Men – why do you cheat? When it will cost you your assets, spouse, close contact with your children – and in extreme cases, even your life? This is not a bona fide man-bashing piece, replete with references to stars like Tiger Woods, and tragic athletes like football’s Steve McNair — who was murdered by his mistress who then committed suicide (and didn’t leave a will). No, this is a pure inquiry into the public’s reaction to Schwarzenegger’s Sexgate, and it is two-fold. One the one hand, we must ask the women why we are so scandalized, and the men must ponder: Was lying worth it?
It must be a law of nature that alpha males with resources galore are compelled to get themselves into sexual peril. Yet we are always surprised. And disgusted. A recent article on Details.com revealed that, “Americans find adultery more repugnant than polygamy and human cloning.” But (throws up her hands), it keeps happening! Why!? From Martin Luther King to JFK, this most sexually repugnant of social acts is perpetually performed by our most esteemed gentlemen, with the least attractive women.
Men of power (and those that want to be like them): If you intend to play Russian Roulette with your life by having unprotected sex with any available vagina, why bring other lives into the wager by making a public commitment to another human being? And women – why do we silently put up with it – while pretending we don’t want the same thing?
Yes, women cheat – but when it happens, you would never know. I bet Jackie Kennedy had a few pool boys and stable grooms stowed away for the hard times when Jack was out banging Marilyn. When Tammy Faye Bakker watched her bible-backed empire crumble to pieces because her husband used church funds to pay off his side piece, I bet she had a pair of strong, young arms to weep into. Men of power create bonds with the most intelligent, charismatic women in the world, who join forces with them because they also want to attain the pinnacle of success. That takes passion and fire. Could that kind of energy just wither away while a wandering man gorges himself on human flesh? I doubt it.
So I applaud these women for the secret affairs they were certainly having – because they could get what they wanted and keep the peace. Today’s male philanderers should take note. When women cheat, they won’t leave a paper trail. They don’t have outside children. They don’t perform acts that border on rape, drawing media glare. I don’t judge cheating men for cheating. I judge them for being sloppy.
Maybe future power wives should be as open — and perhaps average wives should consider the same. I question the purpose of straining to maintain fidelity if your male partner is highly likely to cheat. Recent studies put the chances at almost one in three, shooting up to 75% if a man knows he will never get caught. Perhaps more ladies should express what might be their natural ability to dabble without ruining lives. If cheating men followed their lead, they would stop:
1. Creating children that become emotionally scarred adults.
2. Transforming inspiring legacies into farcical dramas.
3. Reducing a couple’s prestige, which was maintained by a sacrificial wife, into rubble through callous acts of love.
I am talking about admitting the truth on both sides. All the pearl clutching over the infidelities of famous men is getting to be ridiculous. It is the playacting of maintaining a monogamous façade that creates the destructive nature of affairs. The requirement that the true nature of male desire remain a secret to women, and the stereotype that women are not interested in sexual variety, sets the stage for mutual disappointment. It’s sad to endure the pain of infidelity, but it’s equally odd that millions of women are invested in keeping all men totally committed when that is a laughable enterprise.
Perhaps the mirage of monogamy is a marital house of cards, destined for destruction as society marches into the new millennium. It’s obviously not for everyone. Instead of riding on Arnold, let’s explore this fact. His public act of disgrace is just the calling card of a new era in which men might openly admit their lack of interest in commitment, so women can become freer for nonjudgemental sexual expression — maintaining emotional fidelity where they see fit.
Instead of hurling moral judgments, we should objectively consider what might be possible for relationships in the future, given these realities, and move forward. Let’s discuss.