Inside The Penn State University Cocaine Operation [Op-Ed]

Apparently, Penn State University should’ve been named State Pen University, because while most college students are preparing to become working professionals, more than a dozen students and former students at Penn State have allegedly been preparing to, well, become felons and petty criminals due to their large-scale cocaine trafficking operation.

According to the Washington Post, on Monday, 13 individuals with ties to Penn State were charged with felonies and misdemeanors related to a cocaine trafficking operation that Pennsylvania Attorney General Dave Sunday said involved packaging cocaine at two fraternity houses and distributing it to students. According to the grand jury indictment, four of the 13 defendants are facing charges of felony corrupt organizations and conspiracy, among other offenses. A fifth defendant is charged with felony conspiracy and other crimes. Eight others were charged with misdemeanor offenses, such as simple possession.

But according to the state attorney general’s office, the whole operation started with two students, 24-year-old Agostino Abbatiello and 23-year-old Thomas Robinson. The two partners in collegiate crimes stand accused of being the main suppliers of the operation and making regular trips to Philadelphia and New York for “large quantities of cocaine” in 2023 and 2024.

“The cocaine was then cut and packaged — primarily at the Delta Upsilon and Sigma Chi fraternity houses — and distributed mainly to Penn State University students,” the AG’s office said.

Yeah — I have it on good authority that they were hiding the rest of the yams at their auntie’s house.

Nah, but seriously, I gotta get a look at these thugs who brought the ghetto to Penn State. Who are these hooligans? Let’s see the mugshots.

I knew McLovin from Superbad was headed down the wrong road. I mean, he tried to tell us.

OK, let’s see the other one.

Well, there’s a smile that says, “Yeah, I did that, and I’ll do it again. Gang, gang!”

So, I was going to ask where the fathers are in these young men’s homes, but, well — *ahem* — it turns out they are also selling cocaine.

Actually, according to the Post, Robinson’s father, 59-year-old Paul Robinson, was charged with trying to conceal evidence, including a safe containing drugs and cash. According to Trib Live, the elder Robinson is a managing attorney at the Pittsburgh-based law firm Meyer, Darragh, Buckler, Bebenek & Eck, PLLC.

I mean, this is the most Caucasian Tubi gangster flick I’ve ever seen.

“This was a coordinated and highly profitable drug-trafficking crew revolving around two senior members of the fraternities, other fraternity brothers, and pledges,” Sunday said in a statement Monday. “In fact, according to the evidence uncovered, cutting and packaging cocaine was, for some pledges, an indoctrination into the fraternities.”

Imagine being a freshman pledge for Delta Upsilon or Sigma Chi, and you’re thinking the worst-case scenario will be you with your pants around your ankles getting your bare ass paddled, but next thing you know, you’re butt naked in some back room at the end of a cocaine assembly line while your frat leader is on the megaphone shouting, “Whip it real hard, whip it, whip it real hard!“ (I don’t think they call it a “cocaine assembly line,” and I’m pretty sure Rick Ross was talking about cooking crack. But I don’t know — I don’t sell drugs, guys.)

You know what’s really crazy about this “Scarface goes to college”-ass story? It turns out it’s not even unique.

From the Post:

In 2020, federal prosecutors charged 21 people in a drug investigation involving current and former students at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, Duke University and Appalachian State University. They also named three UNC frats (Phi Gamma Delta, Kappa Sigma and Beta Theta Pi) in court filings. The network allegedly sold marijuana, cocaine, Xanax and other drugs.

And in 1991, federal and local drug agents burst into three frat houses at the University of Virginia: Delta Upsilon, Tau Kappa Epsilon and Phi Epsilon. At least a dozen students were ultimately charged with crimes, including selling LSD, cocaine, marijuana and hallucinogenic mushrooms. Authorities reported finding a marijuana-growing system in a fraternity house closet.

It’s nice to know that when people ask, “Are you book smart or street smart?” a number of people could respond, “I went to college,” and that still wouldn’t answer the question at all. There’s getting an education, and then there’s getting an education.

Anyway, stay in school and say no to drugs, or whatever.

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