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Last week, I asked the all-important question, “When Does Supporting Black Men Become Tiring?” Judging by the slew of comments, it’s clear to see how the mere mention of this subject can set off a firestorm. But to both my female and male readers, I hear you and it’s not a one-sided convo. Yes, women are tired of dealing with nonsense, but what are we bringing to the table ourselves? Some of us are out here holding things down, but let’s be honest, others are, well, tarnishing the image of Black women everywhere. And it’s time we talk about this reality.

A few days ago, R&B superstar Rihanna gave a trademark edgy performance on the London leg of her tour. But perhaps this time, even the not-so-shy entertainer pushed the envelope a bit too far when she allegedly placed two of her fingers in her private area while on stage. As people from all age brackets watched her in that arena, and subsequently around the world in videos and pictures, I have to ask what sort of message is being sent to young women? And just as importantly, what are we saying to the world about the role of Black women in society?

To be fair, Rihanna isn’t to blame for all of our problems, but when we begin to openly display ourselves in this manner, we simply can’t turn around and then command respect. Just as we are tired of supporting Black men who can’t get it together, many of them who have it together don’t want some of us and rightfully so. Bottom line is, if you want quality, you must also give quality – and that means in every aspect of life.

And ladies, maybe we are sometimes passing up on the good men out here. Instead of looking for someone with good credit, a steady job, ambition and education, we are sometimes blinded by money, cars and flashy materialistic things and he better have gangsta sex (stop acting like you don’t know what I’m talking about). It’s important to remember that just like Rihanna’s performance is entertainment and not reality, so too are many of the superficial things we value around us.

When it comes down to it, it’s all pretty simple: you get what you give priority to. In these tough times, it’s important to figure out precisely what’s important to us as women so that there’s no question as to whether or not we’ll be sticking by our men or if they are sticking by us, but that both sides are worthy to be loved!


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