OPINION: We Should Mind Our Own Business In Chris Brown Vs. Rihanna
When I heard that Chris Brown hit his ex-girlfriend Rihanna, I was concerned and surprised. I also found myself irritated by the fact that many women, along with my teenage daughters, were quick to forgive Chris for his actions, primarily because they think he has a great voice and a cute face. I had little sympathy for Chris Brown, and doing something like that to one of my girls would’ve had him singing a cappella for the rest of his life.
RELATED: Rihanna: Chris Brown “Had No Soul In His Eyes”
But that’s where I have to get off the Chris Brown bashing bus. In spite of my frustration with Chris’ behavior, I cannot endorse the media’s decision to turn his relationship with Rihanna into a one-sided slugfest, committed by yet another violent black man whose rage consistently overrides his intellect. I also cannot endorse Rihanna’s decision to bring ABC News into her relationship, portraying herself as the completely innocent victim who was terrorized by the big, scary black man. Yes, she is the victim, but we all know that love is not that simple.
Let’s be clear: No man should ever put his hands on a woman in a violent way. We all agree on that. Not only is it morally wrong, but it’s an easy way for a man to find himself in jail (especially if he’s black). We should also agree that no woman should put her hands on any man. The second point might be subject to disagreement, but the truth is that you shouldn’t hit someone if you don’t expect to get hit back. While that person might end up being punished by the police, you might end up in the morgue. We can also agree that the disproportionate amount of force that a man is capable of inflicting is a legitimate reason that the man is more to blame than the woman, even if both parties are involved in a physical altercation.
RELATED: Rihanna Says Working On Album Helped Her Recovery
But the problem with Rihanna’s appearance on ABC News is that there is no productive reason for any of us to hear the details of a relationship between two 19-year olds. I’m sorry, but most relationships at that age are fundamentally stupid, and hearing one side of the situation is almost always going to guarantee that you’re not going to get the whole truth. If only I was allowed to go onto national TV at the age of 19 to tell the world about my terrible college girlfriend who slapped me repeatedly just to get my attention. Yes, I thought she was a horrible person, but the truth is that we were both pretty ridiculous in our behavior. Of course, Rihanna’s situation is different, since she was the victim of serious physical abuse, but the truth is that she can focus on fighting against domestic violence without using ABC News as a platform to get everyone to hate Chris Brown as much as she does. Yeah, there was the whole “I still love him and wish him well” speech, but we all know that you can massage someone with your right hand and stab them with your left.
Secondly, given that there was no logical reason for Rihanna to turn ABC News into an episode of “Everybody Hates Chris,” one can only conclude that her interview was a publicity stunt. I think that Rihanna’s message could be just as effective if she were to say, “I have been physically abused by a man. I believe that any woman involved in domestic violence should leave the relationship.” That would be enough. We don’t need the he-say, she-say, with all the juicy details in-between. The alleged goal of the conversation is to teach young women like my daughters to stay away from violent men and to teach couples to love each other more effectively. The objective was not to make this into a national soap opera.
Finally, let’s not forget this important point: Chris Brown was 19-years old when the incident took place. Chris is not R. Kelly, a man who is probably too old to be redeemed or even trusted. Chris likely learned some valuable lessons from this experience, as young love teaches lessons to us all. The idea that Oprah Winfrey and others would abandon and condemn Chris rather than counsel and scold him implies that their hostility toward Brown was likely a projection of their own painful experiences with men. Let’s be clear: Chris deserves to have his butt kicked over this one. But he is too young to be condemned as some kind of irreversible monster. Love between teenagers can be both passionate and explosive; damn near anything can happen. Don’t pretend like you don’t know this yourself.
Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Professor at Syracuse University and founder of the Your Black World Coalition. He is also the author of the forthcoming book, “Black American Money.” For more information, please visit www.BoyceWatkins.com.
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we should have been minding our business a LONG time ago.. this happened more than nine months ago and the media should have let this story go on into the wind at least six months ago.. and it is just me or does it seem like that this story–which was a waste of time–was almost to the end until Rihanna did that damn interview on ABC News?? i just hope this doesn’t run over into the new year..
Damn!!! We “STILL” talking about this? Perhaps if the media stop SHOVING IT DOWN OUR THROATS we can talk about something else. People gonna have their opinions about this thing but at the end of the day we all know who wore the bruises. If RiRi & Chris moved on it is time for the rest of the world. Enough Said!!!
