This is dead on, good job. Your second point was excellent.

my experience has been most of these women don’t appreciate a good dude until they’re 40+ yo (always like older women). by this time, they’ve been through the wringer a few times, kids don’t need to be watched or outta the house and they appreciate the simplest sh it that their ol man doesn’t do or ni99as haven’t been doin for’em.

DR.BOYCE WATKINS IS AN AZZHOLE!!! OK THIS BLACK WOMAN HAS A PROBLEM WITH FINDING A MAN SHYT IS REALLY PI*SSIN ME OFF! WHY IN HELL IS EVERYONE ALWAYS BANGIN ON US!! I HAVE OVER 3 GENERATIONS OF HAPPILY MARRIED COUPLES IN MY FAMILY…NO DIVORCE AT ALL! SO THEREFORE MY FEMALE FAMILY MEMBERS HAVE GOTTEN AND KEPT THEIR MEN! THERE ARE ALSO TONS OF BLACK WOMEN TODAY THAT HAVE BLACK MEN, THEY JUST ARENT RUNNING AROUND LIKE KRAKKKA WHITE GIRLS HOLLERING ABOUT IT AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY! IM SICK OF THIS ‘OH THE POOR BLACK MEN ARE DOGGED BY BLACK WOMEN’ MENTALITY. HOW ABOUT EVERYONE JUST STAND UP AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR OWN ACTIONS OR FAULTS IN THE SITUATION INSTEAD OF POINTING RAGEDY AZZ FINGERS AT THE OTHER! HOW ABOUT WE ALL AGREE THAT EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT AND CAN NOT AND SHOULD NOT BE GENERALIZED LIKE THE MEDIA WANTS US TO. HOW ABOUT BLACK MEN STOP BASHING US WHENEVER ONE OF THESE DUMBAZZ ARTICLES IS POSTED LIKE EVERY OTHER FUKKIN DAY! HOW ABOUT WE AS BLACK PEOPLE REALIZE THAT SOCIETY WANTS TO KEEP US SEPERATED BECAUSE TOGETHER, THEY WOULD FEAR US EVEN MORE THAN THEY DO! YOU BLACK MEN MAKE ME SICK BITING INTO THIS HORRIBLE PROPAGANDA TO KEEP US APART! WHEN ALL OF YOUR BLACK WOMEN DO RUN TO OTHER RACES BECAUSE THEY FEEL MORE APPRECIATED, THINK BACK TO ALL THIS BULLSHYT YOU LET THE MEDIA TALK YOU MORONS INTO BELIEVING AND SPOUTING ABOUT US! THINK ABOUT HOW HARD IT IS TO BE A STRONG BLACK WOMEN THROUGHOUT HISTORY, WE HAVE ALWAYS HAD TO BATTLE FOR EVERYTHING, WE NOW HAVE OUR OWN MEN TURNING ON US LEFT AND RIGHT DUE TO KRAKKKAZ IN THE WHITE OWNED AND OPERATED MEDIA FACILITATE HOW WE OPERATE WITHIN OUR OWN RACE! GROW UP BLACK MEN AND STOP THIS NAME CALLING, FINGER POINTING AND WORK WITH YOUR WOMEN LIKE YOU KNOW HOW TO DO, STOP LETTING FAKE AZZ DOCTORS WHO DONT EVEN KNOW YOU TELL YOU HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR OWN KIND!

Well said CaliFemme23. I’m tired of this bs propaganda myself and the puppets who keep talking about it or profiting off it. Any Black person who’s well educated and think for themselves knows this is divide and conquer tatics to keep Black people infighting. The blame game and victim mentality is old and cliche now. It’s time for personal responsibility for actions and self evaluations. If you’re attracting the same type of person, then it’s you!!!!! Also the media needs a major overhaul so it can be unbiased when it comes to reporting information or news about Black people.

1.Whites having marriage issues sounds like a smoke screen excuse. I’m concerned about black america.
2. Men aren’t to blame solely for women not being married. There are men and women who are looking for the right things in the wrong people. Our culture is so superficial it’s crazy. Because of our years of slavery we are also extremely critical of each other when it comes to physical beauty. Too much time is spend on the package and no time investigating the contents. Besides, how does a woman know how to treat a man when her father was never around? She might also be the victim of advice given from a jaded woman(mom) who didn’t do her research on the man she chose to allow to lay seed in her womb. This starts the “what you gonna do for me” and the “all men are dogs” mentality which plays an active role in her dating/match making demise.
3. You are right. How do you expect to get someone that you aren’t?
Example: you want a church going, handsome, faithful, financially successful, educated man with culture and class. You’re broke, go to church once a year, find him at a club, sleep with everything moving, and all you can talk about is all the places he should spend money on you when he picked you up from your $5 hr job. Makes no sense.
4.There are men who are good fathers and to them I give a nod of respect for handling their business. Statistics however show that this is not the majority of men in our culture. I wish people would stop looking at two or three people they know in their circle and then dismissing the 20 that were wack on their way to their friends house.

**Both a father and mother are needed to raise a healthy child. Are there cases where single mothers have been successful?- Yes. That’s the exception and not the rule. That’s what’s wrong with our culture. We need to stop that attitude as women that we independent from men. I’m an independent woman but I don’t need to beat a brother in the face with an forth of july flag pole to prove it. We can’t even relate to each other. Black love has dropped over the years because everyone is looking at the other person for what they can get out of them instead of how great we can be together. Just look at the statistics within our community over the last 60 years.

Little girls and little boys need to see love in the african american home. They don’t need to grow up with baby-momma drama and baby daddy drama. They don’t need to think a man should just hit it, quit it, and whatever baby they have this year by tyrone/adam/bob/harry is cool.
A little girl needs her father to teach her how to see through a man’s game. She needs her father to feel protected and loved. Her father will be her first love so if daddy didn’t care about you and your mom………….that little girl will grow up believing she’s not worth anything. So it’s normal for her to choose a lazy mate who doesn’t care about her, physically/mentally abuses her, uses her money, and doesn’t contribute to the household because that’s her “reality”. My dad was the one to reinforce the lady my mother taught me to be. I recall when I was told to wear another skirt-that one was too short or my dates were intimidated by my father to pick me up. I also know what it’s like to fall asleep and feel totally safe because my dad is in the house. My dad MARRIED my mother before my sis and I came about. He also was the one to relocate to another state, find a job and a place to stay and send for his wife. That’s a man. You can often only duplicate it if you saw it. So hence my expetations are along those lines.
A father is needed to teach a boy to be a man so they don’t have to learn the hard way……..i.e. Babyboy. It just breaks my heart to see all these young boys in the nail shop/beauty salons with their mom’s when they should be watching the football game or helping dad work on the car. And we wonder why the increase in down-low brothers.

**Let’s tell the truth. I’m telling the truth. Unless you are on Oprah status women need to be honest and admit most of them would marry their baby-daddy if they were asked. I always pose the question if the man asked you to get married, would you say…..no thank you, I prefer shacking up with you. Most likely -no. Women are justifying their low self esteem and self worth by acting like they don’t want to be married……plleeeaaassseee.
Your child has a better opportunity to be successful with 2 parents working together in a healthy relationship with love. Two people in the household often means two people working, handling their expenses together and generating more financial stability. Children will understand gender roles more clearly. Generally they will have better self esteem as they will feel more like a loved child than a pawn to be tossed back and forth between two people that want to act like spoiled children. STATISTICS don’t lie.

Who are the majority of children headed to jail for multiple offenses?
Who are the children most likely to be teenage mothers?
Who are the children who go to school the least?
Who are the children with low self esteem and self worth?

While there are many factors that play a role in the questions that I asked you will clearly see what category those children fall into. Now with good parenting and a little help from above children can still be successful.
It took 2 to make em because it takes 2 to raise em.

And to all you women lying about not caring if you get married or not I propose the following activity. Why don’t you pay cash for a Mercedes fully loaded with all the options……….and since it’s just a piece of paper sign it over in my name. Does it make sense to you?

WestsideCartelAtl85, Thank you! you said it..DIVIDE and CONQUER! They want us to be thinner and thinner amongst each other until we are wiped out JUST LIKE THEY WANT US TO BE!

Califemme your words are right on POINT!!!!!!! its like your chatting/writting for ME!!!!!

I desire an African American wife, but only a sincere Christian, African American wife. God bless…

Hello all,

well i am in question about this also. because some women have a guy who wants to marry them and never give the man a wedding date after years of being engaged? whats up with that? wearing a nice ring , have a nice down to earth family man there with you every night. and no date or nothing?
Kevin in Boston.

The most stupid argument there is that men are dogs, yes give the dog a bone he will jump on it. Girls why do u trust your girl friends more than your man. Your man had sex with the bone you bring at your door steps in normal. Then, she refused to forgive the cheater to keep him around to help raise the children. One lousy sex encounter with another woman is all it takes to null a family. Why on earth these crazy women claimed that it hurts them that their men get a piece elsewhere. Stop laying to your selves it did not hurt u in any part when your man was getting the piece. Until u find out then these claims are not valid. Crazy at it sounds do not dump your man for his manhood that he exercises when he did your girlfriend. Otherwise you will spend the rest of your life with the girlfriends b***hing that men are no good and yet your decision to dump is not good for the children and your family. Check out the MORMON women who lived with poligamist.

This is a great article because it introduces a real critical analysis to a very complex societal issue

This is a issue point, blank, PERIOD! Both men and women are to blame, along with the government and I’ll give you the reason why. Most people know this didn’t just start with this generation but it started but in the 60′s and 70′s. What fu*ked up the family structure in Black America was the introduction of welfare! Because in order for families to receive food stamps, males were not allowed to live at the home. So men were still at this time taking care of their families but could not stay there, so as time went on the family stopped seeing more and more the man and then they stopped seeing him all together and this was oppressed the African American family structure for decades. As far as blaming man, yes there are a lot of worthless ass brother’s out there, who have kids with women and don’t take care of them, fu*k every woman they encounter, can’t stay out the street’s and/or jail/prisons, etc. The problems are numerous and the list could go on and on. We as black men need to stand up for what’s important and family should always be number 1, any real man knows that. And as far as the women are concerned, yes sista, blame your fellow triflin ass friends for using men, opening her legs to the brother with the flashy car, the money, the body, the house, basically all things that can fade away with the wind. People forget about what a relationship should have in order to survive and thrive, communication is key. Why is communication so important, because for example you with someone because they are fine aka eye candy. This is the WRONG reason, because if the only reason you with someone is because they are fine, sorry to tell you those breasts that sit up and that booty that’s firm now, they are going to drop south as you age and the now eye candy is going to become a strain to look at. But when you get with someone and you are able to communicate with them, that will last forever. So people with all you close mindedness need to open up, you can’t judge someone because they are light or dark, short or tall, big or small, hair length and etc. But want someone from what’s on the inside, because that will last a lifetime. When you commit to that person, be with them and only them. Because is it worth losing all that you have both built together over a fling?

Finally! Someone with some sense spoke up about this issue, Thank YOU!!!!!!! lol, I feel human again… and not just a bad statistic lol

PRAISE THE LORD!!

(SPEAKIN IN TONGUES) OH SHAMAMLALAMAM..OH SHUNDA HYIATA..SHATA!!!

Finally somebody who not only speaks on women, but does it EDUCATIONALLY!! I’m really feeling this article..I’m going to post this on another venue for folks (women) to read!!

Kudos to Dr. Watkins for offering solutions to the problem. We can go back and for all day, play tit for tat till the sun looses it’s flame, and we all will come up with valid arguments. But in order to resolve the issue…we must begin by saturating our rhetoric with solutions. Thats what intelligent people do. Stop finger pointing and start healing.

