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i’m not understanding how a lot of successful black women are single. what is not appealing about them for there to be so many of them single?

why is it always the blk woman who can’t find a “good” man or “successful” blk woman can never find a mate? the blk man seems to never have a problem nor other women are making the same claim.

some women i know who are/or have been successful show it a bit TOO much… (give off the appearance that they dont need ANYTHING or the have EVERYTHING they need.) so why bother someone who is making it hard to approach..
everyone needs that feeling of being needed sometimes… i see women like that all the time at my job SMH the moment you take a brick from their exterior wall they’ve got two more to take its place… tisk tisk gotta let it go sometimes, and say “Its going to be alright”.

So, if we want to find out why black women are so lonely in DC, I guess we have to buy the book, huh? There are lonely people of all races and ages, all over the world. Why should black women in D.C., be any different?

Pardon me while I play my violin. If a “successful sister” is lonely, she only has herself to blame.

LuckyJester777_ u are a genious with this one…successful black women are often times non approachable because MOST of them have that ‘I have everything’ demeanor. I work with MANY successful black women whom I admire, but their attitudes dont say “Hey I want someone to add to my life”. And they are ALL single..tsk tsk tsk….

Here we go again with this martyrdom shyt. If someone is successful and can’t find a mate, then perhaps they need to look in the mirror at themselves and reconsider their criteria….

thank you @CaliFemme23… its more on experience really about every other women i have dated i run into this scenrio. to me the problem is simple they dont take time to use the *power of reset*. to them they think everything is fine and its others who are crazy,goofy,not worthy of this…you get the point.
and @Esoteric you are correct, but… when most people nowdays dont even take time to slow down and reflect how they appear or even treat other people for that matter. A LOT of men can see this and/or see through the masquerade, only a select few will actually dive in to see whether the water is too cold or too hot… LOL

CaliFemme23

Thank You 4 your insight Queen

And I have read your response 2 my question but I am tryin 2 answer it so please bare with me

I don’t think it’s as easy as looking into a mirror and say o this is why i’m single! I mean lets be for real. Alot of women have high standarads and i’m not mad at them. There are certain things i want. I want a man who has morals, high standards, drive or ambition, one who is career and family oriented, and spiritual. What i don’t want is baby mama drama, poor money managers, complacency, or a man with commitment phobias. Alot of black men just don’t want to commit. Some men have LOW SELF-ESTEEM, yeah i said it, and when they run into a strong one they may feel intimidated and think o she’s going to make me do things i don’t want to. She’s going to make me be responsible, and live by my word. Nah, i ain’t having that. You have the ones who live in a false reality wanting his woman to look like his favorite celebrity. lol. Then you have the crew who want to screw as many as possible. To those, please remain single, thanks in advance. Those are some reasons why women are single and lonely. If you have beef with my comment, see me after class. *smile*

Esoteric/luckyjester…I admire what all of the men have to say on this being is that its speaking on what a woman may have issue with. You are all correct. I have noticed (even with myself), the ‘higher’ you get on a ‘ladder’ in career it not only makes SOME women feel like they have higher career goals BUT they must have higher criteria and I dont think thats the case ALWAYS. Ofcourse we want someone to be ambitious and on the ‘level’ with us. But money/career/status should not be the HIGHEST point on the standards meter. I think with everything just about in life, the outside is always prety good looking..when its always the inside that needs the work,time,patience and understanding. Many ‘high power’ women, (especially black ones) arent willing to go through this most times because they feel ‘I have everything together why doesnt he?” They dont realize often times they push very good men away JUST because they arent on a certain ‘life’ level.

Oh ladies ladies ladies, dont beat me all the way down for this one…remember I said SOME women feel this way and this is only due to MY personal experience working with women in these situations and counceling. As well as the FACT that I have done it too…”uh uh, he is only a ____ he cant get with ME!” BUT I finally stepped down off my high,college grad medical field horse and met a man who I do make more than financially, BUT I would rather have someone I absolutely get along with, who treats me VERY well, and I can trust, as opposed to waiting, WAITING for that one man to graduate and get in my very same position and we have nothing in common…

Once again, my disclaimer is THIS IS MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCE LADIES!!

At times..women can run into who could very well be Mr. Right, But because he’s currently been laid off due to problems out of his control, doesnt make as much as she does, doesnt drive ‘that’ vehicle, or isnt in as many college classes as he can take…she wont give him the time of day because of the position she is already in…Now I Know the women are going to HATE me for this…but we all KNOW its true. Either we have seen it, witnessed it or been the woman in question….

@ Jack_Stephen1

Good point!!!

To all the black ladies or anyone for that matter…if you are soooo successful yet lonely, then you need to reconsider what success is.

CaliFemme23, you’re making good points. These type of women are lonely because they are too picky, unrealistic expectations, too controlling, and reactive also. How a woman is so called “successful” and proactive when it comes to career, school, and obtaining material things. But reactive on finding a man. These type of women need to do a self evaluation on why they are alone, instead playing the victim role. Also this alotta Black men don’t wanna commit. That’s pure bs. It’s Black men who wanna get married or be in a relationship. It’s just tired azz guys mess up Black women’s perception on Black men.

sometime these lady are so hard to find.i would describe these woman as woman of class and quality.

many “successful” blk women don’t bring calm and peace in a man’s life and this is why they’re single. they think just because they got the financial and materialism covered this gives them license to run the show. they try to manage or supervise a man as they do their subordinates in the workplace.

like billy d. told diana ross in one of the 70s movies…success ain’t nuthin unless you got somebody to share it with!

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I have to agree with misslyricist. A lot of black men do have low self esteem. Somebody said the successful black woman has an appearance that gives of a vibe as if “she doesn’t need anybody.” Why are people mistaking their strength are their weakness? Men do it all the time especially when they have their life together. I don’t think its the black woman’s fault because the rate of black women becoming more successful is high and increasing while the rate of successful black men has been low and decreased over the years. Black men aren’t even trying to finish school anymore. I think its because successful black women is something we aren’t use to. These days we (blacks) have allowed ourselves to “tolerate and settle” for those that do us more harm than good. We have mistaken love with infatuation. Love isn’t asking me to settle for you while you aren’t trying to make moves to better yourself. Its funny how everything goes back to the woman but I find that through all of the hate against each other between/against black women & how our men are dying/killing each other—the fact that we are becoming more successful still shows that we can/still are making it through whatever. The fact that the rates of black men being incarcerated/murdered is increasing while the rates of them finishing school is decreasing shouldn’t be put on the black woman that wants a brother that busted his butt (in a positive way) as much as she has. There are women out there with ridiculous standards, but for the most part those “high standards” aren’t high at all, they are standards we all should have. If woman actually stuck to them more there wouldn’t be that many “bastard misfits” that rome/terrorize the black community. Its not fair to degrade the successful black woman because she doesn’t nor should she chose to mess with somebody that can’t be there 100%. Its not all about fun/games, relationships have a serious side and take work as well. Black men we love you but yal need to straighten up.

