“Empathy is the most important part of any relationship,” says psychologist Albert Maslow, PhD. “It’s the ability to recognize and share someone else’s feelings. Women want their feelings to be understood and validated. Men have to discover this.”
Next time: Listen to your wife, talk about how she’s feeling, and demonstrate an interest in what she’s saying, not just the facts of the problem at hand.
3. Assuming the “king of the castle” role
Consciously or unconsciously, men assign themselves the leadership role in the relationship, when actually, a couple’s relationship really needs to be one of shared leadership. Some men don’t get that being a man doesn’t always mean taking charge.
“They try to get what they want by being dominant,” Maslow says. “But it’s not about making demands or trying to overpower her. Women will pull away from that.”
For example, one common mistake that men often make is making decisions that affect the household without consulting with their spouse first, such as making a large purchase.
“Making big purchases such as buying a car without first consulting your wife is a huge no-no,” Vanderhorst says. In fact, she ranks it second only to infidelity when it comes to marriage-busting mistakes.
Next time: Acknowledge that marriage is a democracy, not a monarchy. Show your spouse the respect she deserves by being willing to compromise, and discuss matters that affect the household with your wife…before making decisions.
4. Not discussing your own feelings enough.
Listening to your wife talk about her feelings is essential. So is talking about your own. Unfortunately, too many men are raised to believe that discussing their emotions is a sign of weakness, which is a mistake. Yes, opening up takes strength and courage, but it’s vital to a strong and healthy union.
“The woman feels like she’s missing a close connection that she wants with her husband,” says Maslow. “When he’s withdrawn, she feels like he is leaving her.”
Next time: Tell your spouse how you’re really feeling, including things that worry you or scare you. She’ll appreciate and reciprocate the trust and intimacy you’ve shown her.
4 Marriage Mistakes Men Make was originally published on blackdoctor.org