Standing up clapping!!!!! Bravo, great article… It is about time someone with some sense write something reading. I am so sick of reading reports dogging black men, as well as black women in national television saying that their are no black men to marry. We have a long ways to go, but this article is a step in the RIGHT direction. Thank you,

Social comments and analytics for this post…

This post was mentioned on Twitter by cherrylaldave: not every1 will agree w/ this but i like some of what this man has 2 say about black women and marriage. or lack of http://bit.ly/60cNi5 #fb…

Oh Praise the Lord God of Hosts!!!! Finally I walk away from one of these stories not feeling like i’ve just been kicked in the privates. Thank you thank you thank you! I have been saying for years that as a people we need to deal with the true issues at hand, and not the over-simplification that comes from blaming all of the problems of Black relationships on lazy/incarcerated/dog minded/insert other common deprecating remark here/ Black males. I’m sending this to everyone I know! Sistas, please take note. Just because you are making personal choices about who to date and not to date does not mean that there aren’t any good brothas out there to date/marry. We may not be the tallest, finest, and make $150K a year, but is that really all there is? Or maybe you’ve just gotten used to that red wine?

@CaliFemme23 – Booooooooooooooooooo, scram we need critical thought, not that garbage you spewing. The stats to support the arguments presented here are real and need to be talked about. You sound like a red wine drinker to me.

Luke-warm analysis, but points worth pondering. The writer hit the “tip of the ice-berg” so to speak in the ongoing “war” and discord between black males and females. But if we’re being real honest here, many people that claim that they cannot find satisfactory relationships ARE immature adults who have made or continue to make bad choices—and then they are sometimes STUCK with the result of their bad choices. Now enter the blame game and so forth. Again, that bad, angry attitude is oftentimes the outcome of continual, bad choices.

EXPECT to be treated well and respond in kind. That’s it, that’s all.

I asked this question a little while ago. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ApHT_pMoyOwTcpHXEQMaAubsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20091223004956AA9eZFw The men’s response was enlightening, the women seemed to be pondering over the same thing.

My feeling is this, it seems as if deep down, men don’t want the successful, power house, woman-who-has-her-own, as much as they want the old fashioned, let me cook for you, cater to you, be there for your every need woman. Society keeps pushing this power house woman, she’s gotta be over educated, career oriented, not seeking a baby nor traditional family. Men have convinced themselves on the surface that that’s the woman they want as well. As we see in Tiger Woods, Morgan Freeman, OJ, etc. they just want a woman who will be there for them, somewhat underneath them, nice to them, listen to them, pamper them a little, and make them feel needed. Since they’re not altogether getting this, they get caught up in the woman that society tells them they should have and then cheat, treat her like crap, get her knocked up or run off. For Black women, we’re really caught up, because unless we ballin’ or have a an azs that you can sit a cup on, SOME Black men tend to act like we not worth sh*t. Even if we have those things the moment that man gets us they’re eyes wonder like Mary J’s man, or they up and mess with the gardener like Morgan Freeman. If we don’t go for ours, then we feel like we’ll miss out on being successful altogether, man and or career, so we take one or the other. A lot of the times women settle! We settle for the guy who has a boat load of children because “well at least he’s nice to me” or the man who just barely gets by because he’s downright lazy, or the guy who’s always ALWAYS running the streets, because at least he’s somebody to come home to. In the end, settling becomes chaos because it’s not enough to make it last and she cheats or he cheats. Either way I think we all need to slow down a little, take the chance to get to know somebody, put God first in your relationship, remember our traditional morals and standards and don’t be afraid to let each other know what you really want in your heart. If it’s not meant to be, it’s just not meant to be. PSALM 37:4

KATrotter, Ok I would ‘boooo’ you right back BUT IM GROWN and refuse to STOOP, (yes stoop means go LOWER) to your level. But I will respond to your judgement of this ignorantly on your part pre-determined ‘red wine drinker’.

That is the point I make, THIS subject has been beaten to death and there is NEVER a fair stand point from either side. I never said no points were made, I never said this person was completely wrong..All I said was IM SICK OF HEARING THIS SAME SHYT TO NO END! With no resolution. The reason why these types of things get on my nerves is because they GENERALIZE ALL of us in one box…Just as we black women dont want to be known as gold diggers,baby mommas, hoochies chasing after thugs, OR only want men who have 100 inch rims..Im sure black men dont want to be known as said thugs, abusers,unemployed and lazy. Because its just not true for ALL of us. If you feel that the stats presented here are real and need to be discussed..Then take a trip on ANY one of the ‘news sources’ here on black planet and youll find this same, tired, worn out, burnt down, ignorant arguement that only turns into black men and women beating each other over the heads verbally and characteristically…Come back and check the posts on here 2morrow babe, you’ll see they are up to about 600, and still NO RESOLVE has been reached, no one is in agreement, BUT you will read some of the BEST known to date physical,mental insults that black folks can come up with. OH! and let me not forget when the krakkka,beaner and chink women come across the headline and decide to come in and tell US black women how to get and keep you guys! LAWD HA MERCY thats always my favorite part!

So in closing to you dear, if I need to get off my ‘red wine’, then you damn sure need to stop snortin those lines if you think articles like this are going to have any positive notion on either side…If this is the FIRST time you have ever heard this shyt, then come out from under that rock you’re beneath. Just like YOU black men dont like the WRONG characterizations against you, damnit we dont like them either!

Women need to STOP SPEAKING FOR MEN, and LISTEN!!!

CLAPS AND MO CLAPS @ CaliFemme23 WHO SAID “THINK ABOUT HOW HARD IT IS TO BE A STRONG BLACK WOMEN THROUGHOUT HISTORY, WE HAVE ALWAYS HAD TO BATTLE FOR EVERYTHING” For real! Its hard to be Black PERIOD. But from having some of the most strongest women I’ve ever met in my life in my family, I know BLACK WOMEN STICK BY THEIR BLACK MAN’S SIDE!!!!! The comparison to Black men dating out of their race to Black women, is vastly different. I don’t know one Black woman who wouldn’t rather have a Black man, a good Black man, over any other type of man. So, I know we’re here for ya’ll waiting to figure out how to put things back together and in perspective. God Bless us we goin get it together!

***Willie Lynch = black MALE versus black FEMALE, dark versus light, old versus young, etc….

***CoIntelPro (FBI) was started to ‘prevent the rise of a black messiah’ (acording to Gay Edgar Hoover)

same old divide and conquer

also we need to work on ourselves too.

Loving and Respecting OURSELVES first, so that we are WHOLE when we enter into a relationship. a relationship being a partnership aka teamwork.

realtalk247LA2GA@ chucch !!!

outroz….

worlds_best_taxman, Ignorant Dr.s’ need to STOP SPEAKING AGAINST BLACK WOMEN, stop generalizing us AND MIND THEIR OWN BIDNESS! How can someone who has NEVER been a black woman speak so fervently on her behalf? If there is one thing I can not stand is someone who does NOT know me to speak on me as if they do…

This is all bulls**t-there is no shortage of black man, and if you’re not able to find a man the problem is you according to Dr. Phil. And I have to be real. Some of you need to take your head out of your ass and get back to reality. And WTF does being 6-2 have anything to do with being a great father to your kids, a great husband and lover. Somewhere along the lines a lot of women forgot that you pick a man by his character, integrity and faith, not by his looks, and money he makes. I make over 6 figures and the s**t I hear women say to me is total bull. I know at least 19 brothers ready to get married right now, but unable to find a sister that they can grow with. And that is the key- someone you can grow with, someone you can have as partner, lover best friend and etc. A person career choice means nothing to how they will treat you nor does their money.

Oh and for those of you black men who dont think there are any good black women, those of you who have had HORRIBLE experiences when dealing with black women….CHECK YA SELF! We as people tend to attract in mirror…I USED to think I was just having ‘bad luck’ with men…until I realized what my personal ‘issues’ were, worked on myself as a person, I then attracted a GREAT black man…All along I was choosing the wrong ones..did you get that you angry, diluted black men…I WAS CHOOSING THE WRONG ONES..maybe, just MAYBE you are too!

The issues that black women face are complicated. They should focus on what on their part of the relationship because they should not stress themselves out on men that may not want to change for the good. I would tick anyone off when they see that the state of the black family and black community in general keeps getting worst year after year. The black Community’s worst enemy is itself not the white man. Hopefully, God will provide us with another Martin Luther King Jr who will be able to guide us to greener pastors, or we will some how wake up, and start repairing the community instead of tearing it apart. God have mercy on the black community.

I have to pay attention to Ms. califemme23, she is speaking truth for you yng brothers right now.

They Need JESUS; For Real And Not For Fake.

AMEN !!! HALLEUJIA !!! FINALLY SOMEBODY HAS GOT IT E X A C T L Y RIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS!!!
THEY SHOULD BE THE PRESIDENT, THEY GOT MY VOTE !!!!

Interesting article. Hey, everyone has a story. Some post are right on pt, some…maybe not. It’s all about your personal experience. Me personally, i’m just not meeting men who want to be COMMITTED. And i don’t mean committed for the weekend. LOL. I can only assume that there are so many women who will give it away for free with no goal in mind for a permanent relationship that it must be very appealing to certain men to have what seems like endless choices of women. I’m talking about men who are older, educated, financially stable, etc…saying no. Younger ones are no different, they still want to play a bit. Some have been through marriage b4 and had bad experiences, so they say, and just don’t want to try again.
I do have high standards, i can admit that. And i don’t mean u have to drive a benz, have a huge house, etc and all those physical things. I mean yes, i want you to be goal oriented, if you’re complacent, we won’t work. If you have trouble keeping a job, yeah i don’t want that either. You have alot of kids with different women, no don’t want that either. You have drug/weed addictions, yeah that’s not what i want. But to suggest (by one poster)it must be the single woman’s fault, is unfair. To suggest since her dad didn’t raise her (suggested by a poster)she has self esteem issues, is unfair. Some of us unfortunately have dads that would have done more harm than good being in the home, this i know. I wouldn’t want a dad beating my mom, etc, just to say my father was in the home. To say because you’ve had some bad experiences is due to you having some type of drama about you…is unfair.
I don’t know what the perfect answer is, because there isn’t one to fit everybody. What i will say is you have to be specific in what you want and search for that. If you’re a materialistic woman, (hope not) then you need to find a man who is ok with that quality in you. Don’t date the women, sleep with her etc, then when it’s over say she was a gold digger. You started it kept it going, so be accountable in your part. If you’re looking for someone who wants to be married, then you need to put that out there from the jump. Don’t know what you want and never say it, hoping he’ll read your mind miraculously and automatically know it. Then 5 years later you’re pissed cause life is passing and he hasn’t said a word.
Alot of the issue is we meet people, we like them, and we think they will fit into our perfect picture. When they don’t, then we try to make them change who they are, it just builds pressure, resentment and bitterness. Then all of a sudden we are angry and he/she is no damn good, worthless, etc.
I’ve always said if the puzzle pieces don’t fit, stop trying to force them. Keep moving until you find someone who fits who you are. You WILL have to compromise on something so keep that in mind too. That’s what relationships are all about. Nobody is coming to the table perfect. Be patient. We’re such a “gimme what i want right this minute society”. Things won’t happen overnight.

People seem to be blowing things out of proportion on here. There are good women and good men.

@CaliFemme23, I’ve read some of your posts on here and they have always been even and balanced, but this topic seems to have caught you on the wrong foot.

Men ‘dog’ women out much less than we get dogged out. Maybe I’m biased because I’m a dude but I’ve found that when it comes to relationships, women typically have more to say about the subject than men do. Peep the number of women’s magazines that talk about this to the number of men’s.

Now, everybody speaks from his or her own frame of reference. Steve Harvey, Dr DeAngelis, Obama, Me. For men, it feels like women have a list of criteria that is unrealistic while for women, it feels like that list has to be there to protect yourselves from the unknown.

Last words, if 42% of black women really are un-married (as a previous article suggested) and if marriage is more important to women than men, then it would seem that women are the ones being hurt more in this equation and instead of saying what black men should or shouldn’t do, might want to look at changing some of their attitudes.