***If you want some “REAL” issues to talk about, how about how we are going to rebuild this economy, restore the job market, house foreclosures, decrease of nuclear families, a weak healthcare system and escalating crime rates??? This is the s#!t that negatively impacts us all (smh)!!!***
I am actually happy that they put some men up there who were abused.
We sould mind our own BUSINESS but when you got the NEWS MEDIA run’ing this BULLSH^IT in the ground and the NET too. What else can we do OTHER than TALK about it? I say THEY both LIED about what really HAPPEN and Chris man’d up to his part and Rihanna KEEP lying. MEN die just LIKE a woman do and it be the WOMAN who is the VIOLENT one. VIOLENCE is VIOLENCE nomatter WHO’S hand it COME from.
As long as a woman decides to hit a man, and multiple times at that should be prepaired for that man to strike her back, end of story. This classless chick, Rihanna hit Chris Brown first and he’s being portrayed as the bad guy, yet in reality she was wrong for taking it there so he reacted to her assault by assulting her back and we don’t know the true story why it happened. She might look innocence and portray she’s angel, yet her actions is of a devil is what we all need to obverse her actions, especially in her music lyrics, we all may see the truth!
As I have said from the start, who cares!!! Everybody is going to form their own opinion no matter what and no matter what was said and done all this made him look bad. Everybody felt sorry for her because she was a “victim”. OH PLEASE!!! Chris was a damn victim too! Both of them should have gotten arrested. The whole damn story is one-sided. I don’t feel sorry for her at all. I’m not saying she deserved it, but come on now.
I definitely agree with SO_PURDI on this one.
We WERE minding our own business when the media started plastering these two people’s faces all over everything and running the gossip about them in a heavy rotation. Now that everyone’s been force fed this hogwash for the last few months, here’s the media asking us, no, telling us to mind our own business.
I have a suggestion for the media: keep your stupid gossip to yourselves and we won’t have a problem minding our own business.
Well put Dr. Watkins!
@ SWANKness….
i think your dumb as a Rock…. you have a very strange way of looking at things… i hope you are wiser than your comment… you could find your self broken in half or dead with the ideas you have about violence…
Im sorry to come at you so strong, but your wrong for saying “if she did hit him, that still didnt give him the right to beat her up the way he did..” and the “Chris Brown put HIMSELF in that suitation” statement you made is so stupid….
Re-Read the article and try to gain some insight to open your narrow mind…*** damn…
Im sorry BP fam, but i had to say something….
I THINK THAT SINCE IT WAS PUT OUT IN THE MEDIA THAT WE DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO TALK ABOUT IT IF WE WANT. REALLY IT ISN’T NONE OF OUR BUSINESS. I FEEL LIKE NO ONE SHOULD PUT THERE HANDS ON ANYONE. I DIDN’T BELIEVE CHRIS BEAT RIHANNA UNTIL I SAW THE PICTURES, AFTER THAT HE LOST ME AS A FAN, THEN I FOUND OUT ALL THE THINGS THAT SHE DID THAT MADE HIM PUT HIS HANDS ON HER IN THE FIRST PLACE AND THEN SHE LOST ME AS A FAN. ON BOTH OF THEIR PARTS IT WAS VERY CHILDISH. I FEEL LIKE HE SHOULD’VE JUST WALKED AWAY. WHEN YOUR YOUNG LOVE CAN MAKE YOU DO SOME CRAZY THINGS, BUT IT’S SOMETHING THAT HE IS GOING TO HAVE TO LEARN FROM. NOBODY IS PERFECT AND THAT’S WHAT WE ALL NEED TO REMEMBER.
People really need to stop tripping over this Chris Brown and Rihanna thing. But I did see Dr Watkins talk about this on CNN and he has said all along that Chris is not a bad person, but he just did a bad thing. I personally think that maybe Chris is a bad person, but we can’t judge him if we don’t know him.
I applaud Rihanna for having the strength to say I will not be treated this way and I will not be involved with a man who could treat me this way. This is a message that young people need to hear and it echos what I teach my daughters. I think saying this on the big stage that is 20/20 is fine. If the media made her picture the lead story for months why not use it to tell you side of the story and hopefully wake people up.