and I agree @ simplicity_4u87… successful women are women of class and quality.

p.s- I’m not going to say any names but I find it funny that some men on here posted comments against the successful black woman but he/they themselves are content with being low paid/temporarily paid laborers and have kids AND didn’t finish school but wants to get mad because a sista doesn’t ant to settle for him/them. WEIRD

We are living in selfish times, if the rich & famous cant seem to get it together on the romance level then who else can??
so many people(men and women) are just caught doing themselves….unfortunately that means having to be single to avoid th bs, lies, drama, broken promises…ect the list literally goes on and on. Not to mention if nothing lsast forever what is the point of starting something you know will eventually end??

http://www.swaggtalk100.net

@sexymoneymaker- Very negative comment. “Not to mention if nothing lsast forever what is the point of starting something you know will eventually end??” Very defeatest attitude. Thats like saying if you know car accidents happen all the time then why drive? If you know people get shot, then why go outside? Because we have to try in order for outcome. LIke that saying goes..”If you dont let ANYTHING ever happen to you, then NOTHING will ever happen to you” (Hope you guys got that one). The simple fact that the above named author in this story has a book titled “Bytch Is the New Black,” says TOO MUCH about how society and unfortunately black people view their women.

Before a man can even attempt to approach a black woman, he has that kind of negativity staring him in the face. I for one am insulted that ‘bytch is the new black” What kind of perception is that giving people about us as women? And women everywhere will go read this sex in the city knock off book, and go play an old cassette tape of ‘No Scrubs’ by TLC, (even though those three couldn’t seem to keep a man!), and hail their independence as strong black women!! HOORAH! When that idiot book came out about black men titled ‘Key to Being a True Player.” We, atleast I know I was lookin black men all up and down side they heads like “ni*gga what?!”
@daintyjen- I said black women have that aire that they dont need anybody. And its true they do…Ok, if you just browse pages of SOME women here on blackplanet, (just as example, im not sayin love is here waiting on BP), I cant count how many times I’ve read a woman’s page on here that stated how she likes this and that about a man, he has to have this and that, he has to look like this and that etc…and at the very end of her personal message it clearly states “IM AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN, I DONT NEED A MAN IN MY LIFE CUZ I GOT MY OWN!” But yet she gave a X-Mas wish list of what exactly SHE WANTS! Now I’m not a man by far, but even that shyt strikes me as hella stupid! Women are VERY confusing, BLACK women are very confusing at times in their standards/demands. “I’m a lady, so dont come at me wrong! Respect me or else!” This is oft. times typed RIGHT NEXT to a picture of her breasts hanging out of everywhere and just above her azz stuck out in the latest pair of baby phat booty shorts! Ladies we may have the best careers and all that, but WE need to take SOME responsibility for our own actions when we step out there to meet men as well..its not ALL their faults. (Yes, guys I need your back up because the women are going to light a cross in my front yard for this!!lol). And im only speaking of it from this perspective because at one point I TOO was guilty of it. When I realized what I was doing wrong, I then met a VERY good man who’s not filthy rich, he doesnt drive a BMW 7 series, he works, I work, we work on helping each other and that works just fine.

Now on to you MEN! I agree with SOME of what the women are saying here, it does make sense. You guys need to step up your confidence and NOT be intimidated or put off by a woman who has more than you do at the time. BE SURE to work forward with what you want and not just talk about it. How many wanna be rappers/singers do we ladies know arent going ANYWHERE with it? My point there…DUDES! Be realistic about yourselves! Men dont complain about women who JUST want material things…simple resolution…dont go after those types..period. Just because shes the ‘baddest chick in the club” doest mean shes the chick for YOU. Stop being so shallow, non communicative, lack luster, and non chalant about black women. I get sick of hearing guys that say ‘Oh im a real laid back kinda guy” To us that translates into “Ok, he has no drive or ambition when it comes to meeting a woman”. TURN OFF! If we need to step up ‘game’ then I KNOW you guys need to! Stop always talking about ‘gettin ya paper’ and you wont attract women who want ‘ya paper’. Step up with confidence, not just looking for sex, (yeah yall got that BAD!), dont make it your GOAL to eventually jump in bed all the time…wait for it..wait for it….We just really need to come together better to understand one another instead of assuming and working off of FACE VALUE. In the long run face value can change and then youre left with the person inside. We as women want to know you guys are ready for the person inside…

I mean so what if black women say that. black men make songs about not needing a female and woman are nothing but “hos and tricks”. They pat each other on the back for how many women they slept with I mean everybody has their flaws and contributions to the problem. That whole “i dont need a man” is basically them saying I dont need no broke/extra baggage/typical bs man in my life. Either way its all talk. Black men aren’t taking responsibilities for their actions. I lost count of how many times I heard black men complain about being judged, well whose fault is it for assuming that this successful black woman seems to not “need” a man?

and I agree with your last paragraph

@daintyjen_I concur with you. (thank you so much for being a fellow respectful,intelligent black woman in here!!). Men do make songs about ‘hoe’s and tricks, breezies and jump-offs”. That I dont care for AT ALL really, and I wonder why the women in the videos even participate..but that’s a whole different topic now aint it! lol. The ones that give pats on the back and make bets about ‘taking a woman down’…im glad they are so evident, makes it easier to KEEP CLEAR OF EM! You cant say ‘so what if black women say that’ because then it just goes back and forth with ‘well you did it too/first! so im gonna do what i do” I mean is that really solving the problem? Don’t get me wrong, I cant stand when men point out EVERY flaw women have and even yet in this topic, even though im riding on both sides, I havent seen ONE man post about what his fellow men should be doing on their behalves..HHMMM, will the real men please stand up? Men do ASSUME too much also. I have been approached many times and told “I didnt think I could talk to you, you LOOK like you dont ‘need’ a man” WTF kind of childish, low esteemed comment is that? Trust me, I agree with you on many points…When men decide to come out and say “Hey, we be phuckin up too!” Then MAYBE our own race relations will be resolved…

One more thing to the men: Stop comparing who we are and what are our flaws and whatnot to women of other races. Yeap I said it…The minute you guys run into a black woman with a brain whos not going to take any shyt, yall resort to ‘See thats why black men like other races, they are more submissive, they treat us better, they do more in bed, they have better attitudes” Tell you what, if you guys give US what you give those others just because they are a different race…then you will in turn get what you want from us. I had a white guy ask me once, why dont we black women start dating white men? I told him, Because, we black women really do LOVE our own men, and we arent COWARDS like they are who arent willing to stick it out and work with each other as opposed to running where its easy!
DISCLAIMER: If I am NOT talking about you as a black man, then dont take it personal.

