OPINION: The Guide to Dealing with the White Man

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At the end of Richard Pryor’s thoroughly brilliant skit “Wino & Junkie” from his thoroughly brilliant, Grammy Award winning album, That Nigger’s Crazy, Pryor’s wino tells his junkie, “You don’t know how to deal with the white man, that’s your problem. I know how to deal with him. That’s why I’m in the position I’m in today!”

I always imagined that at the end of that skit, the extra laughs were generated because Pryor’s wino simulated taking a liquor bottle to the head. That’s just how I think.

But similarly, you folks out there might have problems in your day to day dealings with the white man and I have decided to take it upon myself to help.

Now, in the case of the white man, it’s very important to know who you’re dealing with. So I’m going to lay out four things (4) which will give you the insight to YT that you’ll need to get by.

  • 1) Watch Woody Allen‘s Annie Hall. As a bonus, in addition to being white, Allen’s also a Jew. That’s like getting a burger with cheese.
  • 2) Listen to the BeatlesAbbey Road album. I could give you better albums by white people, but none that will better explain YT like this one. You’ll get ‘em, trust me.
  • 3) Read (that’s right you Lazy Spooks-there’s a reading assignment) Hunter S. Thompson‘s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. The foundations for today’s white man were laid by Thompson’s drug-crazed insights.
  • 4) Watch HBO’s Entourage. Here you get the white man of today as he sees himself. He is simultaneously the star, the manager, the sponging family member, the sidekick and the agent. He’s likely actually none, but he thinks he’s all.

And there you have it-a white man you can deal with because now, you know him. And trust me, after you’ve completed this guide, you’ll be in the position I’m in today!

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