And please ladies, stop talking about your mothers or the women in your family. I have a strong black mother too, she is still with my father and in all the years I’ve been dating, I’ve only run into a handful of women that are built (character-wise) like her.

On the other hand, I have some old unmarried aunts and some divorced relatives and some aunts who I would never let sleep in the same zipcode if I could help it.

Women are as much to blame as men in this.

there is no shortage in good black men its just alot of women have mental problems and the rest just make bad choices in men that they think are so called bad boys they should really think a that has done bad isnt gonna tell u what they did bcause they dont wanna scar u but women just be open minded and be a patient and you’ll find ur special someone in life

omg i have been saying this for yrs the majority women choose there men on either looks or what type of material crap that he has thats not even paid for. he probably has 10 diff women he is trying to get with, not saying they should except any man that tries to conversate with them, but for once think outside the box and stop jumping at everything that shines. that guy who is maybe a little overweight and going to the gym or the man that doesnt cover your height requirments or doesnt make 80 gs now, but is in school and has potential and is working hard toward a goal just see what he has to say sometimes see where his head is at before you shoot him down because he doesnt look like your type.you know i have posed this question to several different women and i get the same answer they all say “well i have to be attracted to him” attraction is freaking way overated just think if she was blind would she be saying anything about attraction? no she wouldnt

You know, a lot of people seem to forget that attraction isn’t a choice. It’s not like pickin’ a sweater to wear over coveralls (if you do that sort of thing), or preferin’ to only wear matchin’ underwear – the fact of the matter is, you like what you like and nobody can make you like different. Once we all except that, we realize that we can do one of two things to get an attractive mate:

1. We can work to be an attractive mate: I think the only way this can be done, is to 1st take a personal assessment. You must realize what it is you have to offer, and what you can’t; what you’d like to offer, and what you won’t.

2. You can learn more about who it is you’re after and what might attract them. I think this is more of a reconnaissance mission, personally. People are not always willing or even able to tell you every little thing they like in a relationship. Relationships are built on people, and people grow. We grow out, we grow weak, we grow strong, and sometimes we grow up! Some relationships will be like cars – we buy them to last, and as long as we maintain them well, we’ll get plenty mileage out of them. Some cars, though, we buy them because they look good now but we don’t expect to always be in love with it. More times than not we jump head first into relationships, skipping over the manual right to the section on intimacy. A great relationship can be so much more than intimacy, if a person is willing to be honest about themselves, and be aware of what a person’s actions say. DO THE RECONNAISANCE!

This article was the best I’ve read ever and it’s the truth. No matter what though we will still have those ones who blame and generalize everyone but themselves. What’s worst about it is, it’s these so called “educated” & “Successful” brother making ignorant comments. Anyways one thing I did realize is to stop worrying about the model chick and pay attention to the real women who value and respect me as a man. Thanks to the writer of this article.

In my opinion it IS the women of the world today. People say things have changed and they have, women are not as dependent as they once were. So of course they are going to have much bigger ego’s. It is a classic case of not being able to fit the male and female ego in the same room,(well atleast not for more than just sex occasionally, then most men can lose the ego, lol)not for long anyway. Something has to give, rather someone. Either the male will dominate, or the female will. In the old days females knew how to act out their parts. Sure they may have ran the household, cooked, cleaned, and ran bathwater all after a long days work; but they never said a word about it. Today’s female is more about recognition, they need and crave it. You must let them know they look good, you MUST let them know they please you, you must let them know they are doing their part and maybe more (according to the female anyway). There is no more seen and not heard in public, now the wife is head of the household, she tells the husband to run the bathwater and cook. I dont know about the rest of the world, but I am not willing to wear the apron in the relationship. (not unless that relationship is with Oprah Winfrey, lol, and not for long even then ha). Ladies please help yourselves out. There are more available females than males, and half of the available males dont want a steady relationship. It’s a losing battle.

All I know is that I’m a good woman with a good heart and spirit and I’m pretty much accepting the fact of being unaccepted in this day and time. I have a lot of good qualities but it seems that men in this day and age take ppl like me for granted or don’t appreciate me. Now the best thing about this is that I’m cool with it. I need a God-fearing, God-loving and Godly-devoted man in my life anyway. Not just any man will do. So I am cool with being alone. There’s too much going on this world that I don’t like and won’t put up with just for the sake of having a relationship. I’ve been there and done that and know that I have too much value and worth to put up with just anything. Maybe if other black women felt the same way and showed it, then all the drama and chaos and infidelity would no longer be a factor in this world. But I can only speak for myself and do me.

well put. …

[...] the original post: Black Women and Marriage: Dr Boyce Watkins Breaks it Down | News One By admin | category: black child, child, children | tags: barack, children, [...]

Well…as strange as it may seem everyone is “RIGHT.” All of the collective thoughts are different slices of the whole truth. SOLUTIONS: Combine all of the parts and view the whole truth. Heal, and move far away from from the organized systematic division. Know yourself, know who’s the divider, KNOW love, and be loving! In closing, understand that the most important part of communication IS Listening! Be Excellent & Travel LIGHT…Peace

Finally a great article, but it will probably sail over the comprehension of alot of people. Most will think that this is blown out of porportion, but this is real and the author is telling us what we should know already. But most of our people like to hear more of one side(male or female) being blamed more than the other. It all goes back to Slavery and how they kept our people apart from the family unit to control our people.

blaque_thot,”For men, it feels like women have a list of criteria that is unrealistic”.. WE have a list of criteria that is unrealistic? Ok before I respond to this quote of yours, let me just say that I shouldnt have gone so ‘hard’ on this subject because in actuality it does NOT refer to me as a black woman. All of the ‘ills’ the good Dr. speaks of do not personify me, nor do I fit into that description.

Now back to your quote, thank you for the compliment on my other or previous posts by the way. So you think women have unrealisitc criteria? What you men fail to realize, just as the Dr. that wrote this doesnt realize either is that you all are not talking about a REAL, confident woman. A confident woman does not need a man who has 24inch rims, who is 6’3, makes 150K a year etc…Those are INSECURE, unstable women who dont know who they really are. The woman that knows who she is just simply wants a man to appeal to her senses,her mentality, and who she is as a person. Yes we ALL, men and women want someone who is career mind, goal oriented, healthy and can be there for us in times when we require or need them..thats not unrealistic, thats just how it should be, that is also not much to ask for. IF you men are coming across women who want thugs, guess what, shes not a woman yet…If you are meeting women who are choosing men due to looks/physical attributes, guess what, shes not a woman yet…If you are meeting women who are concerned with the decimal points in your bank statement…ooohhh lookey lookey, she is NOT a woman yet. As I stated before, the REAL woman is already financially stable,mentally and emotionally, along with CONFIDENT so therefore she doesnt need to cling to baubles and material things to feel secure. The same way a woman will choose due to looks, MEN DO TO! And that is because of the media pull on society. Now dont go acting like you dont know…But I have seen almost EVERY screen name of males in this forum also have posted in the ‘video vixen’ forum as well…so dont act like shallow only comes in female edition.

Now this mindset is due to the black father not being in the home with his daughters. Just like a young male needs to know how to be a man, the young female needs to know what kind of man to look for..How does she do that when HES NOT THERE! Im not saying its JUST the man’s fault..(Look fellas, how I just played it FAIR and admitted that women have issues too! TRY THAT OK!). Women need to step up game and start choosing more carefully and wisely when they re-produce. Just like men dont know the chick hes with is going to flip out and get all psycho after the baby is born and start trippin with child support, guess what! WE DONT KNOW THE MAN IS GOING TO BE SORRY UNTIL AFTER EITHER. NO woman sets out to be a single parent, trust me, they dont. Once again I reiterate, it is BOTH the man and womans problem/issue, for those of you men who are whining about women who pass you bye for taller, richer, muscular men…start focusing on REAL WOMEN. For the women who say men are lazy, dont want to work, 35 and still living at home with moms…start focusing on REAL MEN.

Finally a decent freaking article here on BP……Thought I’d never see the day. I totally agree with the author on this one!

Good read…And @ YungJamesMane…You must be reading my mind bro!

Great article. I guess BP should make having a Ph.D. a prerequisite for submission.

People don’t realize that it only takes a minority of black men to make the rest of us look bad. If 20% of the black male population is fathering 80% of our children through having multiple kids with multiple women, what can the other 80% of the black male population do. That 80% can’t make women stop being attracted to the 20% with a track record of irresponsibility. Ultimately, women have to stop finding the bums and scalawags so damn attractive.

So I don’t necessarily think women are looking for Alpha males as much as their definitions of what constitutes an Alpha male needs a lot of work.

GOOD STUFF I LIKE THIS ONE

how ice cube used 2 say??? OH!

“YOU CAN’T PLAY WITH MY YO-YO……DON’T TRY AND PLAY ME OUT”
YEA BUDDY!!! Cali U can’t B doin shlt like this sweetheart but here is some rants that I KNO ARE Honest

“As I stated before, the REAL woman is already financially stable,mentally and emotionally, along with CONFIDENT so therefore she doesnt need to cling to baubles and material things to feel secure”
WELL DAYUM!

I’m guilty as hell 4 this one Cali;
“But I have seen almost EVERY screen name of males in this forum also have posted in the ‘video vixen’ forum as well…so dont act like shallow only comes in female edition.”

and whats even crazier is after you delivered all that POETRY CaliF loanforyou came after that talkin bout she agree with Boyce I wulda said doctor but he lost his pedigree about 15 articles ago….this nlgger wrote a whole article trying 2 find the REASONS WHY? when he in all actuality wrote subtle differences instead of tackling the fukin noose around the neck like….never mind I get tired of typin the same sh1t so ima start formattin my shlt

MR_NANASTROKER!! MY MAN! (See I had to type out ya whole ‘handle’ you be on some REAL shyt always)…Oh Im glad you touched on the good ‘Dr., COUGH COUGH’ because what all these folks dont know is he ‘aint’ really said shyt we dont already know!
“Anyone who simply sits around complaining about how irritating other people are without doing any serious introspection is doomed for a life of frustration”, Umm correct me if im wrong, but didnt he just sit on his azz writing this BS and probably not moving ‘introspectively’ to do shyt about it? He categorically SAT down with his white cohorts and presented this mess and they LOVED it because it keeps us at odds with each other..Heads up yall, thats the white man’s PLIGHT! HE pointed fingers, played the ‘blame game’ and oooooo MOST of you fell hook line and idiot for it. NANA, thanx for NOT being an idiot on this one…
” when he in all actuality wrote subtle differences instead of tackling the fukin noose around the neck like….” Nah Bruh, go head school is in..do what you do…Dont worry, i’ll wait…lol

This is the second interresting article I have read on this website for years

I agree with this article 100%

this article is on point

i dont want to hear anything about those same tired ‘divide and conquer’ conspiracy theories and i dont want to hear anything about Willie Lynch’s ass.

Seriously, black women just dont have the space or the opportunity to be as picky as they would like to be. Like my cousin once said and I quote, “theres only so many entertainers and athletes to go around.”

42% of black women being single means that the onus is on them to get it together. Even if you paired every black man with a black woman, you would still have a bunch of single black women.

Based on that fact, its just not possible for every black woman to only date 6ft+, 100k making brothas that look like Idris Elba/Boris Kodjoe/Rick Fox; thats just not going to be a reality for the majority of black women although the majority of them seem to think that they are “settling” if they dont end up with someone like that.

The reality of the situation is that if a black man approached 10 women at the club tonight, 8 of them would find some nit picking reason to deny the man a chance to get to know them. And whats funny is that they would all feel justified in doing so.

The numbers are just not there for black women to be so selective and inflexible.