CaliFemme23 and DaintyJen, I know you’re speaking in general. But I feel like the Black men who aren’t these stereotypes y’all claiming are overlooked though. Pereception distorts reality. Like I say, women need to stop worrying about the men who don’t want them or attempting to change the men who don’t want to change themselves positively. The reason why men aren’t pointing out every flaw our fellow man has. Because you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make them drink. It’s on the man if he wants to change for the better as a person. Also the flaws my fellow man has I never even had them at all. I treat women with respect, I have confidence to approach women and handle rejection without negativity, I’m getting a higher education currently, grew up in a 2 parent home, and never stereotype people neither. Like Biggie said in the movie Notorious,”Before we change the world, we have to change ourselves.” Quit worrying about the next man if he doesn’t want better in life or change himself totally. I’m a Black man who takes responsibility for his actions. I get called old man or different on how I carry myself as a person and my views on life. There’s well rounded Black men out here. They aren’t as obvious or attract attention like the negative Black man society portrays or always talking about.

westsidecartel_ Ok, I got you. Well, daintyjen and I will just keep ourselves open to those that DONT fit the sterotypes, as im sure good men will do the same. But like I said, I dont think ALL men are like that…I’ve never lumped them all in one big box..I enjoy, love, and appreciate those of you that are great people…

oh dont get me wrong I don’t think ALL black men are the same because if I did I wouldn’t have came across my man that I am 100% grateful for. But you have got to admit, it sucks to see our fellow sistas and brothas not knowing/experiencing what good men/women are like.

DaintyJen, some Black people be so bitter that they block Mr or Ms. Right outta their lives. This n/iggas or b/itches ain’t shyt cliche phrases are tired and need to get rid of altogether. Certain Black People need to stop playing the victim role or the blame game and take personal repsonsibilty for their actions. I feel like some people should take a self evaluation of their lives before getting back on the dating scene and stop jumping head first in the scene after a heartbreak or break up. A closed hand cannot receive anything in life. So people should be open/positive and let go of the past so they can focus on the future basically.

I agree with you @ WestsideCartelAtl85 but you do have to admit that many people have the definitions of what a “good person” and a “good mate” is confused. A person may be a good person but not a good mate. Perfect example, my ex= held doors, took me out and paid majority of the time, didn’t care about PDA, well mannered and very chivalrous. Me and him still remain good friends to day but thats it because he refuses to finish school or create some type of business but wanted to get married and blahblahblah. Cheating men may be good people BUT they most definitely aren’t good mates. My point is; is yes people need to be more open but still have some standards. These days I see men who have kids and aren’t trying to excel in life ask so many women to stop with the “high standards” and be “open”. Not saying success is the most important thing but if people got on their grind more and hand children with those that can afford their kids without the tax payers money that would solve a lot of flaws in the black community. Black men should be excelling just like the black women and not focusing so much energy on what the woman does. NOT saying that black men are 100% responsible but ever since I started blogging on this site, I have barely seen black men take responsibility of their role in the way things are.

Lord these topics are annoying and played out. The reason why black women are as successful as they are is because they are lonely. Its a shame that the black woman that has her head on right has to be lonely in order to thrive in the work industry. Men use that “she has high standards” bullshyt when they are self concious. I agree with some of the comments about black men having to excel. We as black men have nothing but thugs and fake thugs and drug dealers as our voice. Black women have some of the most successful black women that are lonely or have been loney and childless (oprah and tyra banks) because no good brothas can hold weight. I have not seen a brother on tv talking directly to the young black men out here. People want the man title but can’t pay the role. I look at a lot of you young cats out here degrading the very black women that were and are there when your daddys ran out. Maybe the black woman is right, more black men need to be more successful. Its not black women putting the good brothers in the shadows, its the lost brothers tainting our image.

Its about time you lazy cats get up and get your weight up like the black woman so they have something to come home to. If a black woman has issues so what, if you haven’t learned that all women are over emotional by now then you still have a lot to learn about women.

Hmmmm Cartel my man I think shes right…I havent been blogging that long at all, maybe a month or so now, and I have YET to see a black man step up and speak to his brothers as I have done to the ladies…just making a key point or two as to why things might be the way they are between US. Men are QUICK to point out how we black women dont measure up to white women or hispanics…BUT they have yet to give us ANY credit for who we are and what we stand for…Nor have the men stood up and said “Hey men, we need to step up for the ladies too”. No, you guys dont, the majority of black men just choose to RUN to other races of women while sighting black women’s faults the entire way…
I dont NEED a man to pat me on the back, not at all, but if anything is to get better within our race…we HAVE to start taking responsibility…And I dont mean men who say “Well im not like that”…Thats nice, but NO ONE was born and raised and lived perfectly. The first path to recover is ALWAYS responsibility…

@brothafromchicago_ You ALMOST got it right…lol. ” Its a shame that the black woman that has her head on right has to be lonely in order to thrive in the work industry”. This isnt the right perception at all…We do not have to be lonely in order to thrive in the work place…I would really appreciate it bro from Chi, if you could explain that comment. Loneliness and progression do not go hand in hand as far as I have learned and or know.

-”If a black woman has issues so what, if you haven’t learned that all women are over emotional by now then you still have a lot to learn about women.”
LOL..Once again, I think your intentions are GREAT, just not a clear cut way to project. What you said in that quote is mildly insulting. All PEOPLE have issues, and NO, not EVERY woman is ‘over emotional’. Some women believe it or not do operate on logic and rationale. The woman that operates solely on emotion is not in control of who she is completely inside, nor is she in control of what she wants to project on the outside..Not all of us are like that.

If you havent learned that all women are NOT over emotional by now, then you have a lot to learn about women my sweet…

“hate between and against the black women” is present but they are still thriving. Since black men have so many fingers to point, whats the black man excuse? DaintyJen, success is VERY important. You have a business that deals with children who are born into bullsh1t BECAUSE their parents didn’t look to see where the other person is at in their life. Relationships are about what both peopel can bring to the table. The susscessful black woman wants a man that brings more benefits than baggage to the table. Theres a point at which women need to stop being so “open” and stop listening to these cats that are telling them that they are bitter. Yal have every right to be angry at the very men who yal stood next to for the past 500+ years but choose to not give yal a better life.

lmao @ CaliFemme23 I didn’t intend to be insulting its a joke for I am the only son out of 7 children. Its a joke that me and my father always said for being the only 2 men in a house with 7 women that has that special monthly friend. Woman are emotional as far as showing emotion. I do not believe and did not say that I think all women opertate without logic and rationale. Nor did I say women are the only ones with issues. These days people have turned that term into something negative. Theres nothing wrong with being emotional. I love it when yal cry, I love it when yal talk that sh1t about that other female, I love it when yal saw “awwwwwwwww!” to puppies and babies. But thats not something us guys do so therefore= women are more emotional. Like that little attitude you have its cute and catty but men don’t get catty lol.

