Mother’s Day is that second Sunday in May out of each year that all children are suppose to put their mothers on a pedestal and shower them with praise for raising them through the good and bad times.
But Ebony.com’s resident relationship expert Sil Lai Abrams says that today will be yet another Mother’s Day that she endures with a degree sadness. That’s because Abrams says that her mother was a non-factor in her life. And, unlike the moms who are being celebrated for being there when their children needed them most, Abrams says her mother abandoned she and her siblings during their adolescent years.
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In her recent Ebony.com column titled, “My Mom Doesn’t Love Me,” Abrams writes that, as a “motherless child,” it makes her “cringe” that it is assumed every son and daughter has a mother who loves them. In fact, Sil Lai writes that her mom doesn’t much care for her. And when she and her mom were together, her words were not motherly. Actually, they were rather harsh.
Here is a snippet of what her mother told her when they reconnected some 15 years ago:
When we were briefly reconciled for 7 months back in 1997, she told me point blank “I don’t like you. I wouldn’t choose you as a friend. You just happen to be my daughter. Just because we’re mother and daughter doesn’t mean that we have to be in each other’s lives.” To say her words and actions were devastating would be a huge understatement. As a mother, I can’t fathom saying those words, yet I don’t judge her for choosing not to be in my life. The grown woman in me understands that not everyone is capable of love, or nurturing. I haven’t walked in her shoes. I don’t know her struggles and I have no real understanding of her state of mind. Sometimes things happen that are too painful to process, and the only thing we can instinctively do is close up and shut down. My mother is walled off within herself, either too broken or hardened by experience to desire a relationship with the very people whom she gave life.
Ouch! That was some reunion!
But today is not all bad, however. Sil Lai is thankful that she has two beautiful children for whom she would “throw herself in front of a moving bus.” Not to mention, she is a successful author and sought after public speaker. And while she and her mother have not spoken in years, Sil Lai hopes that next year’s Mother’s Day will not be so bittersweet.
“…I still hope that one day something will trigger an awakening in my mother that will cause her to Google my name and send me an email wanting to reconnect. For no matter how old I become, I’m still my mother’s little girl.’
Read the rest of Sil Lai Abrams’ touching column here.