The “rule of thumb” in regards to wife beating is a myth.

What they left out was violence of women toward men. Most women (and a lot of men) think it is “okay” for a woman to resort to violence, but it is wrong if the man reciprocates her actions. I am almost willing to bet that Rhianna committed violence against Chris BEFORE he stomped that azz. It is all too common for women to think this is okay. It is just as common for men to let it slide. How many men here have been slapped (or worse) by a woman, and didn’t do anything in response to it? You my brothers, are part of the problem. I have let any woman I was involved with, that I would never hit her for words or actions, but if she was to hit me, than she would get knocked the f*ck out. Guess what? I have never had to hit a woman, because a woman has never tried to hit me.

Oh yeah. Forget the argument about a woman can’t hurt a man like a man can hurt a woman. Will the average 5′ 6″, 130 pound man, hit a 6’4″ 300 pound man because he said something he didn’t like? And if he does, is he expecting not to get hit back?

We know at one time it was legal in this country for a man to beat his wife as long as whatever it was that he used to beat her wasn’t bigger than his thumb–it’s known as “the rule of thumb”. It wasn’t until Lorraina Bobbit cut off her husbands p***s did the issue of whether a woman had the right to refuse her husband sex, was adjudicated again. At one time she couldn’t and it was legal.

I submit to you that the violence that our youth are displaying is a direct consequence of the world/culture they were born into. They are acting out what they have seeing, hearing, reading or experiencing from the day they were born. They are a product of the environment we, the elders, have created for them.

Sadly, Rihanna, as pretty, rich and successful as we may take her to be is still a product of a culture that doesn’t value women the same way men are valued. That also includes women who do not value themselves as much as they value a man–so the question is how do we create a society where everyone has value and is respected, whether they are 90 pounds or 390 pounds with muscles, male or female, black or white,etc…?

Hip Hop needed its woman’s movement, and the last few years have been a blast. We needed our voices heard. We wrote books, dropped albums, made doc**entaries, launched initiatives, built youth programs, nonprofit organizations, conferences, shows, support networks, and Hip Hop Association even declared 2008 the “Year of the Woman in Hip Hop.” It was inspiring. I don’t know how many records or books it sold or how many careers it launched, but I know we all got a little more press. I also know that programs were funded, stipends were dished out by universities, and all of a sudden, everyone wanted a token woman in Hip Hop at their fundraising dinner. I also know that women who were the most active in their communities realized there was a whole network of sisters doing just the same all across the world, all because of this “Women in Hip Hop” spotlight. Was it self-empowering? Yes it was. Did this at all have an impact on domestic violence numbers? I’m guessing not at all.

The reason we have fallen short on impacting public policy is because we let misogyny dominate the conversation. It’s not exactly our fault; many of us didn’t know it was happening. Journalists wanted to know what parts of ourselves we were sacrificing to be in Hip Hop, feminist and women organizations wanted us to generate youth interest, colleges wanted us to speak on the subject, and we were caught off guard. But now we have to come back and face the consequences. In the field of the Hip Hop movement base -the artists, the hood, there are places where this conversation has not only alienated our male counterparts, its reinforced divisions between organizations and individuals on the local level, and even blocked open honest dialogue on sexuality and relationships amongst women ourselves. Here is why:

Liken misogyny in Hip Hop to domestic violence in relationships. Now, look at the detrimental impact that compartmentalizing the issue of domestic violence has had on families, especially in the case of people of color and immigrant communities in the criminal justice system. I was in court earlier this week and a Bosnian woman crying while pleading the judge to release her husband in custody. She said, “In my country when you call the police, they help. Here they don’t listen.” It’s also been show that public financial assistance programs also have divisive consequences in the relationship of parents, reinforcing a negative cycle of unhealthy relationships. Thus, the human rights advocacy and service provision framework that centralizes women as victims of either her partner’s abuse or his inability to provide is unhealthy because it is divisive in real life application. Likewise, focusing on misogyny is incorrect for the Hip Hop movement base because it removes real life women artists and activists from their relationships, family, and community context.

While I agree that Americans need to think change their thinking about dating violence, domestic abuse and gender equity, we need a holistic, empowering approach to reach the masses and address the root causes. For women in Hip Hop, in the context of the broader movement, this means refusing to let the misogyny and domestic violence discussion further criminalize our brothers, sons, cousins, and fathers, who are already either disproportionately imprisoned, or out dying on the streets. For a Hip Hop public policy initiative on dating and domestic violence to make real changes, we need to turn our energies toward healing our families and communities as one.