I also didn’t say the ONLY reason why black women are successful is because they are loney. I’m simply stating that it plays a role.

there aren’t as many black women as there are white & hispanic women in America but black women are the lonliest group. BUT they are the successful ones out of a group thats been at the bottom in this country for some time now (blacks). I’ve lost count on the number of women on here that said that they don’t want a relationship–they are going to focus their time and enegery on school and work. While I was earning my degrees I was in school 20 hours a week and worked 45 hours a week. PLus the time for myself. That left little to no time for a relationship. So relationships do play roles in success. Michelle Obama was ready to leave Obama because he was too busy. I bet you if he wasn’t in the career he was in and wasn’t trying to become president, she would have left him because its obvious that shes not a gold digger. DaintyJen you even stated that you were single for awhile and was able to start your own business and get accepted into optometry and pharmacy school.

relationships take work and sometimes you aren’t in the position or have the time to be in 1. The successful black women made it to a point in which they can have fun and a family. Theres nothign wrong with them telling black men to step up and be able to do the same. I say these things because I do a lot of work in the black communities in Chicago and work with a lot of black men, women, and youths. When it boils down to it, black men need to straighten up. Notice how things are when your fellow men are divided and broken. We are intoxicating and we are bringing the black women down. Yes women are responsible as well, but yal jsut said yal haven’t seen a man admit their roles. Well I’m doing it and keeping it 100, accept it. lol

since my inbox isn’t loading Gin&Juice answer your phone. Nic is having a bar-b-que!

my criteria is simple, i go out with all types of women and i pretty much want a down to earth women, not a women who thinks that with money comes class and she should be treated like a diva because of her wealth.
one black women i was dating told me i should open the door for her EVERYTIME she is in the car, damn can you come down to earth and lets try to be friends.
but to be honest many black succesful women i meet have calmed down alot are are willing to be more open and have fun rather than play the diva role. i think black men are intimidated and selfconscious that they dont fit a STEREOTYPICAL BLACK WOMEN STANDARDS, they must understand that this standard only exist in the black man head and sisters are now more open, and if shes not move on its just that simple.

the weird thing is i see black relationships i just dont see black men marrying sisters. i see white women getting married all the time, its like they dont even worry about it, as soon as they are dating its only natural to make the next step. but we as black men see it as some type of hold on us, its possible this stem from so many of us not having fathers and seeing the foundation of a family unit. this is very scarey because its a domino effect thats being past down. i would say that sisters thats successful need to be more aggressive and ask the man to marry her, i bet she would be pleasently surprised that he would say yes.
stop think traditional when it comes to black relationships.
i also must keep pushing for black women to not let themselves go, to keep going to the gym to SLIM DOWN, keep getting their hair done , always be sexy and appealing, dont keep saying that white women are TAKING OUR MEN, first off they are not taking anything , the men are pursuing them, and those arent YOUR MEN, this is a old saying that need to be erased because its not true and nobody truly believe it.

@Deshawn121…See you had me until you added this….”I also must keep pushing for black women to not let themselves go, to keep going to the gym to SLIM DOWN”. What does a black woman continually slimming down have to do with getting a man? No one ever said black men were calling us fat or out of shape…For me and im sure a lot of other thick sistahs out there the way we LOOK is NEVER a problem. It’s whats going on in the mind thats the problem. What black men need to do is realize that NO black woman in her right mind is going to fight to be a trophy and or to be slimming down, nor are we going to try and be some celebrity looking chick thats probably all plastic, drugs and chemicals anyway. It is IMPOSSIBLE for any woman to ALWAYS be sexy and appealing…got two words for ya with that one..PIPE DREAM! And oh my sweet I have seen MORE than my fair share of black men with BIG SLOPPY women of other races. I am 5’9 183lbs…no where near slim at all…AND I LOVE IT! Never had a complaint. If black women are to slim down…then they slim down for THEMSELVES, not to get some man’s attention.

But on the flip side, I LOVED everything else you had to say! (smile)

The real problem is these black women are not people of good character. They have all the education in the in world, but that does not make you a good person. They may have a great job, beautiful home, they might even be physically attractive, but they lack in character. Too many times society promotes what we should have and what is good and what is bad. All I have to say is look at our society and how jacked up it is. Talk about the miseducation of the negro. Now they have all of this education, great job, great home, nice looking, but there is the other side.
They can’t cook, don’t know what it is to be a good parent. Are too much into themselves and think the world revolves around them.
They always say I can’t find someone who has the same educational backround as me. Well, when did that become a solid factor on rather a relationship was going to suceed. That is just a societal factor. There is no correlation between people who have advanced degrees and people that don’t and their success at a relationship.

My question is to many of these black women? What was your backround growning up? What did your parents do? Were they married or divorced, How were you raised or not raised and who raised you. What were your families morals, values and belief system.

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@afro-latino_ I like the points you make here..But I dont agree with you saying that these successful women are not people of good character. Some of these women could be intimidated, some might not even know how to approach a relationship, Some might even have low self esteem. All of these examples in now way allude to the women not having good character. That was a very tunnel vised generalization. But youre right, it may just have to do with how they were raised, where, who raised them etc…Great point. I dont care how old we get, our background plays a part in who we are at some point..(Yeah, I’m outspoken because thats how I was raised).

Your second paragraph was right on point though!

afrom-latino
If you meet a sister and one of her criteria is what did your parents do id advise you to walk away and fast because her dream man fantasy is more important than finding a real man,and she showing signs of being a perfectionist will destroy a relationship.
many sister ask about careers and schooling only because they would like a professional man like every other women but im always honest about my life and career, hey i work with my hands and im proud of it and if its not enough for you or the lifestyle that you want( once again a fantasy man)then i keep moving.
Sister also want partners that they can discuss business, environment,international issues, community and so on and not just play station madden, and all day sports. If you clarify that you are honestly interested in those issues thats important to her a master degress and phd wont be such a important criteria to her.

What I noticed with a lot of other relationships is that people “let stuff slide” so much to the point where disrespect becomes “normal”. Especially women, they don’t know how to not let men walk all over them. They tolerate so much to the point where they build up a lot of anger. Its ridiculous how the amount of disrespect in relationships is now normal/expected human behavior. ALL and I literally mean all of the successful black women that I see/know and that are single– are strong women. I mean good women. They tell it like it is and they let men know how they want/deserve to be treated. They say what they expect among other things. Men aren’t use to women “checking” their behavior, which is why many of them promote/support/engage in infidelity instead of promoting communication. (women are guilty as well) But I refuse to believe that a WHOLE group (successful black women) are single because of their flaws when we are a race (men&women) that hasn’t advanced in decades.

I feel what you are saying @ afro-latino but I feel like that judgement is more geared towards what the media portrays about successful black women. There hasn’t been a survey or anything to show or talk about the % of successful black women that can’t cook and etc. You said look at how our communities are—well a lot of it has to do with UNEDUCATED and UNSUCCESSFUL people who are INCAPABLE of properly taking care of their offspring– and how they choose to multiply. So much focus is on everything BUT education and knowledge/intelligence. Theres more women then men, many of our black men are locked up/selling/incarcerated/being murdered/murderers so people can’t sit here and act as if the successful black man is everywhere, because you guys aren’t. Minus the lost brothas, the very small % of good/successful black men is to be competed for amongst the successful black women and women of all other races while the female gender is the more in population.

I mean the VERY small % of black men that aren’t living in the “fast lane” and that aren’t caught up in all of the superficial stereotypes and etc.