And in response to the idea that black women only want alpha males, young black women ARE one of the leading demographics of new AIDS cases in the nation; significantly so. That may be evidence of them only choosing to have sex with the select few alpha males that have AIDS….just a thought

great article. i agree whole heartedly with what i read. i dont believe the image of black men in this country should be measured by the ignorant and uneducated manner in which some of us have not matured past.(the media plays a major part in the perpetuation of these images). Hopefully the standard will raise in the quality of black men in this country. I have faith that it will. I know if i can change and grow out of the stupor of an incorrect thought life, then any black man can. There are a lot of beautiful black women out there waiting for the brotha to just grow up and be dependable, honest, loyal, spiritual, mature, straight (not bi, gay, or downlow), articulate, well groomed and clean. yes, brothas, being hygienic will take u a long way. cleanliness is next to Godliness, lol. Love yall and learn to tap into the God on the inside. be still and listen. and watch yourself become the man you are supposed to be. You can do it brothas. I encourage you to strive to live out every good dream and goal, discover your innate giftings and thrive. (In our natural state, we are dominant).If I can, I know you can too. Much Love, God bless.

I think this article gives black women who are assessing themselves some good points to look at. Depending on each individual and the demographics they deal with, this article may make sense. I say demographics because if you live in Alaska there may not be as many black men but if you live in Chicago, Atlanta or some other cities there may be more to choose from. Overall, this is a very good article which points out what some of us already know and some may need to know depending on your experiences.

I agree with Mobile2Huntsville on this article being great. We really need to understand the cause and focus on eliminating the problem from it’s root. I will begin by saying that I am waiting on my “Alpha Male” and have been criticized by anyone who looks at the requirements I set. My “requirements” have come from trial and error. I am divorced and during the marriage I realized EVERYTHING I did not want. After it became clear that I definitely had made a mistake in partnership, I started taking notes. I noted everything about him that I was not feeling. Of course these were the same things I alluded myself into believing I could “deal with” when I first met him. From the perspective of a GAW (grown ass woman) which I now consider myself to be, I want a man who is a good person (definition – does not lie cheat or steal under any circ**stances), I want someone who is intellectual (definition- always learning new and important things, questioning everything, expanding his mind). I want someone in touch with his sexually (definition – no hang ups and inhibitions with ME). I want someone who has accomplished independently and is cool in his own skin. I will never again deal with manipulators, w***emogers, abusers, someone who follows instead of leads. I’ve chosen to be alone for the time being because I will not date outside of African American. Since re-entering the dating scene I have been disappointed to find so many men who are weak minded, abusive and effeminate. I will not be another mans’ upcome. The next brother who catches my attention will be ALPHA ONE in every sense of the word. My advice to my sisters is love yourself enough to know you deserve it. Don’t SETTLE.

Oh… I forgot to add, ladies be real with yourself about who you are. Everyone cannot be Mrs Jay-Z. Some of us will be Florida to James Evans. The point to it is that you choose the mate suited for you without having to change or hoping he will change. Now if you want to be Mrs. Jay-Z then you have to change yourself into Beyonce. Again the point is that rather than go around looking for this man or than one, decide on what you want you mate, what you don’t want in you mate and then start focusing on making yourself the best person you can be. If it’s meant to be you will find each other and ll will fall into place. Send time enlarge your mind, securing your financial future and being honest and trustworthy. Wouldn’t it be horrible for that “perfect one for me” to come along but you were not what he wanted. Peace and Blessings!

Hell yeah i agree wit that s**t.See look im a nigga my self and a black woman at my job told me that she dates white men cause in the black society black men dont take care of there kids, are always in trouble and, and put black women down. and she told me that we are raised like that wich is not true. and i just wanted to take the time to say F**k u wit a capital F**K to her. Thats why her ass getting played now, by the white boys hear. so its obviously not our fault of the white boys doin exactly what u say black men are doin.

in my opinion… we women have to understand that for a long time we have but our men on a pedastal but we have to understand that they all all human and just like us… men have flaws…alot of women dont want to deal with the issues.. like the lies or games played… a woman in this day and time may feel like she dosent have to deal with all that…you see.. if a woman loves her man… she will put up with alot she is very understanding…but a grown ass man…wont have to lie…even if it hurts… he wont have to play games…cause he will realize that games are for “children” only and respect the fact his woman…is a grown woman,he will respect her out of the love that he has for her. But.. if a man has to go and act a fool…and give her grief…the love that she has for him will die. In all asepects ladies… you have to realize your worth…and so does the man that you allow into your life…but remember this…the man that you choose…has to realize his own worth also. And see if you can pair that up.

oh and yeah…ladies… the next man may not be rich…or have his own home…or even be that attractive…or be physically be the man you are fit for..(ya feel me??? you can work with that)or be all that affectionate… or something that may drive you nuts, but..he may be smart enough to have goals to have in place for himself,that he is taking the steps to make things happen for himself… or is holding down a job,and taking care of his child/or children…maybe you might have to deal with some “baby momma’s drama” but the alphamale for you…has a past…but his future will be for with and for you.

but the man that is for you,he will make your heart smile…he will have those special moments with you being playful…that will have you at work…thinking about him…cant wait to get home…and eventually ladies…you will see past all his flaws…and when you get home…to him, or he gets home to you…you will just look…at him … and see just how much just how good love has been… to you.. stop being so bitter,because of past relationships…or your gonna keep running into the same type of guy that you are trying to avoid. Stop being so picky,and demanding.. relax..and just be you…he will find you. He may be already there with you and watching you act a fool!!! your just not realizing it…

#2 of the article has the secret ingredient…it is hard to deny a man who got looks, money, etc, even though women know it is easy to say that you can resist, but, it is another thing to actually be able to resist. Kinda like me saying I don’t want a girl with a big butt…lol. Who am I fooling. The only thing that can circ**vent womens criteria is a hella personality and even then you still need to look decent. Kinda hard to tell a woman to lower her standards when an alpha male seems to have the right combo of the “right stuff” to keep women hypnotized. How are you gonna tell a woman forget the guy driving the bentley instead get the guy who got the honda accord?Exciting versus normal…you make the call which one seems more intriguing to a female.

oh well…

another issue introduced in a divisive way to further divide negros…

how wonderful…

We’re already “divided” Shakka. Marriage is overrated and outdated. You simply do not need government recognition or an ritualized ceremony that appeals to a woman’s sense of fantasy to be “married.” Men want relationships…women want “romance,” and romance is a fantasy that burdens men with trying to attain unrealistic expectations. Life is NOT a “Zane” novel, nor is it a Tyler Perry movie or an episode of “Sex and The City. Not every man is 6′ 1″ (or taller) just like all women are not a size 2. There is no such thing as an “educated thug.” Stop with the fantasies!!!

WOW!!! I was wondering when they would get to an article like this. But anyways it takes a man and a woman to make a couple, a relationship, a marriage, and so on. A lot of men are to blame for the way they do things. But its not always a man’s fault. I’ve seen times when the lady is at fault, and not because of that excuse of “I’m still hurt from my past relationship”, but because they believe they are always right. Don’t get me wrong, they are right a lot of time. But there are a lot of times when men are right. To me some big reasons why relationships don’t work out is because a lot of men and women ask for stupid things in relationships. They want someone who’s this and that and don’t accept someone for who they are. Nobody is perfect. So what if a man or woman has kids? That doesn’t mean they’re a bad person. Now its kinda different if a person has like 5 kids from all different people. It seems like a lot more females have children these days with no father figure around because a lot of these men rather chase females all day then settle down with just one and it makes them look really bad. That’s why a lot of men say “Marriage is overrated.” A lot of females nowadays are looking for a lifetime commitment. But females can’t say they want a relationship and when a man comes to them she just turns him away without even giving him a chance. So basically both men and female are to blame for why relationships and marriages don’t work out. Women seriously need to stop acting so picky and give some guys a chance and Men just need to grow up and stop wanting to just chase females all day. You can’t consider yourself a man if you don’t act like one.

@TiredMan… If you fit the requirements, let’s do it. I guarantee that when I pass away and the government comes and puts you out of my house, denies you my Social Security benefits and my bank refuses to release my account proceeds to you you’ll be more than pissed you lived with me for all those years but did not need the government to recognize what we had. LOL and also…Get some rest.

WOW!!! I was wondering when they would get to an article like this. But anyways it takes a man and a woman to make a couple, a relationship, a marriage, and so on. A lot of men are to blame for the way they do things. But its not always a man’s fault. I’ve seen times when the lady is at fault, and not because of that excuse of “I’m still hurt from my past relationship”, but because they believe they are always right. Don’t get me wrong, they are right a lot of time. But there are a lot of times when men are right. To me some big reasons why relationships don’t work out is because a lot of men and women ask for stupid things in relationships. They want someone who’s this and that and don’t accept someone for who they are. Nobody is perfect. So what if a man or woman has kids? That doesn’t mean they’re a bad person. Now its kinda different if a person has like 5 kids from all different people. It seems like a lot more females have children these days with no father figure around because a lot of these men rather chase females all day then settle down with just one and it makes them look really bad. That’s why a lot of men say “Marriage is overrated.” But females are to blame for this part. No man wants to put up with a jealous lady or a lady that act like she can’t spend time with her family. I know I don’t. A lot of females say good men are hard to find. But females can’t say that when a man comes to them she just turns him away without even giving him a chance. So basically both men and female are to blame for why relationships and marriages don’t work out. Women seriously need to stop acting so picky and give some guys a chance and Men just need to grow up and stop wanting to just chase females all day. You can’t consider yourself a man if you don’t act like one.

If black women want mr. right, they should lower there standards. Fact is, as you said there are not alot of successful black men out there beacuase they arenot being raised right. Education is key to success. And the educated black man is an endangeres species.

i wanna get married one day… any ladies out there WILLING 2 be good 2 a good God-fearing man? my inbox is always open…

With the divorce rate for new marriages at 50% (or better, depending on who’s statistics you use) and all the infidelity that men/women can justify engaging in, its hard to believe that people STILL want to get married. It’s such an empty ritual. Oh, DCB515, some states DO recognize common law marriage. Nice arguments, but the statistics and facts are on MY side (I guess women are not always right. LMBAO). ;)

“First of all id like to say that a very large percentage of whats going on in the black community started during slavory,the only way you will understand why things are the way they are is if you understand the past,THE PAST MAKES THE FUTURE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!!!!!!! and you definetly cant find a solution for our problems if you cant even see the problem,but the most important thing that happend during slavory is what was done to our women,they must realize that they hold the key to our economic structure,because most other females of other races raise theyr children differently and work together as a family,and have theyr own companies,while in our race its hard to even become good friends with a blk woman,let alone make anything else work,to be honest im just going to break it down as quickly and easily as i can,white slave owners took away the black mans dependency and have thrown our women into a frozen independent state of mind,and even said that the blk man would never be able to get passed it,basically they tricked us really good,now that our women run our race and keep us all in check,the whites can now concentrate on bigger things like owning every single building that slaves built,while our females curse at the kids,beat them,then tell them to go work for whites when theyr old enough,its so so sad we are our own slave owners and dont even know it………

TiredMan, I agree with you to an extent…BUT I disagree with you on that “and romance is a fantasy that burdens men with trying to attain unrealistic expectations”..

Nothing is a ‘BURDEN’ when there is true connection involved because BOTH people want the other to be happy/satisfied. If a woman wants romance, whatever her idea of romance is…then he should be willing and EXCITED to give it to her..Just as SOME men want their fantasies as well…The wife that does the little strip tease for him, wears the lingerie, or whatever his ‘poison’ may entail…Now how would YOU feel if you asked your woman to do a certain something for you and she thought of it as a ‘burden’ as opposed to making and KEEPING her man happy?

