Obama could get a break and say exactly what’s on his mind? Here, I put together a number of responses I think the President would offer if he could.

On the Justice Department’s seizure of Associated Press reporters’ phone records: “I didn’t have anything to do with it. And really, why would I go out of my way to piss off people who already get on my nerves?”

On the IRS playing politics: “Listen, haven’t y’all read my book? I barely talk to my own uncle, let alone Uncle Sam. The acting director is gone. Damn, are you happy now, Gina?”

On the 37th try to repeal Obamacare: “F**k the GOP’s thoughts and feelings.”

On his failure to force Congress to pass even a modest gun-control bill: “If I could pistol whip those cowardly Democrats and good-for-nothing Republicans in to voting for background checks, I would’ve asked Michelle for her old piece already.”

On being asked about Beyoncé and Jay-Z’s trip to Cuba: “That’s exactly why TMZ and Buzzfeed are going to put those other media companies out of business.”

On calls for impeachment over the Benghazi scandal: “You’ve got two options: Kiss my natural Black ass or choke on the ashes of my Newports.”

On keeping our embassies safe: “If you’re not giving the State Department the money to prevent security breaches, shut your happy *sses the hell up.”

On arriving to press conferences late: “I don’t love them hoes.”

On immigration reform: “Try me if you want to about not passing reform. I’ll be leading the wobble at Hillary Clinton‘s inauguration. Both times.”

On Elizabeth Warren taking the Obama administration to task over not taking the banks to court: “I’m having trouble answering this question because Elizabeth just rightfully caused my jaw to fall to the floor.”

On his next Supreme Court appointment: “It’s not right to wish for people to die, but let’s just say I wouldn’t be mad if it were Scalia and Clarence Thomas won the raffle for a first class ticket to the crossroads.”

A man can dream anyway.

SEE ALSO: Julian Bond Defends IRS Targeting Of Tea Party Groups, Says They’re ‘Racist’

Michael Arceneaux is a Houston-bred, Howard-educated writer and blogger. You can read more of his work on his site, The Cynical Ones. Follow him on Twitter: @youngsinick

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