I think many brothers are going for these extremelly beautiful women with the perfect body and gets upset when she shooots them down, usually these women have so many men throwing money at their feet they expect it from every guy they meet, we all seen her shes at a lounge just talkign to a few of her girlfriends with a look of disdain on her face as if saying why am i here.DONT WASTE YOUR TIME AND BANK ACCOUNT LEAVE HER ALONE, YOU AND I KNOW YOU HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON WITH THIS WOMEN BESIDES INITIAL LUST.

CALIFEMME
If you are happy with your size then its ok but all Im saying is when you hear black men say they love thick sisters and gigantic booties stereotype bull its just that, BULL. when a brother get to a certain level in his career or status and gets succesful you better believe he will have that slim women on his arm thats making a effort to look good.dont let black men fool you, their criteria of shape would be just as strict as white men if giving the same options of slim sisters, havnet you noticed that the slim sisters with great shapes always have a cattle call of men going for them, its because their isnt enough.

this statement you made :”What black men need to do is realize that NO black woman in her right mind is going to fight to be a trophy and or to be slimming down, nor are we going to try and be some celebrity looking chick thats probably all plastic, drugs and chemicals anyway. It is IMPOSSIBLE for any woman to ALWAYS be sexy and appealing…got two words for ya with that one..PIPE DREAM “its disturbing because you are saying black women wont go to the gym to slim down or try to look good for their partner becaue THOSE women are plastic and its impossible for any women to always look sexy,excuses excuses no one said always but make a effort.

why are many black men being disrespected? why are they ok with having babies by a man who have no intention of being a father? why are they lowering their standards to criminals?
is it because of their OPTIONS? and why are their options so few only connected to thatconfused group of black men?

Why do these black women have such a low self worth ? do they feel they are worth a good man? if not why? what do these women have in common?

BE HONEST.

i meant black women being disrespected

“why are many black men being disrespected? why are they ok with having babies by a man who have no intention of being a father? why are they lowering their standards to criminals?
is it because of their OPTIONS? and why are their options so few only connected to thatconfused group of black men?
Why do these black women have such a low self worth ? do they feel they are worth a good man? if not why? what do these women have in common?”

I agree @ deshawn121, but it seems as if the women who do stick to their standards are the very successful black women that are single. Its as if the successful black woman is thought to be immune to having problems. Why are men willing to tolerate a woman with little to no class, women who have no intentions of going to school or working, women that have a couple of kids by different men, and women that spends so much money on beauty? But when the successful black woman has a problem…black men turn their backs on them?

i dont think any one knows what they want in a mate, how to get themor what they are looking for. stereotypes and fantasies cloud our perceptions, I believe successful black women should be more aggressive if they are interseted in someone and put aside that fantasy mate and life and deal with reality and basic principles of compainionship.
and black men need to be more honest in what they are looking for and expectations in a mate, and when they meet that person keep the relationship fresh dont just get comfortable and stop keeping yourself put together and dont allow her to slack off either, MEN ARE VISUAL CREATURES, once they are bored visually they will look for more interesting views, the unfortunate situation is black men dont have the self control to stay in the relationship so they end up leaving for that other visual stimulant.

i think you are confusing the successful black woman with the needy woman. A successful black woman just wants a man with equal attributes and that can equally provide as well contribute to the relationship with mental/emotional happiness. As I stated before theres a small % of black men that can really say that they are ready to set aside the games and honestly be apart of a real growing relationship. People should start messing with those that have the same intensions as they do. I want kids in the future so I’m not busting my butt for no reason—makes no sense to mess with somebody that won’t be able to provide the type of lifestyle I want for my future kids. People assume the successful black woman is going to spend money on cars/clothes/unnecessary things for her kids…me I want my kids involved in extracurricular activities, better schools, and better food. Rewards when they are doing well in school, the right mindsets about hard work. That type of stuff costs money. People don’t understand what should and needs to be put into having children, especially black children–they have nothing to do these days…

money isn’t everything but say that to the black communities….

Daintyjen you want a certain lifesytle for your future family, i dont see a problem with you as long as you are honest in the relationship about that future lifestyle you want for your family, just be realistic about time constraints and expenses for your future endevors. also remember this is the future not reality things change.

Well…. This is my first post in a looong time. You ladies comments remind me of my mother. My mother is the successful black woman that women prob wish to ultimately be. She won(as she saw best). She is now a retired multi-millionaire. She just emailed me yesterday saying she was walking around in Athens, Greece. “Can’t wait to see you on X-mas” ,said she. She rose up as an educated “House Negro”, Degreed. She sucked up her ego and played her cards first as a temp, then later employee of a fortune 100 corp…bit her lips until she became indispensable to her corp. and then got natural hair, 4-5 weeks vacations and the whole 9. She divorced & left my dad when I was 3yrs. He was 6’5″ 255lbs Degree from Southern U, Baton Rouge, life of the party. and c**ky. and in the 70s..couldn’t get a job. Stressed out…He began drinking. Heavily. She later remarried to an intelligent blue collar worker. with a stable job.

Me..I’m her son, the educated “Field Negro Hybrid”. Private schooled, and classic piano trained. All American Track Athlete. But…I don’t look nor speak soft and crack jokes like Martin Lawrence, Or Al Roker, the Nutty Professor, or Cleveland. I’m 6’3 215 and have been working out since I was 13. I learned early when I graduated from college Employers were HIGHLY intimidated to hire me. I was told by a recruiter that I might take her job one day and she had to protect her situation. But they’d hire a black woman. Bewildered, Old men told me as advice…Shucking and Jiving isn’t dead son. Do what you have to do. If you wana eat or feed ur future family. So I began starting up businesses. first 3-4 fizzled then I found something that paid really well ($80-$110k yearly) but didn’t have the TITLE. I was basically a Hustler w a business finance degree. I’d get a crew and make my money legally on the streets hawking goods and then flip it in the various financial markets. I was cash rich, but status/image poor. Cuz I had my money out in various projects.. making more money. I dress well & I owned 3 work trucks but not the Benz (actually a ford escort) and women didn’t wana stay nor ride in that. So they came in went. Like in a turnstyle. I remember taking a lady I reall liked to a private black tie dinner one time. India Arie and Music Soulchild were the entertainment. $250 per plate. She never called again. Cuz I rolled her in my Escort. funny thing..I’d borrow my blue collar step dad’s Lexus to hang out on the town at night and women would just CROSS THE STREET to see what was up with me. But when I was in my vans, or blue bandit(escort) which i owned, I couldnt get any rhytym. And I made waay more than him.

Now years later I bought my second house. 4br. worth $190k and have less than 100k to pay on it. I was looking at a stage 3 dodge Viper..but I’m holding pat cuz I’m still uncomfortable about this economy. No notes. Had a 2004 Cadillac Deville, but had to hawk it when my business went south. But I’m a clever hustler and found a new income stream. And I’ve stabilized and work even less now. And the money is coming in. But Im back in the trenches in the work trucks. I have a financial Portfolio now…but that’snot be to touched yet.

