This 27 year-old cat at my Factotum-like night gig hates Beyonce. He hates her songs, he hates her movies, he thinks she sucks.
“You just think she’s hot,” I say offhandedly. He is incredulous. I decide to explain.
“Beyonce is awesome,” I say. “She’s a great actress and her music is incredible. She’s easily one of the most talented women alive right now. Thing is, she’s only ‘ok’ looking. Anybody that doesn’t like her hates her because they think she’s beautiful.”
“That’s not it,” the 27 year-old cat protests. “She doesn’t make music for men. I don’t think any dudes like her music.”
Ignoring the insult, I petition for a second opinion. I ask a 24 year-old cat.
“Dude, do you like any Beyonce music?” I ask.
“ONE song!” demands the 27 year-old cat. “Can you name even one song that you like by her?”
“Ha!” I mock. Then returning to the 27 year-old cat, I add “You just think she’s hot.”
“I don’t think she’s that hot,” the 27 year-old cat protests.
“Sure you do,” I say. “The fact is though, when she came out, she wasn’t even the hottest member of Destiny’s Child, Kelly was. (First on the left) I didn’t even know who Beyonce was until the next album.”
“Kelly’s not hotter than Beyonce” says the 27 year-old cat. I’m shocked.
“Beyonce’s got a better body” says the 24 year-old cat.
“Ok”, I concede, “Even if the bodies make it a push, Kelly’s still got a prettier face.” They both disagree.
“Well name somebody hotter than Beyonce,” I say.
“Alicia Keys, Keyshia Cole…” The 27 year-old begins.
I get suspicious.
“Can either of ya’ll name one dark-skinned girl that you think is hotter than Beyonce?”
“Ya’ll are buggin’,” I say. “I can name at least 10 dark-skinned girls that are hotter than Beyonce off the top of my head.”
“Do it!” the 27 year-old cat challenges.
Now I have a problem. It’s not that I can’t name 10 dark-skinned chicks that I know that are indeed hotter than Beyonce, but picking 10 that the media has made famous enough for them to know might be a little tricky. I go for it anyway.
1. Gabrielle Union is unanimous.
2. Everybody also agrees with Naomi Campbell.
3. I’m alone with a pre-crazy Lauryn Hill.
4. The 27 year-old cat offers Tamron Hall and I co-sign.
5. I stick with Kelly Rowland.
6. The 27 year-old cat agrees with Malinda Williams but the 24 year-old is silent.
7. Jill Marie Jones is literally jumped on by all three of us.
8. When I offer Buffie the Body, the 27 year-old cat screams “You shoulda said her FIRST!”
9. My offer of Tasha Smith is greeted with indifference.
10. The 24 year-old cat offers Serena Williams and I co-sign immediately. The 27 year-old cat can’t however because he was the first one to call her ugly in another blog I’d done.