Women are NOT always right, I agree with you again…But ummm ‘AHEM’ neither are you men…

Great article.
To hell with this.. Stop trying to figure out the problem.. Stop trying to work on a solution. Just give the white men the victory… Men get you women that arent black and women, just get men that arent black…

There’s no other way around this as people are getting emotional and are refusing to listen or use COMMON SENSE..
There’s no such thing as a good woman or good man. Just people you are attracted to that decide to be good to you and for you.. Nothing more..Nothing less..

So, Men and Women… If you are calling yourselves “Good” You absolutely must WORK on the THINGS YOU CONTROL. I read a comment from a woman describing herself as good and unable to find a good man.. I then went to her page only to see that she’s overweight and doesnt dress right in her photos..

Being “good” is not all it takes to attract and catch an equally “good” mate. YOU HAVE TO WORK on your APPEARANCE and the things you can Control..
That goes for Men and Women.

But if no one wants to listen and simply want to bicker, They might as well do as I said and find mates that arent Black.. Then, they wont have anymore excuses as to why they are Still single.

My last input on this is… WE have to take responsibility for our own happiness. That is to say that what happened in slavery is way in the past. It has some impact because that is when the black man started to see white women as a treasure and also saw his black queen raped and otherwise brutalized. Now let’s get to the present. Today we live with a generation of black men that do not know their position or how to play it. If I hear another black man say that I need to meet him half way, go half or something to that extent I’ma loose it (it’s will definitely make CNN so stay on point). The man was purposed to be the provider, the leader, the protector. It got twisted with all this single parenthood and black men being raised by women who took them as replacements for the absent fathers. It is not my GOD given purpose to provide anything for any man. GOD purposed me to be a “helpmeet” and close the gap if need be. Paying half the bills is not what a marriage is about but because women have made it an art of taking care of the black man they now expect it. When I meet the man of my dreams he will have his own and be able to offer me his life, they way that GOD intended it to be. I will accept what he has to offer because I will recognize that he is that man.
Mateship should never be based on what someone has as far as material things or finances. That’s where it gets twisted. Even as much money as Tiger Woods has, he saw fit to stray and disrespect. If his marriage had been based on the principles GOD intended, no other woman could have caused him to think about stepping out let alone with 10 or more woman. When we mate based on money, status, looks and other things that have nothing to do with our souls then we are subject to failure. In this microwave world we all want it immediately and I am sorry to say that finding out who someone is and whether or not they are compatible with our souls takes a minute or two. We forget the legacy we were all born into and if we look back a few generations we will see a generation of black people who did not have the Lexus or the 5 bedrooms and 3.5 baths. They were committed to each other, the man provided while the woman took care of the home front and everyone was happy. It can be done but all the men want Beyonce and all the woman want Kobe. It can’t happen to us all but we can have really strong relationships if we take the time to find out who we are, clean it up and make it right and then find someone just as good. I loved exchanging views with you all and I hope you all find your soulmate and make it happen.
Peace in Blessings!

Thank you for that well thought out message Brother Watkins. I have to say that in order for all Africans affected by the forced diaspora to maintain successful African families, we need to look back to where we came from to know where we are going. Although I am aware of the divorce rate amongst all couples within the United States, for the benefit of our people, we will only discuss the issues affecting our people.
How can we understand the forces that are against the African family in America, if we don’t understand the origins of those forces ie the educational system, the prison system and yes even the church! We as a people need to start looking for the answers in the place of our orginal birth and not on the tel lie vison screens of America. How can we recieve dating or marriage advice from the very system that helped to destroy the African Family unit to begin with. As a result of slavery the roles of men and women have been reversed and confused so much that African women and African men can no longer distinguish their rightful roles within the African family.
Please forgive me for taking a different approach to this problem of the African family unit in America but up until now, everything that we have heard concerning us has only helped to destroy us further more. As a 25 year old sister who’s goal in life is to have a family in addition to earning a masters degree next year, I also understand that I need to be flexible in order to have a successful marriage and family. My obligation is to Yaweh (God) first and then to my family before my career success. There is a misconception that women in general need to be successful first before having a family but I disagree with that belief. You can have everything in life that you work hard for as long as you have support and are provided with support. Let us leave behind this indivdual way of thinking in order to embrace a universal responsibility that can and will transcend our current suffering within this land we call America.

See, I love this…why cant we as a people talk intelligent like many of the comments people left below on here, all the time? We tend to use slang for nearly everything and then criticize someone for talking right as sounding white…Anyway man great article, Im glad someone is finally sticking up for men. I feel a change in our race, in the world coming. Im excited to see how our race is progressing forward.

- J age 22

i have to agree with the author of this colum. not to say that EVERY black women is to blame for the failure of getting and maintaing marriage but alot are. for the record i have dated some very special black women so this is not about them. also i think ALL marriage is wrong!!! but, what i have noticed is alot of black women wants the perfect black male, handsome, smart, articulate, thuggish, sensitive, succesfull, with a shady past! the problem with that is, nobody has the perfect mix. the black women needs to look at herself and realize that she is not perfect so why is she looking for the perfect guy? and for the ones that date thugs, they do not deserve to date a successfull guy or one with potential because she will more than likely cheat on the good successfull guy with the hardcore thug. My case in point, if u are dating a successfull black male, and somebody disrects him, would u want hime to beat up or kill the guy who did it, possible go to jail, have a record and be ruined, or would u respect him if he walked away which would be the smart thing?? ask yourself honestly, because we all know what the majority of black women would want there man to do, thats what seperates us from white people, get it?

Oh and to all the uneducated, overeweight, 6 kids with 6 babydaddys, women that are looking for the handsome, smart, successfull guy, get real!!! I seen some of these pages and i just shake my head!!! i just dated a real ass women, that i still have feelings for it just didnt work out, but this women was smart, attractive and handled her buisness, she was worth putting a ring on it, just things didnt work out on both sides, there are some real women out there and vice versa but we all have inperfections, accepting them is what make a realationship last.

the problem is with black marraiges is that we need to reevaluate what is considered a good marraige because its more than just sex! period!

This was REAL and people keep looking for excuses and scapegoats, normally the black man is the blame! I wanted that stupid CNN Blacks in America program and what a joke it was, when it came to black women. They blamed black men for everything, and even pointed out that is why they did the segment/online piece about how black women are looking for other races to fix their problems. I was appalled, and very disrespected by that CNN piece citing the same issues the author of this piece mentioned as the typical propaganda against us. I’m tired of hearing this propaganda, you decide your own fate, isn’t that what this whole “I’m so independent” nonsense so many are on, is about? So stop blaming someone else, you’re responsible for the losers you pick, not the buckets of available losers out there. There are many good people out there, you just don’t find them attractive or cool enough, that’s YOUR problem, not theirs! If you’re so independent, like anything that you want in life, why don’t you seek that guy out, rather than waiting for a cloud of guys to approach you and you pick from that lot? I say, look at your track record, if you did nothing but losers, you are a loser yourself and you’re the reason for your own problems.
On another note, people all over the world have the issues we face, as blacks. They didn’t make divorce laws, child support laws, etc for black people! They made these things to combat what white people were/are doing! What we’re copying is the American culture, and since we’ve lost our own cultural importance on family, education, and aspiration, what’s the point in trying to make a ‘black family’ if you’re not safeguarding our culture- and I don’t mean that as in reciting back gangsta rap lyrics. Real black culture is lacking today, THAT is what the marriage should center around, which fortifies the family. If you can’t get back to that, why would you marry if you don’t plan to fortify the black family with culture and stability? Instead, we’re back to the propaganda mentioned by this piece, and we’re divided and blaming others. I hate airing OUR laundry for the goddamn world to laugh at us- then go tell white men that they are the savior of our black women/race.
…and I seriously hated Obama’s speech to black men. HATED IT! So biased. But that’s ok, 2009 is the year that the non-threatening negros all learned simultaneously, that acting like that is NOT going to keep you from white hate, and you’re still BLACK! lol

Black women are smart. The ones who don’t get married are the smartest. People who marry for “love” are stupid. You should only marry for money or because you have children. Why go into something when you only got a 50/50 shot? Men are liars and dogs. We all are. We are not going to change. Ruff Ruff! I’ve seen tons of weddings. They spend all that money then end up in divorce court. LOL. Stop it with this marriage nonsense. Black women who don’t get married are smart.

I totally agree with this article, and I love your approach. It’s not easy finding love nowadays, and if you’re constantly running into Mr. Wrong it’s time to look at yourself and reevaluate your priorities. The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off. Keep your mind open and the rest will follow.

Sorry to say this, but I think the problem is that Black women spend too much time focusing on trying to get a Black man. Love me or hate me, I have to be honest. Chasing that IBM (Ideal Black Man) will get you caught up. The All Mighty did not intend for us to stay within our respective races when he wanted us to go forth and multiply. When we get to heaven, there won’t be a sheet where we have to check a race, religion, and sex before we get processed. So why should be care about it on earth. It was said in the article that it’s just like a job search: the more restrictive your requirements, the less likely you are to find anything. Open up your search to include other races ladies! Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying give up on Black men, but by restricting yourself only too Black men, you are cutting your self off from a lot of quality gentlemen.

Well as one who has been constantly rejected, because I don’t deal drugs, hit women, have a criminal record, wear my pants down to my ankles, misuse women, chase every skirt I see, argue over nothing, etc , and as one who wanted to get married, I can say now I wouldn’t even consider marriage, especially to a black woman. In a time where even a vet like Vivica Fox wants a thug, assed clown what hope do sensitive educated brothers have of finding a wife who loves you for the way you treat her?

Monte_Brown…Umm, ladies, and to the real men of the world…lets NOT listen to monte_brown….once again, WE do not need to be generalized, nor do we deserve it. Problem is, people wont give people a chance to prove themselves as opposed to living off of these negative sterotypes/cahracterizations…

oh yeah…thank you @pantherg08 for giving that BLACK woman you were dating that much credit…atleast you recognized whatever good there was in her even though it didnt work out…

pantherg08 @ chuuch !!! lol

1.To blame these issues on slavery is just plain BS. I know for a fact there is a shortage of men, hell they are all locked up and or gay.

2.Women have it in their minds what they want no matter if a good man slaps them in the face, most often they don’t see him. One of my girl friends has a guy who has money a good job and most importantly wants to do what it takes to get her and will eat her dirty draws if she wanted him too. He brings her breakfast to her job and he lives 45 mins away WTF…U want to know why she don’t want him it’s because she know she can run him over.

3.Another issue is most women once they get what they want stop doing what it took to get the man in the first place. Gain weight, don’t cook, don’t clean and worst of all don’t listen to the man. Duhh men do it too,,so dont trip

4.Leave Tiger Woods out of this.. He was doomed from the start…..His name is Tiger, what do tigers do they prowl. He is Black and Asian a mixture for sexual drive that for sure would be out of control… LOL…

5.If women stop listing to other women and quit dragging past relationships into the picture you might just have a fighting chance to find that good man of which you seek.

6.Women who are looking for a good man are competing with women who don’t want a steady man. So while your dating a guy there is a 3 chick who are saying “cool keep that chick just take care of me when I call”… THIS IS FACT. Married man have the most fun and it’s no secret because they dare not fall in love and have too much to lose and for the female there is no major attachment she can have the nice looking guy she wants part-time with benefits and anybody else with no strings attached. Lot’s of females roll like that.

7. White women get black men all day everyday and good ones at that. So you would have to wonder what’s really going on. I know this much as I have friend who are mixed couples. Simply put they take care of each other no matter what….with no stipulations…they have to it seems like the whole world is against them. U see how people look at and treat them so I don’t have to say anything bout that.

8.You want to find a good man or women it’s simple. First you have to be attracted to each other, you have to spend quality time to get to know each other, you have to be opened minded and understand not everybody is perfect and you can’t have everything your way, you can’t try to change that person, and last you must have the ability to compromise. If you can do these things, five out of ten men or women you meet will be good.