Now I’m here looking across the street or across the bar at these “successful women”. They all look cookie cutter to me. Same shoes, weave, handbags, and same drinks ordered at the bar. Most are overweight from “fine dining”. Same townhomes, hairstyles, and same churches. Accomplished house negroes I see. In my soul I dont want any of em. I just put up with them to have a warm bed. They claim to be independent. But I see a total reliance by them on a European based system. They are simply too cool with helping these Euros get major money while they get slivers. They only buy black/latin 4-5% the time with any purchases made. They are in summary similar to my moms whose been all over Europe, but not Africa. And we’ve not truly spoken in a while cuz Farahkan and the Hebrew Isrealites and Nuwaubian “do for self” ideologies are in the back of my mind even tho I don’t stand on the corner slingin’ bean pies or saying “the Devil this” or “the Devil that.

But here’s my dilemma. The conscious sistas don’t want me. Cuz I’m not into Spoken word, African drums, and vegetarianism. I shave my face daily. No dreadlocks nor beard. No tattoos. I’m not a full fledged-enuff “field negro” it seems. Most are too artsy for my taste and not well grounded in reality.

I value fitness. I’ve a physical body that is sturdy and can easily reach 100years. These black women….are just too big and too comfortable with the bigness. Euro society only puts this big image as acceptable on the big screen or little screen. Diabetes? please. This is why I’m in my 30s and keep going after 19-23yr old women. Firstly cuz I can, and 2nd cuz they haven’t blown up. Yet.

I’m now on an island just like You ladies. Ya’ll want monogamy, schooling, stability, and titles. I want fitness, Intelligence, and consciousness. Where is my support network?

Quick advice black women. Re; Black men being monogomous. Ain’t gonnna happen. Ever. Esp if we have paper coming in. and large male parts. You wont let us be that. Learn as women to control and guide the black man’s true sexual nature as defined by thousands of years of history, and that will b the key for a happy and long term marriage/realationship.

@daintyjen…on point. I think they have success mixed with NEEDY. BIG difference. Its not that successful women CANT get a man…I dont think they put forth the effort at times because of career and social status, material things etc…I also dont feel that EVERYONE that comes together in a relationship just has to provide financially equally. Dont get me wrong, I dont want someone who cant help me at all…BUT I want to know we are on the same page with the same intent and goals. If that man and I are not on the same financial level, then so be it..Im not going to give up a good man because I make or have more physically/material wise than he does. If im a doctor I dont expect or only look for a lawyer, just to put out a general example.
I guess at MY point in life after all the shallow things ive gone through, the disrespect, going for a man for the WRONG reasons, listening to the ‘homegirls’ and all that crap, I’m just MORE into what he can do for me personally,mentally,physically,emotionally. The current man im dating is in the military, Im in medical…I make a little bit more than he does and I have gotten further in school…Does that make him less than me? NO. Is he not good enough for me? Yes he is. Do we both workout, stay in healthy shape for ourselves as well as to appeal to one another? Yes we do. We talk, get along, common interests etc…We even disagree and get ‘huffy’ with each other but we never disrespect. THAT is ALL I have been looking for. Could I be with someone who has more financially or materialistically…ofcourse I could..but im not after that. Im content/happy/pleased with the way we GROW.

DESHAWN121_”all Im saying is when you hear black men say they love thick sisters and gigantic booties stereotype bull its just that, BULL. when a brother get to a certain level in his career or status and gets succesful you better believe he will have that slim women on his arm thats making a effort to look good.dont let black men fool you, their criteria of shape would be just as strict as white men if giving the same options of slim sisters, havnet you noticed that the slim sisters with great shapes always have a cattle call of men going for them, its because their isnt enough.”…Ok these men you speak of are NOT real men. See a REAL man would be content with his woman if she is healthy and in good shape, not skinny/slim. That wouldnt be a factor to a real man. Lets take Tiger for a minute shall we…He has that wife thats slim/pretty etc…but he went out and found THE EXACT SAME LOOKING WOMAN TO CHEAT WITH. My point…the look often times is NOT the end all be all. He had that slim woman, and went for women who were in fact not as good looking as his wife…WADDYA KNOW! As far as the slim women having a cattle of men after them..Honey I am NOT slim as you well know, and I can honestly say that the slim woman’s cattle is the same exact cattle thats after women of EVERY shape and size! Kobe married the lovely Vanessa..who did he go for??? a trailer park trash WHITE GIRL…Vanessa has a WAY better shape than that chick did, but he STILL went after her…Slim women are not the only women on the earth that make an effort to look good. do you really think every man REALLY wants a skinny woman on his arm? No offense but you need to get out more and not base your assessment on the SHALLOW men of society that we see in the media everyday, they do NOT represent the real men walking around. If a man gets to a certain point in life and SLIM is what he feels he HAS to have…then baby, me nor daintyjen want those kind if they can be swayed that easily!
“its disturbing because you are saying black women wont go to the gym to slim down or try to look good for their partner becaue THOSE women are plastic and its impossible for any women to always look sexy,excuses excuses no one said always but make a effort.” I never said black women WONT go to the gym to look good. Im saying NO woman should have to go to the gym to SLIM DOWN. Again, everyone does NOT want to be slim. I am not slim and I DONT WANT TO BE, and it has NEVER stopped me from meeting whatever man I chose to. There are those of us who are genetically pre-disposed to having certain body attributes that we can NOT slim down. I could NEVER be 130lbs…its just not in me to be as such..no matter how much i workout, eat right, which i do, or whatever..I never fall any lower than about 175lbs which is very healthy for me and still thick but NOT slim/skinny. Im not making any excuses. I think EVERYONE should always look their best and not to catch the opposite sex but just because its the right thing to do. I dont condone the whole “Mo’Nique BBW love yourself no matter how fat you are” movement. I think thats a bunch of BS. No one should be 300 or 400lbs, its just not healthy not to mention it doesnt look good. (ah damn here come the BBW’s to attack me! lol). And yes my sweet you did say ‘ALWAYS LOOK SEXY AND APPEALING” Those were your words..I quoted you. I say it again, it is impossible for every woman to ALWAYS be sexy and appealing because sometimes we ALL have those ‘blah’ kind of days/times…OOPS! and men dont ALWAYS look sexy and appealing, and A LOT of them dont make the effort either, but yet complain about women who dont…SMH. Did you know that Biggie Smalls put Faith Evans on an extensive 3 month diet BEFORE he would ALLOW her to release another album? Now why doesnt that ‘look good’ mantra work both ways? And we all know what the B.I.G looked like! Did he EVER lose any weight during his tenure in the public eye? NOPE, never. And if im correct, faith evans had her career and status BEFORE he came out…HHMMM? Let that one marinate.

I say again, looks are a part..BUT if the persons mindset isnt with it like it should be, then its not going to work..we see that EVERYDAY in life, on the news, read it in books and on and on…You need to drop that slim women have it better than the rest mindset…youre losing the war with that one.

