Twitter has died at the age of 14.
Twitter will be remembered as a vibrant, ambitious youth who hosted hundreds of millions of followers before it was viciously murdered by a villain who goes by many names, such as Phony Stark, Lex Loser and Apartheid Vader—but most people refer to him as Elon.
Twitter is survived by its older and younger siblings, Facebook, Instagram and TikTok. (Parler and Truth Social were barred from attending the funeral for the same reason liberal white people won’t invite their racist uncles to Thanksgiving dinner this year.)
R.I.P. Twitter. May Smart Phone Jesus forever hold you in his light. Amen.
OK, so Twitter is not dead, but the platform has seen a recent “mass exodus” of employees after Elon Musk issued his “hardcore” ultimatum for staff to get behind his “Twitter 2.0” initiative or get out.
On the platform Thursday evening, where #RIPTwitter was the top trend worldwide, users wrote what they feared might be their last posts, offering apprehensive goodbyes and listing the other (more stable) social media platforms where they can still be found.
They were reacting to the dire news emanating from inside Twitter. Scores of remaining employees at the social media company on Thursday appeared to reject owner Elon Musk’s ultimatum to work “extremely hardcore,” throwing the communications platform into utter disarray and raising serious questions about how much longer it will survive.
Inside the company’s Slack, a mass resignation effectively occurred after Musk’s 5pm deadline for employees to arrive at a decision passed. Hundreds of staffers appear to have called it quits, accepting Musk’s offer to exit in exchange for three months of severance.
Employees flooded the “#social-watercooler” channel with the salute emoji, indicating that they had chosen not to sign Musk’s pledge. A similar series of events unfolded in the Slack channel earlier this month as Musk eliminated roughly 50% of the company’s then 7,500-person workforce.
A former Twitter executive, who recently exited the company, described the situation as a “mass exodus.” Asked about the situation, the former executive said, “Elon is finding out that he can’t bully top senior talent. They have lots of options and won’t put up with his antics.”
“They will struggle just to keep the lights on,” the former executive added.
It’s doubtful that most people believe Twitter is being prepped for a plot in the social mausoleum as it transitions to internet heaven, but Black Twitter is still asking who got the body, who all is coming to the repass and whether Al Sharpton is available to deliver the eulogy.
Seriously, my people are hilarious.
It’s worth mentioning that not long ago, Musk was whining about how Twitter had suffered a “massive drop in revenue due to activist groups” who are trying to “destroy free speech” by, well, exercising their free speech.
Maybe it’s time for Musk to just admit he hasn’t been good for the platform whether it survives him or not.
Twitter isn’t dead, but it might be on life support and Musk might just be the clumsy nurse about to trip over the plug.
The last question is can Black twitter save the day once again? We guess only time will tell.
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