Donald Trump‘s loyal cultists like to tout their MAGA overseer as a political outsider—a politician who’s not really a politician. It’s not true, of course. Just because Trump had zero experience in politics before he was elected president doesn’t mean he isn’t your quintessential pandering politician. In fact, even among career politicians, Trump stands out as an especially dishonest and scandalous one, which is like a dirt clod standing out on a dirt road.
At any rate, it doesn’t get more politician-like than when Trump went to a city that had recently suffered a disaster to bring citizens bottles of water with his name on it, handing out MAGA hats, bragging about being the first politician to arrive, and ignoring questions about how his own policies likely created an environment where such disasters are more likely to happen ing the first place.
According to Business Insider, on Wednesday, Trump paid a visit to East Palestine, Ohio, nearly three weeks after a train derailment caused a toxic chemical spill putting the city right smack in the middle of an environmental disaster. Trump, being the great philanthropist and non-politician that he is, pledged to donate thousands of bottles of water, “Trump water” to the citizens of East Palestine—something he never had the inclination to do when Black communities in Flint, Michigan, and Jackson, Mississippi, during their water crisis caused by environmental disasters.
“We’re bringing thousands of bottles of water—Trump Water, actually,” Trump said. “Most of it. Some of it, we had to go to a much lesser quality water. You want to get those Trump bottles, I think, more than anybody else.”
First of all, “Trump water” sounds like it’s just extra sour orange juice made from concentrate and the Devil’s phlegm. Secondly, this man is such a politician’s politician that he can’t even pretend to do something charitable during a time of crisis without making sure to promote a brand with his name on it in the process and essentially turning the environmental disaster he might have helped cause into a campaign rally.
The former president’s visit to the northeastern village preempted Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg’s arrival by one day, and Trump relished every opportunity to castigate his Democratic successors, saying Buttigieg “should have already been here,” and commanding President Joe Biden to “get over here,” according to local reports.
While assuring East Palestine residents that they had “not been forgotten,” Trump managed to tout his own presence in the besieged community and brush off questions about his administration’s noted history of rolling back regulations on both rail safety and hazardous chemicals.
Trump started his day by briefly visiting with local leaders, according to WKBN-27, before conducting a small press conference at a fire station, where, donning his signature “Make America Great Again” hat, he handed out a flurry of red baseball caps to attendees.
According to Newsweek, the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) reported that local public water supplies were not contaminated by the train derailment, although authorities have warned against drinking water from private wells until all testing is concluded. But Trump, being the kind-hearted man he is, and totally not an opportunist, played on the citizens’ concerns that public water might not be safe to drink. Honestly, It’s probably only a matter of time before he starts tossing around rolls of paper towels as he did in Puerto Rico.
Anyway, the fine folks on Twitter had a field day mocking the former president for his display of extra-politician-like politicking under the guise of, well, caring about people.
And, of course, plenty of people noted that he’s suddenly pretending to care about environmental issues after spending his presidency rolling back Obama-era policies that might have prevented the disaster.
Of course, to let Trump’s loyal supporters tell it, “Trump Water is the BEST water” and “the purest water known to man.”
Imagine dry-humping Trump’s leg like this because you think he’s blessed Ohio with Orange Jesus water.
The 2024 presidential election season is going to be a long one, y’all.
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