@Bighooha_”I’m now on an island just like You ladies. Ya’ll want monogamy, schooling, stability, and titles. I want fitness, Intelligence, and consciousness. Where is my support network?” All I have to say to this is ‘firstly’ stop looking for 19-23 year olds and you MIGHT find a GROWN woman who has what you are looking for. If you are looking for all of these things within a TEENAGER, then for all your degrees and money and houses…you LACK common sense. NO 19 year old can offer a man in his thirties anything but a warm bed and cold brain..which do you prefer?

“Quick advice black women. Re; Black men being monogomous. Ain’t gonnna happen. Ever. Esp if we have paper coming in. and large male parts. You wont let us be that. Learn as women to control and guide the black man’s true sexual nature as defined by thousands of years of history, and that will b the key for a happy and long term marriage/realationship.” LOL, I really laughed out loud at this…I hope the other men in the forum noticed how far BACK you just placed you all as a gender. lol. So you are saying no man with money or a big d*ick can be faithful? If that is the case then why did YOU earlier in this same post say YOU are looking for certain things in a woman? Since you say you guys cant be faithful anyway…Just keep on with your warm bedded teenagers babe…And even though im not 19-23 years old, I have NOT blown up. Again to you men stop generalizing ALL of us. If you are the kind of man black women have to look forward to in the world of relationships….good Lord thank GOD im not one of those teenagers you love. Learn to control and guide the black mans sexual nature and thats the key to happy? So youre also saying that the black man is RULED by his d*ick? As long as we keep a tag on the sex then we should all be cool? Nevermind commonality, sensibility, intelligence, converstaion etc…JUST keep an eye on your sex habits? OK, Gotcha! I love how you typed damn near a full page of what you have and what your parents have and how good your moms is doing…YAWN, you didnt say ANYTHING of relevance to how we as black women/men can further our own relations. You only succeeded in letting everyone know that you prefer to mess with girl children because they havent blown up yet..in my world, thats what we call SHALLOW. Find a woman to feed your mind as well as your sexual needs..a 19 year old just ‘aint’ gonna do it. IF you care to respond back, feel free I look forward to it because it was oh so easy…And by the way very intelligent, powerful, strong, physical God of a black man…’FIRSTLY’: definition as improperly used for the word ‘first’, no such established term. This one was too easy..NEXT!!! LOL

Society, world views has created the majority of the views and expectations of a relationships. Most of us think what society/world says is truth about an relationships, concerning how a man/woman should be to us/for us; we set our validation premise upon this false value system of the way a relationship should be; we have watched it on tv, like a fairy tale. listen to others, passed down from generation to generation……..Very few, I say very few has done it correctly…..”know thyself first/love thyself first” because until you do, you can not love another, or allow another into your space/world in a healthy emotional way…..It is not about sexing…sex is the lowest act of the relationship, even a dog sex one another and trot on down the street, and find another one to sex…so please bring your consciousness awareness level up to the realm of understanding of who you really are…..Satisfaction will never be found in another, satisfaction comes from within, do a inner journey and find you, know you, love you, evolve yourself first; but normally it takes coming to the end of yourself to go on that journey of “you”, something tragic has to happen, to turn you from seeking outside of yourself for love….ONce you find and tap into that which you are within, all that is due you will come to you, you will not have to seek it, it will just vibrate to you, and love will be like magic, a sweet mystical aire to it, no effort on the physical part, just a unfolding from the spirit part of you….but few will believe, you have not awaken yet, but the few that will believe…enter in. Have you notice very few are fulfilled from this man or that woman, always looking for something else, or some new thing, because it is an external seeking actions that can not fullfill you, never will…..you will go through hundreds of partners seeking for that fullfillment….fillfullment is never found in another, or things, “only within you”, it is so simple that many miss it….

califemme i agree with you, bighoohaa is statement is confusing, im not sure if he was promoting himself as a potential bachleor of the year , bragging about his exploits with 23 year old women or uplifting his mother as a successful business women.I for one dont buy into any women having to setttle with a man who wants multiple partners. oh yea enough with the big bootie thick chicks and big d**ck brothers, these are all childish stereotypes thats need to stop, we are more than just sexual animal with over size appendages and small brains.

but cali fem i will apoligize if i didnt clarify that when i said slim i didnt mean all women should be skinny ,i was more about stating black women should slim DOWN, im attracted to women with curves so i would never say women should be skinny but i do feel many black women should slim down a bit.Im just being honest that the average black man is lying to sisters when they say they love real big women, dont get me wrong some men are into big women no matter the race, they can be big and black or big and white it dont matter to them, some black men go with big women for convience.
oh yea your description of a women is different than how a man see a women, I see the differences in tiger choices but you dont.

Deshawn121…Well atleast we agree on bighooha…lol. I got your points, and I agree with and respect where youre coming from. Im not ashamed to admit that I PREFER and will ONLY talk to a black man who is in good shape..period. And that is only because I do the same so in that regard I feel that I have a right to ask the same in return. Maybe that is your point as well…if so, then you got me on your team with that one.

Yes we do see women in a different light, I being a woman havent assessed Tiger’s choices as im sure a man would have…Im sure they all have some differences about them other than those of his wife, true also…BUT for the most part, from what WE all have seen, I dont see a BIG enough difference in any of them physically for him to have chosen them..must have had graet personalities…lol

I don’t care if they successful an lonely tough luck on them Iam all I got at the end of the day I don’t need them.Because coming at a women like I need them is too weak for me Im not emotional an women money doesn’t mean nothing.Because their plenty of successful women of all races that still do men wrong so I dont see how money is going to make everything better.

Oh dare I say the truth that has been said? Educated, career track, good income earners to very high income earners, Black women are left without partners because there are fewer Black guys in their education,career paths, and income equal to these women.
Take out the Black guys who prefer White women/Asain/Hispanic,the gay guys, you do have a small amt. for all of the Black girls.
It is said more Black women go to college and a career track than Black guys.

Black girls need to either stay single, go on their girls/girlfriends group dates again, whine and complain about no Black guys, date down beneath their status OR think and get outside of the box.
The solution-Get out there and date men of other ethnic groups.
What else can you do?

