More Single Black Women Choosing Adoption
From CNN
Wendy Duren thought she did everything right.
She broke off relationships with men who didn’t want to settle down. She refused to get pregnant out of wedlock. She prayed for a child.
Duren’s yearning for motherhood was so palpable that her former fiancé once offered to father a child with her. But he warned her that he wasn’t ready for marriage.
“I get bored in relationships after a couple of years,” he told her, she recalls.
Those events could have caused some women to give up their dreams of motherhood. But Duren, a pharmaceutical saleswoman, didn’t need a man to be a mom. At 37 years old, she decided to adopt.
“It’s the best decision I could have made in my life,” Duren says, two years later. She’s now the mother of Madison, a 1-year-old daughter she raises in Canton, Michigan.
“People say I have never seen you so happy,” she says, “but it’s also the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
What’s driving more single African-American women to adopt
Marriage and motherhood — it’s the dream that begins in childhood for many women. Yet more African-American women are deciding to adopt instead of waiting for a husband, says Mardie Caldwell, founder of Lifetime Adoption, an adoption referral and support group in Penn Valley, California.
“We’re seeing more and more single African-American women who are not finding men,” Caldwell says. “There’s a lack of qualified black men to get into relationships with.”
The numbers are grim. According to the 2006 U.S. Census Bureau’s American Community Survey, 45 percent of African-American women have never been married, compared with 23 percent of white women.
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SMART!! A LOT OF DUDES R NOTHIN’ BUT SPERM DONORS ANY WAY.WE DON’T NEED YA’.NO, I AINT GAY!!
who knows? aint nothing like yo own.
The hell with black men- black women. Find yall another women, adopt, get you a lesbo and a cell phone to gossip. Some food to eat, yall be alright.
I plan on using a sperm donor… very unacceptable for a black woman (given the stereotypes of the black community- yes im black myself). Im almost 24, have things going well for myself, relationships just dont seem to work for me (for my part in which I take responsibility for) and I REFUSE to be an older mother (over 30). If it makes sense, why not?
I have no problem with this. Although in the future, I would like to give birth to my own child; if that may ever happen. But if someone wants to be a mother so badly and they don’t just want to have a “baby daddy” but can’t find someone to commit, or if marriage just isn’t their thing and they still want a child, then adopt. Also you have to put the female biological clock in the equation too. That woman who adopted was 37… a little old to try to have her 1st child b/c chances for birth defects rise significantly when a woman is approaching 40 and has a child. I see it as a wise thing for her to adopt.
Plus that gives the child a family so they don’t grow up in foster care or as a ward of the state or whatever. Adoption can be a great thing. My best friend was adopted and she has a great family, her parents are VERY GOOD parents and she wouldn’t have it any other way.
I don’t think the problem is a lack of qualified men though. Ppl just need to know where to look and WORK ON THEMSELVES BEFORE PASSING JUDGEMENT ON OTHERS. Yes there are some messed up men out there, I can attest to that one, but there are also some pretty messed up women out there as well.
Whatever the reason it may be, if someone chooses to adopt, it’s their choice and what anyone else has to say about it doesn’t matter in the least bit.
This sounds all fine and dandy, but just wait til she starts having bad times, she’ll be running back to the adoption office tryn to figure a way to put the kids father on child support…the bigger issue her is the lack of strong women, our parents raised multiple kids with no child support AND daddy had another family on the other side of town, with no problems, now this weak woman screaming its SO HARD i “need” child support after just one child.
and in respond to MzTweetyB…omg gurl u are so right!! I dont agree with that “already married, in a relationship, or are gay”. BUT me being 19 years old (and everybody would agree that the youth is messed up)….There is a decrease in black men applying and enrolling into schools. I would love somebody my age but these days they come with children and a bad past they cant let go of, a lot of them hold onto that “hood” mentality. If school isnt for u then at least create a business ( i feel like if I did why can’t u?)..And yes if I see 1 more broke ass person with 26″ rims on their old cheap beat up car i am going to have a fit!…I was adopted by people who were past the age limit to adopt so I was raised with that old school mentality brought up with sam cooke and the supremes and them, I have morals and manners… men my age dont have manners or any kind of proper structure…BUt since I am advanced for my age I only click with younger guys on a friendship level, I dont want older men because well they are getting old and plus I dont want kids yet…so even though I am 19 lol i always tell myself I am probably going to end up adopting or something
in response to philly215 you should really slap yourself for saying that dumbness….beauty is beauty and as far as me, im not no Mo’Nique but I am a plus size woman and I am far from less or not attractive. I’ve come and I keep coming across good black men, the problem is is that they are older. Since i graduated high school at 15 and I earned a bachelors and now I am about to earn my masters in spring 2010, I have my own house/car/business etc.. so the men I attract are older men (not no old dirty bastards but I do run into them lol) i just dnt pursue them because in a couple years they want children and I dont want any lol….but my point is that u said “no man, whatever color, sees an overweight woman as attractive” sweetheart I have not gotten done wrong by a man yet, im always told im beautiful by fine ass ball player lookin ass men and just men in general and women i’ve never been called ugly a day in my life so weight has nothing to do with beauty, people like what they like I aint mad at u for not like plus size women because I cant stand men less that 6ft.lol…but dont speak for all men and try to down fuller or bigger women
MzTweetyB,
I have a bone to pick with you.
