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I have a theory about people who dislike Beyoncé: Basically, they’re tragically flawed individuals that you should probably stay far, far away from. Like, how do you hate Beyoncé? Who hurt you?

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But alas, everyone makes mistakes though some certainly take their disdain (and their adoration too) against Beyoncé to sick, twisted levels of lunacy. Enter National Review Online writer Kathryn Jean Lopez, who described the Super Bowl Halftime Show as “ridiculous — and gratuitously so.” Of course, that lead to more faux-raging that served puritan realness throughout.

In “Put A Dress On,” Lopez writes:

Why can’t we have a national entertainment moment that does not include a mother gyrating in a black teddy?

The priceless moment was Destiny’s Child reuniting to ask that someone “put a ring on it.” As I mentioned on Twitter last night, perhaps that case might be best made in another outfit, perhaps without the crotch grabbing.

Of course, Lopez managed to work in a diss to First Lady Michelle Obama because she — gasp — happens to be a member of the Beyoncé fan collective known as the Beyhive.

More sexist whining:

It seems quite disappointing that Michelle Obama would feel the need to tweet about how “proud” she is of Beyoncé. The woman is talented, has a beautiful voice, and could be a role model. And she is on some levels — on others she is an example of cultural surrender, rather than leadership.

When I saw the first lady’s tweet, I couldn’t help but think of the president talking about abortion in terms of his daughters’ freedom. I so want the Obamas to be leaders on building a culture of marriage and fatherhood and human dignity. Their actions seem to be telling me to get over my delusion.

In other words, unless Beyoncé and Michelle Obama promote womanhood in Lopez’s image — which, of course, reads as largely tailored to a sexist male’s interests — they are not only unworthy of praise, but they are also undeserving of the tag “role model,” and evidently in Beyoncé’s case, deserve instead slut shaming.

Somehow, Beyoncé is the one who purportedly is an example of cultural surrender and NOT the woman condemning other women who take charge of their sexuality and reproductive rights.

Do you know what’s so amazing about Republicans? They’ll have a woman argue the same patriarchy we’re used to hearing from their older, White male counterparts and call it diversity. Zoom, watch the GOP work.

Case in point, another National Review writer, Rich Lowry, who echoed the sexism and slut shaming:

Someday a cultural historian will write the definitive history of the Super Bowl halftime and how it morphed from a showcase for the likes of the Grambling State University marching band to a platform for gyrating pop stars. (Michael Jackson started the trend in 1993.)

Beyoncé dressed like she was headed for a shift at the local gentlemen’s club, and put on a show that was an all-out assault on the senses. She was stunning and athletic, as well as tasteless and unedifying.

Gee, that doesn’t sound the least bit like one White writer’s contempt for all things female and Black at all.

Naturally, Lowry just loved the display of “real Americanism” conveyed in Chrysler’s Super Bowl ad that paid homage to American farmers. Well, the White ones anyway since that whitewashed ad wasn’t telling the total truth about the faces of the American farmer, but I digress.

How arrogant do you have to be to see voters both male and female reject your point-of-view in public polling as well as voting booths before it dawns on you to tuck your archaic ideas in and stop writing sexist and “I-miss-my-White-America” musings?

As conservative media continues to ignore that question, I’m about to go and enjoy the best Super Bowl Halftime Show I’ve ever seen for the umpteenth time:

Sound off!

Michael Arceneaux is a Houston-bred, Howard-educated writer and blogger. You can read more of his work on his site, The Cynical Ones. Follow him on Twitter: @youngsinick