9.The list could go on but I will let it ride…

vdjbig, “5.If women stop listing to other women and quit dragging past relationships into the picture you might just have a fighting chance to find that good man of which you seek. ”

I have to agree 100% with u here. Women do need to STOP with all that homegirls hangin around, puttin their cheap two cents in, giving advice and all that. That’s opening a door to ruin.

[...] Here is the original post: Black Women and Marriage: Dr Boyce Watkins Breaks it Down | News One [...]

70% are single. .. hmmmm! read my blog about it. just a male perspective as well.

I just have 2 expose this Bi-Sexual

slit_lcka005
1-6-2010 3:24 pmWell as one who has been constantly rejected, because I don’t deal drugs, hit women, have a criminal record, wear my pants down to my ankles, misuse women, chase every skirt I see, argue over nothing, etc , and as one who wanted to get married, I can say now I wouldn’t even consider marriage, especially to a black woman. In a time where even a vet like Vivica Fox wants a thug, assed clown what hope do sensitive educated brothers have of finding a wife who loves you for the way you treat her?

Weak ass nlggers like you are the whole reason why women choose 2 try soemthin new and do the Lesbian thang….dlck_licka sincde they by-pass you for the “thugs” then you shuld change your steelo and be honest/mature/comfotable with your sexual demons…Bi-sexuals cannot blame A woman for turnin down their advancements…you are a Homosexual not a Bi-Sexual and they are intertwined meaning you are a HOMOSEXUAL
your low-down dispicable stereo-typical views against brothers with game and I quote “sensitive educated brothers have of finding a wife who loves you for the way you treat her?” well no real woman wants a cry-baby ass nlgger 2 be always cuddling and shlt…..soft ass punk U are unashamed of your Feminine ways and purposely exploit your gregarious feminmity as A Man’s characteristic…..so dlck_l1cka I see you live in Chicago…well so do I southside and you gone have a problem not with your sexual demons but with yours truly you leave another foul statement addressed 2 me

Nuff Said

that was a well formatted introspect vdjbig

and brutally honest for the most part…within the past 3-4 years of me being single I have ran N2 all types and thats just within the time frame I alotted but in that time of meetin and greetin I have learned that now-a-days A lot of females play the male role as far as get what she wants and she gone 2 the next guy now I’m not mad at this due 2 me being honest with my single life it fits me but the elevator effect is the flipside of the coin
In sayin that I meet women that we hang out and go out and that same night we indulge ourself in2 one another and we fade away……some of the times I feel like a bust-down and I don’t mean that as a joke gettin calls during bootycall hours….sexual texts…women are just more comfortable I think dating…..they complain about relationships but maybe they are not taking the right procedure 2 get 2 kno the person or that person they need 2 fill the void

….Yawn….This shyt again?

This is a topic that needs to be addressed and a lot of the comments and perspectives were good to read to see other peoples view on this subject. I personally feel very conflicted because I date strictly within my race first of all because I feel that relationships should be about compatbility. I am an intelligent , educated female and I can get along with anyone regardless of race or any other difference but I can’t relate as well to someone who doesn’t share the trying experience of being black in America. Now I am “independent” by force, I have 2 children who’s father has decided that he does not want to step up because I no longer desire a sexual relationship with him. He is spending time and taking care of his girlfriends daughter. I know many men who fit this profile but I have dated some good men but we were not compatible. As far as saying slavery having a hand in these issues being bs is nonsense in my opinion, if we educate ourselves and read up on how slavery was even successful to begin with you can see the conquer and divide method still affects us today. Families were separated and the men were sold off, so research it and you can see that the intent has had the effect that was planned for this race of people some of us are naive in my opinion and it’s hard to change what you neither see or acknowledge. Now I am a woman that has been out in the dating scene for a couple of years and I have standards that may be high to some because I seek a man that has strong morals and values. I want to date a man that takes care of his kids instead of making excuses as to why he can’t, I want to date a man that works but some of these things I actually compromised on to test this high standard theory. I keep hearing people say black women want thugs or a man that cheats and stays in the streets that is not what I desire at all and I have several friends that are are good women that work hard, are pursuing higher education or already have degrees like myself dating men that in my opinion are not this IBM, or alpha male and these are women from all walks of life and seeing as how we women out number men, can someone tell me statistically who is more likely to be blamed in this debate. I see so many quality women get misused by men. I’m not saying that women are blameless in this issue because there are some scandalous women out there but I’m speaking from my own experiences as a woman a lot of our men run from responsibility and it’s a proven fact. Another topic raised in this article is President Obama’s speech to Black America, people quit being so sensitive if what is said offends you it’s probably true, sometimes the truth is ugly and it hurts but every little thing that the president or Dr. Cosby says about black America should not outrage us but awaken us and make us look at ourselves I mean these are educated black men who contribute a lot to our society and were around when America wasn’t a pleasant place for us to live. We really need to look at ourselves and the offspring we are producing and ask ourselves what each of us can do to make our race stronger! Peace and Blessings

Relationships would be so simple if: (1) black men learn to appreciate what you have in the woman you’re with…keep it in your pants and stop blaming cheating on ridiculous notions such as “biology,” “temptation,” or “I’m not getting it at home; (2) and women stop thinking your relationships are supposed to be like an episode of “Sex and The City,” a Tyler Perry movie, or a Zane novel, and stop using your emotions to justify engaging in the same behavior that a man engages in, but could never get away with…relationships are one thing, “romance” is another (and a fantasy at that). ;)

BLACK WOMEN NEED TO LIGHTIN UP MAN I NOTICED WHEN I GO OUT BLACK WOMEN ALWAYS HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND THERE LOOKIN FOR DENZEL AND 50 CENT ALL ROLLED IN ONE DUDE. AND WHEN EVER THEY HAVE A NICE CAR THEY ACT AS IF THERE S**T DOES NOT STINK

it seems like most women dont like quality wat you put in is wat you get out

ADVICE for Black Women
I so badly want them to date Men that arent black. Then we wouldnt have to hear them thinking that the grass is greener on the other side..Most people are single, simply because they didnt date with the goal of being in a long term relationship. It was all about fun, sex, choices and now expect to find the love of their lives, when and only when they feel they are ready.. Unfortunately, when real life plays out like that, there will be problems.

Black women will date anybody they think got a few dollars. LOL

why black women can’t get married? well, because there are white, hispanics, asians, and african women available. that’s just it. YEA, BRING IT ON, I’M READY.

I really don’t know where most of these comments about black women being gold diggers and wanting men for their money comes from. This wonderful lady right here don’t need a man that has only HIS money, but money that he is willing to add with MY money to make it OUR money. Its very obvious that you men have been dealing with the WRONG ones. Meaning, you guys haven’t met a woman like me. I’m very independent, but I am willing to give brothers that really have their mind, body and souls intact with mine. Being that I don’t deal with just anybody, I haven’t met a man that has his spirituality intact. So I guess you men will continue to talk about the gold digging stereotypes that you keep placing yourselves around going thru the same ole’ same ole’.

To Mr I Wish I was stroking nana!Don’t let my sensitive side fool you dropout! I enjoy slapping thug clowns like you around punk. You are the antithesis of everything a blackman should be b***hboy, and what’s wrong with our culture now. Just make sure when you go to County, you don’t drop the soap b***h. Oh and I’m right here on 55th and Hoyne f****t. You got beef see me in tha streets b***h! Ya dumb assed, illiterate, f****t assed punk! And if you’re what the sistas want they deserve to never get married you homo thug!

we living selfish times NOBODY and I do mean nobody gives a damn about anybody anymore, me personally dont really believe in the concept of marriage besides if nothing last forever why start something you know will eventually end?

live life, have fun and thats it http://www.swaggtalk100.net

Yeah, let’s get the black Negroes amped up again….(smh) What would happen if no one commented on the negative things? What if no one took the bait???

I’ll tell you….they would post more positive things.

I_AM_BACK_4_MORE, The ones that have the asians, africans, whites and hispanics are the ones WE dont want anyway my sweet… ;-)

CaliFemme23 spoken like a woman who sees the true value of a blackman that has decided to take the street pharmacist path. Keep on loving them losers sweetie!

slit_lcka005, Evidently you havent read ANY of my other posts where I gave ALL of my real black men MUCH credit..So with that said i’ll allow your idiotic comment to pass…I usually dont go around even responding to guys that openly advertise the licking of slits…How do you lick when its lights out in the cell block…Smuckers or syrup ‘sweetie’…

CaliFemme23 why would I be near any sort of cell block lol! I swear intelligent discourse is impossible with bustdowns and gangbangas isn’t it! Instead of making your case you attack my sexuality? I’m 100% heterosexual by the way. Now where you slum for your next date is none of my or BP’s business, just remember this conversation when you’re on Maury looking for your “baby daddy” lol!

slit_lcka005, incase you missed it because you face deep in a ‘slit’….YOU passed the insult to me…RE: “keep on loving them losers sweetie”. If I cant bang on your ‘sexuality’, then who are you to say WHO I deal with? Don’t throw those rocks babe if you dont want your house shattered as well…Remember this conversation when youre on Jerry Springer fighting over your boyfriend…

Oh wait @ slit_lcka005, You got DOGGED by MR_NANASTROKER, he shut you all the way down, so now youre attempting to turn your focus elsewhere ‘cuz’ you didnt have shyt to say to him…You choose to play ‘pitty pat’ with a woman as opposed to holding yours against a man…You want to make comments about maury povich to me….It’s all good, you got clowned so now youre bitter…I understand…***Pats slit_lcka005 on the back*** it’ll be alright babe…

No CaliFemme as you can see I had plenty to say to Mrs_Nanastroker. I can’t be shut down with the mad imaginings of a guy who just got home from county lmao. Point of fact you and nana dude seem like a really cute couple lol. Why don’t you two get together and bring some more socially, and emotionally confused/retarded lil nigglets into the world, and prove this article was full of s**t lol.

azz_lcka005, Alright ‘bruh’, glad you got that out of your system…Hope youre happy and done. Now i’ll be courteous and not take up anymore of your time in response..im sure there are many ‘slits’ that have gone unlicked out your way, so why dont you go get back to work with your ‘glory holes’ ‘slits’ being a ‘bottom’..whatever it is that you do…

Peace

Yep
CaliF I already made my mind up about the clown double agent
I do believe that him and Laker_dude is the same person and is here 2 offer discourse and non-sense on these and some other sites also

I can examine what he wrote: btw these are all his quotes!!
Just make sure when you go to County, you don’t drop the soap b***h.
blackman that has decided to take the street pharmacist path. Keep on loving them losers sweetie!
I be near any sort of cell block lol! I swear intelligent discourse is impossible with bustdowns and gangbangas isn’t it! Instead of making your case you attack my sexuality? I’m 100% heterosexual by the way.
guy who just got home from county lmao. emotionally confused/retarded lil nigglets into the world, and prove this article was full of s**t lol.

