OPINION: Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy (Unless You’re A Republican)

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No one should be at all surprised that recently elected Massachusetts senate replacement Scott Brown awkwardly and embarrassingly offered his daughters Ayla and Arianna to the general public by making it clear that both young women were, as he put it, “available”. There has long been a strategy amongst the Republican leadership that involved getting their constituents all hot and bothered.

Who can forget Sarah Palin’s interminable winking during the Vice Presidential debate? A wink is a come-on. And if we had voted for Palin and her running mate John McCain, we were assured at least four more years of winks and innuendo.

It is impossible to imagine a group more sexually and morally repressed than far right wing Republicans. For these people, everything’s already evil, Independents and Democrats especially. So while the rest of us are free to enjoy our pornography and our masturbation glibly and indifferently, the Republicans must agonize over the torment that their natural impulses cause. There’s no easier way of controlling and manipulating a group like this than with the promise of sex. And the Republican Party shames Iceberg Slim by promising what they never intend to deliver.

I’m sorry Ms. Palin and I am for real, but you really don’t think we missed how you put your daughter Bristol out on ‘the stroll’ do you? When you found out that you were going to be a baby mama’s mama on what you thought was your way to the White House, you gave us Bristol as the flower of young womanhood, complete with ‘hunky’ soon-to-be husband Levi Johnston and presented them as the ideal for youthful Red State virility.

Now that it’s clear that you’re not headed to the White House, you’ve chucked Levi, you’re tossing us Bristol again and this time you’re giving us your daughter as both a new mother and a born again virgin!

It’s almost biblical!

Republican offspring also clearly suffer from some kind of white version of ‘Willie Lynch syndrome’ which proves that if you do something to someone long enough, eventually, they’ll start to do it to themselves.

Lord knows what compelled failed First Daughter Meghan McCain to show us what she was working with in a twitter photo.

I guess old habits are hard to break.

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