Ever since Kyle Rittenhouse was found not guilty of murder, it’s been speculated that he would be making the right-wing rounds and popping up at MAGA-friendly events across America because those are the people who supported him and those are the people who would continue propping him up on their collective shoulders and making him the hero he absolutely is not. Recently, Rittenhouse made an appearance on the journalistic graveyard that is Fox News where he surprisingly expressed support for the Black Lives Matter movement—which doesn’t at all change the fact that no real advocates of the movement want him for a fanboy, and it likely won’t dissuade all right-wing groups from continuing to gush all over him. (Although some of them are apparently big mad about it.)
So it should surprise no one that ex-President Donald Trump made his own appearance on Fox News Tuesday and told host and sentient white nationalist tumor Sean Hannity that Rittenhouse visited him at his Mar-a-Lago resort in Palm Beach, Florida, as CNN reported.
“He called. He wanted to know if he could come over, say hello because he was a fan,” Trump said.
Trump continued saying Rittenhouse had, in fact, just left the resort “a little while ago,” and that he “came over with his mother.”
“Really a nice young man,” Trump said of Rittenhouse before going on to pretend he knows literally anything about how the justice system works. “That was prosecutorial misconduct. He should have not have had to suffer through a trial for that. He was going to be dead.”
Despite all the chaos that happened in Kenosha, Wisconsin, over the shooting of Jacob Blake on August 25, 2020, Rittenhouse is the only person to kill or even seriously injure anyone that night—but sure, Trumple-weird-skin, “he was going to be dead.”
So yeah, Rittenhouse’s decision to kick off his “The Angry Whites Love Them Some Me” victory tour by paying a visit to the commander-in-Twitter-bans definitely falls under “water is wet” news.
Before the photo proof, it was a toss-up whether Trump was telling the truth. It’s not even an exaggeration to say that Donald Trump lies like a teenager trying to convince his peers that he’s one of the cool kids.
Trump once claimed he was invited by MLB to the World Series only for the league to deny it and say he actually invited himself.
Before that, he announced he was invited by the Yankees to throw out the opening pitch at the team’s game only for it to come out that he was never actually booked to do so and that he actually requested the honor.
Trump even once claimed that he turned down an invite to appear on comedian John Oliver’s late-night show, Last Week Tonight, to which Oliver responded by saying he wouldn’t invite Trump’s rotten orange peel face to be a contestant in a hideous tan competition, let alone his show. (OK, those were my words, not his.)
The point is, despite Trump being a rich and famous person who was once the president of the United States, one could scour the internet for every aspiring influencer they could find and they would still never find anyone who is as dedicated to clout-chasing as the orangey-white supremacist whose skin is indistinguishable from burnt mac and cheese.
Besides, Rittenhouse really seemed to be on a mission to distance himself from the MAGA-fied pale Dothraki hordes rather than embrace them as their mother of Klan-ish dragons. (Are people even still doing Game of Thrones references? Whatever, I’m still doing them.)
According to Insider, Rittenhouse said during a recent interview that he fired his former attorney, Lin Wood, “because he was, like, going on with all this QAnon and election fraud stuff and just stuff we don’t agree with.” (He also claimed his infamous Proud Boys photo op was a “set up” by Wood.)
Daaayum, Trump, you out here trying to make Rittenhouse your new apprentice (see what I did there?) and he’s out here publicly denouncing your persistent lies about widespread voter fraud being the reason you are now only the commander-in-lying-and-losing-and-lying-about-losing!
Maybe Rittenhouse and Trump sat down at a Mar-a-Lago table and drank crazy colonizer tea together and maybe they didn’t. Either way, these two caucasian degenerates deserve each other.