CONVERSATION: Tavis Smiley and His Band of Nutty Professors

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Subprime Smiley and Nutty Professor #1

Subprime Smiley and Nutty Professor #1


Tavis “Subprime” Smiley: The monthly meeting to hold President Obama accountable is now in session. Who’s on the line?

Dr. Cornell “Soul Brother #1” West: First I’d like to thank Brother Tavis for bringing us all together on this historic occasion. You don’t get enough credit for all you do for our people.

Professor Michael Eric “Snoop Doggy” Dyson: One, two, three and to the four. Professor Michael Eric Dyson is at the door.

Skip “Fuck tha Police (FTP)” Gates: I’ll speak to your mama on the line. Just Kidding. Present.

Eddie “Good Lawd” Glaude: Brother Tavis, “Who’s on the line” is a deeply prophetic question. I guess one could say I am on the line in the same way the Holy Spirit is in the world. So I’ll be heard and felt even if I am not seen.

Subprime Smiley: That’s deep. Can someone unpack that for me?

Soul Brother #1 West: I think what the dear brother is saying is that the Holy Spirit informs our prophetic voices trying to enlighten the masses of our brothers and sisters on the failed Presidency of our dear brother even if the 98% of our people who support the brother don’t want to hear it. It reminds me of my rap album, Sketches of My Culture –available at amazon.com and on itunes.

Snoop Doggy Dyson: Classic. Should have went triple.

Subprime Smiley: Your reward will be in heaven. You brothers are truly geniuses. Any updates on our efforts to hold the President…

All in Unison:  ACCOUNTABLE!

Soul Brother #1 West: Well I was on Bill Maher last week and I made it clear to all that our dear brother did not deserve the Nobel Peace Prize and he was a hypocrite for accepting it since he is a wartime President. There are clearly more deserving prophetic princes of peace among us.

Snoop Doggy Dyson: Church! It would take me hours to decode the homoeroticism embedded in the way the media slobbers all over him, while failing to acknowledge others in the struggle. Do you think CNN and MSNBC even mentioned it when I won the Most Likely to Say Something Strange for a Little Piece of Change Award from allhiphop.com?

Subprime Smiley: Again (pronounced uh-geyn) that is precisely why we are here. We are the only one’s brave, smart and love Black people enough to hold the first Black President…

All in Unison: ACCOUNTABLE!

Subprime Smiley: Dr. Gates are you still on the line? You are awfully quiet today.

FTP Gates: Oh. Yes. Sorry. I’m just so engrossed in watching clips of my next PBS special.

Good Lawd Glaude:  I cannot wait to see your hermeneutical approach to the ungodly stain that racial profiling has on the fabric of our republic.

FTP Gates: I can’t wait to unveil it. It will be on PBS in January. Check your local listings. I am likely to win another MacArthur Genius grant for it. I’ll turn racial profiling on its head. By using DNA testing, racial regression analysis and complex statistical modeling I will demonstrate that I actually have more Irish blood in me than Sgt. Crowley and President Obama combined. Fascinating.

Snoop Doggy Dyson: Skip G. is the off the heezy, baby.  If you pull that off, you’ll be smacking hoes and clocking grip like your name is Dolemite. On the real, any word on my faculty appointment to Harvard?

FTP Gates: I’m trying brother…you know white folks.

Subprime Smiley: While we are on the topic. Any progress on my Harvard Honorary degree? This life experience degree from Indiana I received in 2003 would glow brighter with a little Harvard hook-up.

FTP Gates: I’m trying brother…you know white folks.

Good Lawd Glaude:  As that wise King Solomon said so profoundly and augustly in Ecclesiastes, “to everything there is a season”.  And Dr. Gates when the season comes I’ll gladly trade this Princeton Orange for Crimson, which symbolizes the blood of the Lamb.

Operator: You have reached the time limit on your free conference call from freeconferencecalls.com

Subprime Smiley: Well as always, we’d like to thank Nationwide, they are on your side. Until we speak again (pronounced uh-geyn). Keep the faith and keep holding the President’s feet to the fire.

All in Unison: ACCOUNTABLE!

Black Progress is coming.

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