OPINION: When Is Kinky Sex Just Too Much?

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Now, I’ve done some things (hey! hey!). I’ve known some things (hey! hey!). But if a woman were to have ever pulled out a rope on me, I’d have been like, “Wait a minute, wait a minute… you do realize that there’s a history…?”

Same thing with handcuffs, I’d have had to explain that I don’t like the cops. Leather, I think, is too fine a material to ruin with bodily fluids. And whips and chains are for cattle and dogs respectively.

I tried the candle wax thing once and only once because they were scented candles and, well, the reality was that I didn’t like having the smell of apricots burned into my skin.

When I watch porn I’m usually equal parts turned on and horrified. As guys, I think we like to imagine ourselves in the role of the guy in the scene but quite honestly, sometimes I wouldn’t even wanna be the cameraman. I’m also not a big fan of lesbian onscreen sex. I think there should be a guy there if only to hold a glass of wine and talk trash. That’d be me.

Writing all this has led me to understand that I’m probably a bit of a prude! This means that there is absolutely no way that I would have been found dead like the late actor David Carradine.

Carradine, 72, star of TV’s “Kung Fu” and much more recently the movies both of the “Kill Bill” movies was found in a Bangkok motel room this past Thursday hanging naked with ropes tied around his neck, genitals and wrists.

Now, two of his ex-wives have already gone on record as saying that Carradine had a thing for kinky sex. It was probably their secret up until now. Also, some pictures of Carradine’s grisly demise have supposedly leaked—although I haven’t seen them and unlike Cassie and Rihanna’s joints, I’m NOT looking for them.

The general consensus so far is that Carradine’s case is one of auto-erotic asphyxiation, which means that while masturbating, he hung himself.

Be careful, folks.

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