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FRIDAY afternoon was sliding at last toward evening, with what promised to be a weekend of memories and laughter ahead. Defarra Gaymon, 48, the charming and dapper chief executive of a credit union 900 miles south in Atlanta, had been back in his boyhood home in New Jersey for only a matter of hours, and already he was supposed to be in two different places at once.

He had told a former pastor that he planned on attending Family Vacation Bible School at St. Paul Baptist Church in Montclair, the church where he married his high school girlfriend, Mellanie Peoples, more than 20 years and four children ago. The class was to begin at 6 p.m. that day, July 16. At that exact time, he was due at Egan & Sons, an upscale Irish pub a mile away, to join a reunion of alumni from Montclair High School, where he graduated in 1980.

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