See CaliF all you have 2 do is sit back and let these people XPOSE themselves….he loves mentioning the County Jail here N Chicago……he is grapplin with his sexuality because he has 2 PROVE he is “heterosexual by the way” noone asked him if he was
He really Hates himself and is losing his battle…..I just hope he doesn’t choose the easy way out and commit suicide

lmao@ NANA, u are too cold…Well I wish he would just go ahead and come out the closet and not be so very angry…And ummm, what he know about ‘droppin the soap’??? ;-)

I see on the azz_lcka’s page his interests include..ANIME, Sci-Fi and BOOTY…not females, not women…but BOOTY…Nuff said..lol

This is not sad, this is catastrophic to our community.The problem we have when we hear or read something like teenage pregnancy or teen violence is to react in disgust like you don’t smell you own ishhhhhhhhhh.Other places in the world including blacks outside of the US, has the same issues maybe worst. The difference is, they didnt take the European approach of being disgusted and move on, but they look at it as blessing in disguise. It doesn’t mean they didn’t sit these kids down including the male partner on the effects of such act because they did.They guide them to make better decisions in the future and to care for each other and the baby when time permits. For example,in the Amazon.An amazon tribe care for these kids as a village not as individuals.Whey they really messed up after all the intervention, they let them go.In the Pacific Islands, you will see people without any blood relation living under one roof because they don’t believe in having orphans, single mothers doing it by themselves, homelessness etc. They never lost the BLACK VALUES of being a VILLAGE. They didn’t let European culture dictate how to care for themselves. That is where our society comes in, we act that we don’t want to be like white people but truth be told. Yes, our people, not all of us, want to be like white folks.what happened to the old adage,’IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD’?. Neighbors used to discipline anybody’s child on the block that acts up. Our women demanded respect, had standards when it comes to men,they loved themselves talking about BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL, etc. Now the dumbing down of our community, and US as a people eating it up like food didnt realized that it came with a price.You cannot tell our elders and our peers that you CARING more for your CAR, your Clothes, your MONEY more than your family is not a European thing. Wanting big cars, expensive house, expensive clothes, and catching up with the JONES’ is not wanting to be white; well it is. Just a reality check, you will never catch up with the JONES’ unless we become self-reliant. our WOMEN are now boasting I AM AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN. Look up where it came from, it came from the WHITE FEMINIST MOVEMENT. Our women were WOMANIST not FEMINIST.They’ve been trying to persuade our women that thee black women’s issues are similar to white women.A lot of our Black queens like Harriet Tubman did not believe in those rhetoric. Therefore, she opposed the unification of the two movements. Then came other black women that believed in the promises of grandeur lifestyle, so called equality, materials, and a place on a pedestal right next to the white woman. Due to this shift, our women boast of being in corporate AMERIKKKA, but she forgot that it came with a big price, THE DESTRUCTION OF THE BLACK FAMILY”.The very thing Sojourner Truth and Harriet Tubman were afraid of. Our queens are now DIVAS, they want to be in control like Beyonce and Janet rather than be Queens like MRS. SHABAZZ, MRS. KING, QUEEN SHEBA, QUEEN CANDACE, Sojourner TRUTH, etc. etc. I remember when my pops use to tell me stories on how strong ya’ll women are during slavery and colonialization because ya’ll kept the white man’s family together, since the white women have no idea how to do it, and ya’ll kept your own family tighter as well.Why do you think MASSA wanted to be with our black queens than their white wives? because you have it! In addition, this was the time when our Black KINGS fought for their Black queens. Now our men doesn’t even know how to be Kings anymore.Well there’s noone inside the house teaching our young sons whats a King is.Moreover, now women got all the diva accessories, but you dont have the essential tools to be a QUEEN. NO HEART, NO SOUL, NO ACCOUNTABILITY, and NO VALUE OF YOUR WORTH thats why youre too fast to spread your legs than strong enough to keep it close.Hence, no Kings inside the home,but too many little boys. Independent women that’s what you like to be called, you like being in control so much that’s why you pick THUGS, LOW LIFES, INGRATES, NO GOOD FOR NOTHING MEN; so you can control them and get your ego stroke by fetching after them, cleaning after them, bailing them out of jail, etc. etc. That’s why you never know what to do when a GOOD BLACK MAN is right in front of you.you make excuses for your actions, but you pick your THUGS, YOUR irresponsible LOW LIFERS, and then you wonder why he leaves when you get pregnant and when it gets hard. Finally, youre 35-40 yrs. old and you find out yourself all alone with kids from different men(boys). And the good black men that you describe as corny, square,dork, too nice and not man enough are the same men that waited to have kids til he is married and have a family of his own with a black queen, white girl, chinese girl,and japanese girl.He is educated,takes care of his kids, have a career,love his wife,and doesn’t condone domestic violence. But AYE, you want to be INDEPENDENT right?!INDEPENDENT MEANS ALONE. You want to be the HEAD so much that you forgot that by the law of nature, the MAN is the HEAD and the woman is the HEART, BODY and SOUL. Without one or the other, there’s no balance, no balance means no peace,no peace means chaos or in disarray. So how can you call a home that’s not organize? how can you call a family when there’s no King to help his Queen? And now you wonder why independent women kill their kids(all over the news in a daily basis) from different men(boys) because those kids reminds you of your choice of LOW LIFERS, and the kids remind you of how you didn’t have it in you to find and deal with a GOOD BLACK MAN!!! And you wonder why these young kids that you brought up by yourself are acting the way they do i.e PREGNANCY, TEEN VIOLENCE. So stop blaming the Good BLACK MAN for your ILL choices of men to build a home with. You’re the one that says, we are CORNY, SQUARE, TOO NICE,and not MEN enough. Also, you’re the one that lowered your standard by wanting, “a half of a man is better than no man at all.” Then you want a white man now because brothers get with white girls.You tell the world that the reason you’re not with or not looking for a GOOD BLACK MAN because we can’t handle a strong black woman. The thing is when you’re with a Good Black Man you run your mouth that “WE AIN’T %#&@$!!”,and you break the only thing we have left OUR PRIDE. The funniest ishh of them all,when you’re with a white man you’re in your best behavior and waiting for him hand and foot. That sounds like exactly what you were doing during slavery with MASSA. You need to realize just because you go to the same club with white girls, and you’re eating with them at the same counter doesn’t mean society put you on the same pedestal as the white girls.Please get off you’re high horse thinking that a black man that makes less money than you or doesn’t have a prestigious job like you is not a good man. It’s time for you reclaim your THRONE as QUEENS. Remember you are the mother of humanity. The future of our community, family and existence hang balance on your decision.

thats my blog below on this topic last year.

well said jazzpast!!! and to the beef going on in here come on man!!! i think everbody is entitled to there opinion. now back to this subject, i have also made similar comments on this subject in the past, i love my black sisters, and if i ever do get married i would want it to be to a sister but that being said, i beleive that a good black men should have a healthy, mind, body and soul meaning a man that takes care of his body, that has some kind of education, and that is a hard worker, so should his queen. but a man like that should not just settle for a women that usually dates the uneducated thug type, which is the norm in our society. not every black women is like that, but the majority is, and lets keep it real half of these thug types or fake thugs, closet homos that are in and out of jail spreading hiv, why would i want to be with a women that dates that kind of men??? bottom line is there are huge numbers of white, asian and mexican women that would love a educated, in shape ambitious young men why?? because we are the minority of minoritys, no felonys, at min a highschool diploma, and take care of our bodys. to be with a queen that has all those qualitys would be a blessing, but if that same queen prefers a fake uneducated thug that is alwasys in and out of prision, than i dont see why those same sisters get mad when we date outside our race!!!

[...] plenty of truth serum pertaining to our relationships, which appear to be very insightful to me. Black Women and Marriage: Dr Boyce Watkins Breaks it Down | News One I also would like to suggest this program that is currently being shown on PBS this month. This [...]

@pantherg08, youre REALLY hung up on that ‘thug’ business arent you? As soon as you realize that ALL of us that happen to be educated etc..arent interested in thugs you’ll be alright. OR maybe you like to use that ‘we love thugs’ mantra to JUSTIFY the fact that YOU would rather date outside your race. I say again, if you want to date ‘others’ so be it, but DONT, and STOP using US to make yourselves feel better when you go TRASH DIGGIN.

there u go califemme putting yourself in that box, i was not reffereing to every black wome like i said if i ever do get married it would be to a black girl, so stop taking it so personal. and we all know several women that prefer thugs to educated black men so dont act like its not a reality. just because u r a educated attractive women that prefers quaility men dosent mean alot of your peers do!!!!!

@pantherg08, Well since you deemed me an educated,attractive woman that prefers quality men…I guess I really cant further ‘bang’ on you…Since you are obviously a VERY smart man…lol

LOL @ Cali

>>STANDING OVATION<< @ Jazzpast

good stuff I can agree with alot of this stuff.

Well I find most black women to be very materialistic and depending on what materials you have,,,, your conversational fate will be decided in the first 60 seconds. Not enough time to find out if your a good man or not, yet on the real this is common and I am sure many men will confirm it. Why is it that when I talk to most black women I feel like I am being interrogated to the tenth power. Black women wonder why that white chick got that black guy,,,,,they don interrogate us like ya’ll do,,, nobody does. One would think that you would be more concerned about being happy with whomever more so than race or color. God created us in his image, key word image….. no color no race ,,,,image.

With most not all black Women they don’t want to be a Queen they want to be King in the relationship,, I call them Alpha chicks. They want to run stuff as wekk as the man. With women in the 21st Century teaching their daughters that they don’t need a man for anything and that they can take care of themselves what do you think the future holds.? I say there will be no kings or very few. Kings are a very fast dying breed, a Queen knows when to stand beside her man and behind her man when needed, since the women’s independents movement it appears that a Queen has been replaced with how to be a DIVA. Damn how true of a statement.

Ladies misery loves company, women got it bad listing to their female friends and then giving them to much influence in their personal lives…. They are your living GPS giving you bad directions most often…Keep them out your biz…. The more you learn on your own the more you learn, because some of your so called girl friend don’t want to see you happy…THIS IS FACT

As always these are my opinions and opinions hurt no one, yet if your upset about anything that I have stated above then I am talking about your ass… :)

To regret is not to live life….. Big out…. http://www.vdjbig.com

vdjbig, I can agree with 99% of your comment/thought process on the subject. Now that other 1% is that age old point that you black men bring up…”Black women wonder why that white chick got the black guy”. This lone statement is one we will ‘battle’ about forever. You black men will NEVER convince black women that white women do something more,better,different than black women in order to get a black man. Bottomline, and im sure atleast ONE other black women can agree with me on this, in MY experience and what I have observed when I see interracial (black man/white woman) couples is that the white woman is WEAK, MOUSY and a clear SIMPLETON. They 99% of the time have NO BACKBONE when it comes to black men..period. White women do not and never will exemplify strength, which is why white men come looking for black women. Now if their own men, (white men) have said it time and time again…”White women are weak, they arent strong women, thats why I like black women”, then what does that say about the black man who chooses a white woman? Now again I have to say im not speaking on ALL black men, nor am I speaking for all white men, just from my PERSONAL experience. But as I stated before vdjbig, you make very good points in your comment, I agree especially on the ‘girlfriends’ being around part, giving that shytty advice aiming to keep that sister single and waiting to exhale right along with her…

I see CaliFemme23 and “the sheriffs will be here any second” nanadude are off to a good start! It seems they’ve taken my sugestion and are well on the way to unmarried, illigitimate child bliss lol congrats!

Funny, I could have sworn I gave the last brother props for what he said…BUT I see BP doesnt discriminate against the illiterate/mentally challenged.

Nah bruh..@azz_lcka005, There will be no illigitimate children here, see I had more sense than ya momz…I got my tubes tied OR I simply swallow..(smile). I refuse to possibly turn loose on the world some homosexual, inferior, non sequitor (yeah I know I lost you with that word..go look it up), child as YOU. Or maybe youre like the rest of the little boys I went to elementary school with back in the day…they ALWAYS picked on the girls they liked! lol

@ Cali why thanks for your comments.. I will say that 90% of the time that black women are pursued by white men because it’s Taboo please don’t think other wise because I know for a fact that Bob is not taken Shanikwa home from Christmas that other 10% percent might. It’s just like German women getting with black men to find out if they have tails, duhhh,,,,, it might not be a tail but kinda resemble one. : )…

Anyway you have your reasons for how you think and I respect that but you stated white women can’t do anything better than black women, something must be going on because it is one of the hottest topics out and one which concerns black women so much so that they talk about it at the beauty shops all the time…….. Well how can I put this,it seems that at this point that Anglo Saxon women are more adapt to listen to any man not just black men. We can take it a step further and take color out per say, and say that a certain group of women are very successful in obtaining a good man,,,,,why are they not choosing me and how are they doing it? That might be what all women need to ask. When I see a nice looking black women that seems to have it going on the first thing that I think is ….duhhhh is she crazy or what surly someone would have plucked her up…Come to find out that if you don’t make a certain amount of money you must step out the picture… Damn…sometime you get tired of be rejected, hence you start going towards people who don’ reject you…Need I say more..??