A lot of people before me have said some great things … My 2 cents focuses on the comment by BreBuffalo (date down beneath their status).. Now that’s a problem for me.. What status?? The money, the type automobile, house, what?? This is one of the biggest problems I have with black women… (Status) ..WTF?? At one time n my life, I had two late model cars a motorcycle and a double wide that I owned… My girl had a BMW, a high end apartment, and her apartment was decked out.. The difference was that she had bills up the azz and EVERYTHING that i had was paid for… She had the better job, business suits, upscale friends that looked down @ me and all… Who had the so call STATUS in this situations .. damn sure wasn’t her… she was broke .. I was always dirty but i was getting it… The point I’m making is, stop judging the book by the cover and stop that find someone on my level crap, that’s just a hold down… If you want someone nice and that’s going to treat you right, then look for that and not for all that other stuff.. (Dig beneath the Surface)!!!

i have something that i have to say and ladies plz forgive what iam about to say but iam just being real i love ya’ll but you all don’t know what you want in a black man you say that you want one thing but then as soon as you get you go and chase the man away all becuse of you feel or what you hear from your friends iam 23 year black that is looking for a sista that knows whats she wants and knows how to get it but must of all i i want a sista that will be more thing will to work with you and be with you and just goin sit here and bulls**t with on certain s**t and then make excuses for it because to me how i feel it that with certain thing you sista’s are never happy and never satisfied with what ever it is that we do you all and you wanna fight with us all the time you can have things your way all the time what i don’t get is how can you sistas and talk s**t about us not all of us are bad some of us are doing some and or tryin to get something under there belt but every time he tries you cuzz him out or disrespect him and you all wonder why you all are so loney is because you all chase the good men away thats why you have alot bad ass dudes thats out here treatin all bad you all can sitt here and say that good guys dont give you all excitement but the only thing a bad ass dude can sitt her and give you a headache or a heartbreak but that just how i feel i love my sista’s i do but you need for figure out what you all want in man insted of bashing us all the time you all need to look at yourselves and see what u all did wrong becuse if the brotha’s was to sitt her and talk s**t about all of you sistas you all would all up in arms about it and be ready to kick our asses for it i dont mean harm i don’t mean no disrespcet to any sista that i might offend but thats i feel and if you feel differant then plz respond back cuz i would love to hear you side on what you think but that all iam sayin if u say that you a real sista and a real woman then prove not only to them but prove it to yourselves and stop bulls**ttin so much on the good men that are out here and give them a chance cuz u never now that good man might give you all the excitment that you ever .

ok computers back yeay! lol

now @ al4love32 I wouldn’t say black women don’t know what they want in a black man. I think you are discussing another type of female. The example you gave applies to women of ALL races and “statuses”. If you are a man working towards something and you have a woman kicking you down, then you are just as silly as the woman staying with the man that beats her azz. I do believe SOME successful black women push their man a little too hard while he’s trying to achieve his goals. BUT I seriously doubt that “successful black women pushing their men too hard” is the REASON why a whole group (successful black women) is single. If thats the case then in a way; your justification would be contradicting your statement. You said that women chase away the good men especially the good men that are trying to achieve something so therefore the men leave. The nagging woman didn’t leave you, she may be on your back but she didn’t leave you. Your theory is that women should tolerate/wait and have more compassion, but why can’t the man have compassion/understanding and pull aside his woman and sit down and ACTUALLY talk to her? Both sides are wrong in this situation so I think its a lot deeper then that. There are cases like that but I think thats just a Lifetime episode. Just look at black communities and the amounts/rates of black men falling into the “stereotype”. Nagging is definitely not the reason. Not all black men are the same, but people do have to realize that the % of black men that haven’t “fallen” is very small and that small % is to be competed for amongst successful black women and women of all races and personalities/backgrounds.

@ jayslay34 its obvious that your ex didn’t have a “status” other than goofy status lol. The topic is about the successful black woman…not the needy-drama loving-delusional type of female.

As far as looking for “other” things, what people fail to realize is that there is a balance between “getting treated right” and “finances” in relationships. Its cool when you are getting your life on track but if you are going to stay on the 1 track your whole life—then you can’t be mad at those that don’t want to settle for that. A man can treat me right and I’ll appreciate it but there comes a point where people need to think about where they are trying to go with the relationship. What if somebody ends up pregnant? Do you all plan to get married? or other unexpected surprises? The time to get your life on track isn’t when the unexpected happens. You can’t agree to be in a committed relationship and then act like yal are still in the puppy love phase. I did the same thing awhile back, I went with the “good guy” that treated me like a queen but at the end of the day he wasn’t looking at the big picture. He wanted to marry and have a whole bunch of kids but didn’t feel like he should go to school. He wasn’t trying to create a business or anything. He said the same thing “i was on his back& nagged too much” when really I went with him on a lot of different college and carer tours. Now like 2+ years later–he’s still sweet as ever but he is also still broke. I’m lucky to have ran into my current bf for he is very well off BUT if he was just starting out in school and was laboring I’m fine with that because he’s trying as opposed to being lazy. Treating some one right is only a fraction of a relationship. You can’t always assume that people who are financially stabled and wants their mate to be as well means that they are all about material things.

I guess the solution for those GOOD successful black women are–clear your schedule and be more aggressive. Pay attention to those that are on the same page. Don’t try to turn a boy into a man..he should already come “assembled” [haha].

As for the black communities, start caring…

and wtf @Bighooha_…I can’t even comment on that mess, I feel like I just woke up from daydreaming….

LOL….Well atleast we are ALL in agreement that bighooha needs brain INTERVENTION for that gaggle of crap he copied and pasted from Bullshyt.com….LOL

[...] Author Details Lives Of Successful But Lonely Black Women In D.C. [...]

[...] Author Details Lives Of Successful But Lonely Black Women In D.C. [...]

[...] Author Details Lives Of Successful But Lonely Black Women In D.C. [...]

[...] Author Details Lives Of Successful But Lonely Black Women In D.C. [...]

Hmmm Interesting. Ok, i Live in Washington DC and have for a long time., I dont think there isnt the right kind of blck guys available, to tell you the truth..i honestly think that Alot of blk women truly dont know what they want. They say everything that sounds politically correct, u know, the type of things that sounds good in the ear..loyal, attractive, educated, dedicated, knows how to treat a woman..but honestly i think that’s secondary..what alot of women “REALY” look for is a guy making six figures, big house and a nice car. That’s primary Period. That’s the foundation of the problem because not everyone has that status.

Sinbad Comdey Special says it best about relationships, smile sometimes, so tired of colored issues its called the human races you will positve and negative people in all do you be happy.

As a single black successful middle aged man living in america when i read these stories of single black women unable to find a suitable black man for relatioship or marriage i scratch my head in amazement. Is this a media frenzy created to give black men another negative stigmatta that we cant handle monogamous relationships? I dont believe the hype of this phenomenon! here is the deal people so many black women are not being real with what they really want in that black man” so many have gotten involved with the players, thugs, abusers, and guys who play to the tune most of these women orchestrate. Here is what i mean she meets two types of men one may be a low skilled worker yet his character is strong, good morals, spiritually sound and will be there for her always; she listens to her bourgeiose girlfriends who reminds her of her higher education, how much money she makes, and what would her family, coworkers think if she got involved with this sort of man. So she chooses the other guy we all know what i’m speaking of and six months later she is crying to those very girlfriends who told her to lose any thought of that good old blue collar guy because he is not in your league. Be real black women there are lots of good black men left you just have to remove the blinders because for real its men like that who your grandmother, mothers, aunts, and other relatives married and they provided a wonderful life which afforded there children to go on and get those educations which led to the great jobs, big houses, nice whips……

Women just have standards that few men can uphold, while the women have nothing to show for themselves but their jobs and their egos.

Most men are smart enough to look for sex first before getting into relationships with these women