Black men haven’t met YOUR qualifications? Maybe you have not met some of their qualifications.
Word of advice, if you are going to be covert about s**t, then at least be smart enough and say that Black men and I have not meet EACH OTHER’S qualifications. LOL
@Philly215,
You had beaten me to the punch! LOL I caught that “lack of quality Black men” bulls**t line too.
I verify and co-sign on your comment big time!
Personally, I agree with the adoption process…I am actually looking into it as an option. I am not saying that there a lack of “good” black men, but I will say that I haven’t met many that meet MY qualifications…those that do meet them are either already married, in a relationship, or are gay–either way they are unavailable to me lol. I want someone educated with a college degree, saved, and knows how to have nice time, and physically attractive to me–unfortunately there aren’t many in my age group that fit. As a result, I am open for adoption because I do want to be a mother.
This article is just another way to degrade black men. Theres a lack of qualified black men?!! Please, why not mention that alot of black women are overweight. No man, whatever color, sees an overweight woman as attractive. Also the mean attitudes? Is be said for about two decades the poor attititude of black woman. Look at yourselves before you try to place blame on black men.
i want to add 1 more thing. thank you for posting a topic that doesn’t belittle degrade or show hatred
I think this is a good idea. I don’t see myself getting married at all so when I am done with school and have a better paying job I will definitely open my home up to a child in need. I won’t be lonely and the child will have a loving mother.
I concure with one of the comments posted regarding most womens “ideal man list” centered around shallowness and materialistism. There are plently of decent “black” men out there; however, if these men posess a characteristic outside of that “list” then they are SOL.
A bunch of people are over here fussing about lack of good black men, and less than worthy women ect… but the MAIN TOPIC is that more single black women are adopting.
Regardless what the reasons why single women (regardless if race) are adopting children is a honorable thing. Much respect.
Lack of qualified black men.Thats a load a crap.The problem is black women feel as though they are better than black men(way way better)Which is not true(why cant we be equal).I can out survive and out do 95% of women easily.But a black man being smarter than them is well beyond their comprehension.Which makes me think about their mental compacity(just to be honest).How does that feel?
I be coming to check out articles and yall be taking shots at us(as a whole?).Its ridiculous.
I think adoption is cool.Im going to adopt kids someday.I love kids.
What this article is telling me is that more single black women are adopting for money(the wrong reason).If you can mother a child and choose not to because of a possibility of not having a man in your life forever and than turn around and adopt says to me you are looking for financial support.Why because you put money before passing on your genes.Just my honest opinion.
Its world of kids who need us.If you love kids and know what you are doing.Adopt.
Lack of qualified Black men? That sounds like a personal comment to me…LOL
this is a bad idea. why should decent black women have to clean up the mess trashy black folks make? maybe black men should stop walking out on their kids, and not just giving their seed to anything that moves.
Well if the woman wants to adopt than so be it. That’s her choice. If that man thought that she was a good enough woman to raise a child with…he should have married her. He just wanted to play house.
Its about time!.. Its better than them ignorant idiots who try to get pregnant to receive Child support!
i think its a great idea but I think they should learn and take the time out to really think about it because us adopted kids need a little extra love
its a good idea to repair kids with broken homes , its never gonna outgrow the rate of people making them
and i hope the are adopting african/black kids. you know american black women are the most self hating people. i bet they are only adopting light babies with “good hair”. whatever the f**k that is. i HATE when the black women at work tell me i have “good hair”.
LEARN how to pick better men and you wouldn’t have so many relationship hardships. stop being so damn shallow and materialistic.