Take this with a grain of salt I am not saying this applies to all black/white women but I can tell you from experience white women cater more to a mans ego more so than black women this is fact…I can take ten black women and introduce them to 10 black men and the conversation will be all about her and her needs and what he can do for her. Now take the same 10 black guys and put them in front of white females who are interested in black men and see how long they talk and the variety of the conversation not projected on material things but more on their wants and needs… You want to put it to the test ask 20 black men who is eaiser to conversate with black or white then get back at me…. I can assure you that the Anglo Saxon females will converse more an look past things such as height, eye color, weight, kids,, ect ect.. U want to know why it’s because they only want someone to treat them right so they can be happy. So it’s a sign of weakness to look for and to have happiness. Then I am really weak…. Also you know how strong a mixed couple has to be to even get together….Damn it’s hard and the shizzzit they go through,,, man please…

Let me also add that black women have the ideal dream guy who they are waiting for that will never come because their expectations of a man are so high Obama himself would not be able to reach them.

I consider myself one who can see through much BS when it comes to the opposite sex not everything is black or white. I am not stuck on race or color I only want people in my life that are down for me.. We will chalk it up to some women know how to get what they want and others don’t, some can inspire will the rest put you through the fire.. I’m sure you get my point. Much Love & Peace…

The topic only concerns us when the white woman is hanging on a brother’s arm, laughing at all his jokes, stroking his ego and making everything seem all hunky dory only after he’s given her the keys to his success and told her how he can’t stand black women, meanwhile not even the brother’s mama can get him to come over and cut the lawn or pay for HER a visit to the SPA. Get real vbig! Black women ain’t too concerned when we see ya’ll done picked up some red neck chick with braids cuz we know she love yo dirty broke draw–s. We have a problem when we know that you know ‘stuff it n-e where swallows alot’ is in the bathroom talking big game with the other braindead wannabes about how her man don’t like black women.

Is it cuz he forgot his mama was a black woman, or he just prefer an easy quick lay…just remember it just aint easy and quick for you it’s easy and quick for the highest or lowest bidder as well.

vdjbig- ” We will chalk it up to some women know how to get what they want and others don’t, some can inspire will the rest put you through the fire”

Agreed my man… ;-)

And by the way @vdjbig…I have spoken to MORE than 10/20 black men on this very topic, ( I used to work for a state agency so I’ve talked to black men from all walks of life)…and I can HONESTLY say that 8 out of 10 of them say that talking to a white woman doesnt feel relative, comfortable OR challenging enough. Challenging enough…Hmmm could it be that white women ARE the weaker women and those men that didnt find them appealing dont want a weak one? Maybe the two out of 10 that didnt mind talking to one just didnt care what the deep character of the woman was? I think black men need to bring it UP a notch and black women need to take the attitude down a few pegs….

Like I stated a few pages of comments back, ANY woman that is interested in your finances, home, car, clothes etc…guess what vdjbig…You are NOT talking to a REAL woman… I wish you men would PLEASE stop running into those types and lumping them in with the rest of us…Just like you guys dont want us considering EVERY man that has on loose fitting jeans and a red/blue shirt is in a gang, we dont want that generalization either.

I have stated that not all black women fall into the same category, it’s unfortunate that the majority of black women are materialistic. We all get lumped into groups it’s just how it is but it’s how you as an individual separate yourself from that group that will make you stand out.

Lashawk I have a strong black mother in my life one who also taught me that happiness is found in many places some of which you would least expect. U are on the outside looking in when things seem hunky dory and guess what they might be. Also why would it concern you that that anybody is hanging on anybody’s arms. Why not worry about who is hanging on your arm… Why you in their biz…Another one of the issues of black women always in somebody’s biz and critical for no reason…IF THEY LIKE IT I LOVE IT. I could care less why cause it’s not me it’s them… Why concern yourself with any of it. Trust me I am awake the glass is just half full and half empty….. Much love and Peace…

i dont understand the big deal about somebody being so called challeging enough. why does my significant other and i have to challenge each other all the time? what about having peace in a relationship instead of arguing all the time? im not gonna say that some of the whit girls i have dated or weak or all the black girls i have dated or strong, i believe in apporaching people as individuals. people say to stop running into a ceartin type of women, but is the majority of women are a ceartin type, then how do we not run into them? and those 8 out of 10 black men that said that they didnt find them challenging enough did not stop them from dating that white girl!!!

@pantherg08- YES it did stop them from dating the white girl. See YOU just took away from those men’s intelligence. Trust me dear, there are black men that DO NOT RUN to white women like you do. SOME of us were raised to appreciate and admire those of OUR kind…Because bottomline EVERYONE has faults,flaws,issues regardless of race. Those of YOU that think your hispanics and whites are doing something better or different…tsk tsk tsk..I have heard MANY horror stories about black men who had children with whites OR HISPANICS and it was ALL bad my sweet…Ive heard of their women pulling stunts that I HAVE NOT and WOULD NEVER attempt…So you go ahead and keep thinking that cave women or others are the way to go when YOU arent strong enough to handle your own black women…

Im done with this topic…I can see Pantherg08 is going to make me post something very UNlady like…

Laughable at best. Why care about the ‘hanging’? Cuz it’s exactly that! When a man is pleased to be draped by his woman to boast PDA then phony is as phony does. Interracial relationships ain’t all bad, naw I ain’t saying that….but damn take more than two minutes before admiting defeat and claiming sistas to be too strong too dominant or whatever b/c anything worth having requires time, investment and work.

And if you ain’t finding a sista that is willing to compromise and be strong at the same time for a good upstanding brotha ready to move forward, then she too is melted in diversity, playing into the great white hype and has forgotten the value of a real brotha!

Why care…period? Cuz I don’t have to know him to consider him my brotha and just like my blood brotha’s I want my other brothers to have truth, love and happiness and unless u plan on stickity dickity for a living, there’s a whole world of shyt that needs our attention, unity and progress tops the list. Anyone who can’t relate to ur struggles will have a hard time understanding when the struggle requires ur undivided attention.

Brothas help yourselves–choose whatever other race u feel comfortable with at random—just don’t minimize a black woman’s worth AND feel free to slap the taste out of the mouth of anyone who says otherwise, even if just for mama’s sake…and since we’re being honest, if BS is all u have to offer my brotha….well Im sure yo strong black mama has told you the rest….Ciao

CNN —-Just saw this LOL! Vanessa Lopez and Shaq….I rest my case. WHEN WILL YOU DICKHEADS GET IT!

lashawk, I like you! lol

MOM IS THE MAN!

How can I love a man when the first man in my life left me!
How can I let a man lead me when the leader of home and heart was my mother!

How can I let a man be a man when my mother was the man!
How can I Love a man when 70% of our households are dominated by women!

How can I not be independent! When my mother paid the bills, cooked the meals, fixed the car and taught me to throw a ball!
How can you ask me to submit to you! When mom had to stay strong!
How can I understand the phase? “Let a man be a man, when mom was the man!”

Note: Our black men want us as black women to be like other cultures. How can we when black father are leaving their children in record numbers, therefore when you want our love & what comes along with being in a relationship think about that little girl or boy that was left behind. THEY
MIGHT BE ONE OF THAT 70%!

By MAM

SELLING OUT: WHERE HAS THE VILLAGE GONE! BY: MAM

Many people talk about selling out; in the black community we take things as usual to the next level.
Selling out in the black community can get you killed or get you banned from being black!

Who sold us out?
We have gone from the days of being Kings and Queens & now replaced with being called Ho’s & Bithces, Pimps & Ganstas, strippers are our new role models. Doctors or Lawyer Hell even having a black man as the President won’t them pull up their pants.

Now who’s sold out!
Our neighborhoods, families for what…the mighty Dollar Bill!
Wait now I know we don’t own planes to bring it here and there are no gun factories in the HOOD, but if you STOP and think about it, just for a second what if you sold your product in Beverly Hills, Hampton NY, in the most affluent neighborhoods what might happen thin. Think about it!

STOP SAYING I!
I didn’t put that pipe in their hands!
I didn’t put that needle in their arm!
I was not a part of the destruction of the black family!
I was not the cause your son or daughter dropping out of school!
I was not there when they OD!
I was not the one who killed those innocent people!
I was not the one that shot up the wrong house!
I was not the one that killed the next Nobel Prize Winner!
I am not the cause of over prison crowding!
I am not the cause of 70% of fathers being out of the home!
I was not the one killing over the color of clothing!
I AM NOT A SELL OUT!

WE DIDN’T START THE FIRE…BUT OUR CHILDREN ARE PAYING THE PRICE FOR HOW WE HAVE KEPT IT RAGING!

IT TAKES A VILLAGE AND WE’VE LET OUR CHILDREN DOWN!

Stephanie: There are so many answers to this Chez. It ranges from choosing the wrong guys that get you pregnant and leave to extremely educated black women who can’t find guys that are mentally or financially on the same level. What did the post say?
about an hour ago · UnlikeLike · 3 peopleLoading…
o
Chesli: It said— Black women have bad attitudes, too many children, too independent, gold diggers, controlling, dont care about their image after marriage, do not cater nor respect their men, complain too much, problems are never their fault– HOW DISGUSTING AND IGNORANT IS THIS TO SAY——

Stephanie: Wow! I must admit we can be a bit too independent but last I checked that is a great characteristic. While some men want women who they have to treat like children, some actually want women who can do for themselves. It is sad sometimes to see these stereotypes of how black women are portrayed in society, thats why we have to rise above our situations and show proof positive that we are everything but these things.

Mylissa: First: Let’s stop calling all males MEN:
Second: Black women have had to be man and woman in our culture! so how can she follow when momma was the head of the
HOUSE!

Chesli: We have so many positive black women today in our society as is. It is sad to say but no matter what we do or how far we may climb the corporate ladder and do everything we could do as positive black women, there are still guys out their looking to point the finger because they cannot cope with their own short commings.

Mylissa
Black are once again are being BLAMED for our counter parts and lack of motivation to pull YOUR PANTS UP, take that GOLD S**T out of your mouths and stop BLAMING black women and White people for your actions! Their 827,680 African American …males in
prison or jail and in 2008 Black males College 919,000.See More

Mylissa I meant to say Black women are once again being Blamed!

Stephanie Beal-Reynolds Mylissa this is so true! Black women unfortunately take the brunt of the societal beating because of the lack of active black fathers in the home. Buying a pair of sneakers or a jacket every winter does NOT what a FATHER is. They have no idea or clue and continue to blame us for and the “white man” for all of their problems!

Stephanie: does NOT *constitute*…sorry ladies I was too pissed.

Chesli
The problem is that our black women are shown in such a disrespectful and negative manner, such as ” Rap videos” National Statistics, Talk Shows— Why is this when one of the highest paid women own her own talk show and now tv station (Opr…ah)– a black woman, Our first lady— a black woman– My father- who worked her butt off and raised five kids ALONE!!– a black woman– so you mean to tell me there are no positive black women. A BLACK WOMAN– IS YOUR MOTHER– A BLACK WOMAN IS YOUR SISTER– NEXT TO MALCOM, MARTIN AND MANDELA WAS A BLACK WOMAN!!!!!See More

Mylissa
Our village is BURNING and our BLACK males don’t seem to care.
Divide and Conquer is our new Motto:
They say black males should be on the endangered species list!
They seem to be F**in clueless
IF YOU TAKE THE HEAD THEN THE BODY WILL DIE… T…HIS IS THE BLACK COMMUNITY… MALE OUR BACK ON THE PLANTATION (JAIL) AND THE WOMEN ARE DEFENDING THE VILLAGE !

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