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GOP Presidential Candidates Attend "BBQ Bash" In Cedar Rapids

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In today’s episode of House Sambo Square, GOP not-so-hopeful Larry Elder and presidential candidate for the Sunken Place HOA Jason Whitlock sat down together so Elder could continue to whine about being left out of the first Republican primary debate and Whitlock could continue telling people he’s “not a Republican” and “not a conservative”his beliefs just happen to fall perfectly in line with virtually every single stance commonly taken by Republican conservatives.

“The Republican party, just like the Democratic party, has to be torn down and remade,” Whitlock said before going on to basically boast about being the most Republican conservative-like non-Republican conservative in pretentious contrarian history before explaining that he’s “a MAGA guy,” which he proudly says “without any hesitance or any shame”—because for whatever reason Whitlock erroneously thinks literally anyone is surprised he’s a “hardcore MAGA” Trump supporter. 

“I’m MAGA because even the people who don’t understand that Donald Trump is speaking for them, I do understand that he’s speaking for the working class,” Whitlock continued. “And so, I think the Republican party’s got to fall just like the Democratic party’s got to fall.”


OK, setting aside the fact that Whitlock is adamant that a man who has never been part of the working class is “speaking for the working class,” imagine being a person who is constantly alluding that other people are sheep while sounding like a cult leader’s loyal acolyte and PR spokesman.

Anyway, at some point, Whitlock must have remembered he was there to interview a different Republican presidential candidate and not recite his personal love letter to Trump, so he quickly segued into something that was actually relevant to Elder.

“And I look how they’re treating you and you’re not on the debate stage tonight, and it just confirms in my mind—they gotta fall too.”

“I think you’re right, and I think that’s why they don’t like Donald Trump,” Elder said, apparently also forgetting that he’s supposed to be campaigning for himself and not the literal frontrunner in the GOP primary. (Seriously, what kind of MAGA house slave Stockholm Syndrome nonsense is this?) “And I think that is why the fix is in for Ron DeSantis. I think that’s the reason they excluded Larry Elder in this debate right now.” (Yes, Larry Elder apparently decided he wasn’t already obnoxious enough and thought unironically referring to himself in the third person was what the people needed.)

“As you know, I met all the criteria, but they claimed that one of the polls I submitted is not valid because, quote: ‘It is affiliated with Donald Trump,'” he continued. “So therefore they say I did not submit the three polls where Elder has 1% or more among Republican and Republican-leaning voters. I believe they want the field to be cleared for Ron DeSantis, and I believe that they think that Larry Elder is saying a lot of incendiary things about the lie about systemic racism, about the need to do something about school choice, about the epidemic of fatherlessness, the need for an amendment to the Constitution because both parties keep spending and spending…”

So, let me see if I have this right: Larry Elder thinks “Larry Elder” is being silenced by Republicans because “Larry Elder” blindly denies the existence of systemic racism, promotes school choice, spews anti-Black dog whistles, and believes government spending needs to be reigned in. Yes, and I’m also sure dogs are afraid of being sanctioned by the Coalition of Free Canines for barking and sniffing butts. (I’m saying Larry Elder absurdly claims he’s being silenced by Republicans for taking popular Republican stances, in case any of you are as dense as Larry Elder.)

It’s as if Elder and Whitlock are engaged in a Black conservative delusion Verzus battle. It would be hilarious if these two weren’t so cartoonishly annoying.


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