How this chick going to said that he has no soul in his eyes but this chick is in the boule
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By: DaSunshine Gibson-Westbrook … A Personal Testimony of a Terrible, Abusive experience of a Woman of God as she lived her life with a man she married for love and stayed with for 7-Years. Her EX-Husband was an Ordained Minister, Co-Pastor of a Prominent Church and Elder in the House of God’
Every story is different. I have seen women get in a man’s face, and I have seen women who do all they can to please a man and both have gotten beat down. Nice men get the badgirl, and nice women get the badboy. Bottom line is, the devil stays busy! But why did she sit on his keys, though! If a man hit me upside the head he better take a picture because he won’t be seeing me no more.
Thank you, Mr. Watkins. I stated that this wasn’t our business on another blog site and got rained on, somewhat. But what I meant is this, it became our business when the charges were filed, person arrested and then case was settled.
After that, we don’t need to know the juicy details of what happened or how one was feeling at the time. That information is for the counselors and therapists. Honestly, I think it was to sell her album.
If anything, we need to mind our own business in cases like this that involve celebs. Above all we need to be skeptical of any accusations because in the end both parties want to make a dollar off of their misfortune.
But the root cause of this mess that no one has mentioned is the access to so much money at ages 19 that they think that the earth revolves around them. And add in no home training and common sense…accident waiting to happen.
I think honestly that we’ve been had.
so we should mind our business when we see a girl gettin the s**t beat out of her on the street? domestic violence KILLS & breeds hate to the younger generation..it should be openly talked about & Rihanna shouldnt be attacked for telling HER story. Chris Brown put HIMSELF in that suitation, not the media ! I dont feel anything for Chris, saying im sorry while reading from a teleprompter is not sincere. if she did hit him, that still didnt give him the right to beat her up the way he did..
THANK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUU! FINALLY! DAYUM. I SEE HOMEGIRLS GETTIN THE EARTH WIND AND FIRE KNOCKED OUT THEY AYUSS AND GUESS WHAT? THEY BE STARTIN GETTIN ALL UP IN THE DUDES FACE, PUTTIN THEY FINGER IN THE FACE BLAH BLAH BLAH…. HAPPENS EVERYDAY LEAVE THEM ALONE. RIHANNA IS THE DEVIL. LOL SHE PRETTY AND ALL BUT SHES EVIL FOR LETTIN THIS GO ON LIKE THIS ACTIN LIKE A VICTIM. BLACK WOMEN U KNOW GOOD AND WELL HOW WE ARE. CASE CLOSED
We need to all grow the hell up. Chris did most of the damage, that’s true. But Rihanna is hard core. She admitted that they were dangerous for each other, which means that she was doing her share of the dirt. Let’s stop saying that chris is the only bad person when they both need to get their heads checked. But Chris needs to stop doing this stuff or he’s going to end up in prison.
I agree with the writer’s comment. As a woman we have always been protected by this “boys dont hit girls” teaching. I feel that it is about time that as women we take responsiblity for our actions. I think she should stop riding the self pitty train and own up to her part in the assault. Men are stronger than women by nature in most cases and if you start a fight you must be prepared for what comes with it. I have two boys and I would be outraged if they abused a woman. But also I would be outraged if they were injured by a woman who hid behind males don’t hit females. Being a woman is not a free pass to assault a man. This whole incident is sending the wrong message to our youth, both male and female. This type of behavior is not alright under no circ**stances. When is a man alllowed to defend himself against an attack? No he did not have to be as brutal as it appears that he was but we still don’t know all the details. I believe that we should give him some credit for not exposing all of her dirty laundry as she is doing to him. She has continued to thrive in her career and he is left holding the bag of shame. It’s not fair.
This is so whack!! Number 1 she is only going to tell her side of the story. Number 2, it is court record that she hit chris multiple times before he struck back, why wasent she arrested? I dont promote domestic violence against anybody, BUT i feel like if you hit somebody u deserve to get struck back! If im not gonna let a man put his hands on my why would i let a women? And it is messed up oprah wont let chris say his part, but her audince are women anyway!
I so totally agree with the writer here.. My morning news should not be interrupted to show some Rihanna clips with ABC news.. For one, I don’t give a damn about Rihanna or Chris Brown!! Second, the girl is lying when she said that she hopes him success while sitting there bashing him and telling a one sided story.. Thirdly, my friggin morning news got cut for that crap, are you f**k’n serious?!?!?!?!?!?!