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*Cue elevator jazz music now.*

Ah, suki, suki now! We didn’t know whether to file this under politics or entertainment. Who knew that GOP Rep. AllenHarriet TubmanWest, with his pompous and pious demeanor, had it in him to be such a little freak?

According to Gossip Extra, they have exclusively obtained a love letter that West wrote to his wife, Dr. Angela West, while he was serving as an army colonel in Iraq in 2003. In it, West acknowledges that he’s not as attractive as the male actors in ‘Soul Food,’ but he’s clean cut, healthy and affectionate.” He goes on to tell his wife that she will only wear two-piece bathing suits on vacation; then he drops the million dollar question:

“Angela, I need to know, are you committed to being my porn star?

He then tells his wife that some sex acts will be “the standard” and are “non-negotiable” upon his return:

“I do not want to hear ‘no’ or ‘we’ll see about that.’ I want my fantasies to be with you. God has authorized you and you only as my partner for intimacy and that is what I want.”

“Get ready!”

Only West could say with a straight face that God wants his wife to be his personal porn star, because we missed that scripture in Bible study. (Kidding, get in where you fit in, Mr. West!)

Normally, this kind of exchange would be considered personal and confidential, but since West makes it his business to insinuate himself in the bedrooms of others — from the LGBT community to women’s reproductive rights — it’s only fair that he sees how it feels.

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