Author and host of The Slumflower Hour, Chidera Eggerue, joins the Small Doses podcast for a spirited conversation about patriarchy.
The author of the Sunday Times bestseller What A Time To Be Alone: The Slumflower’s Guide to Why You Are Already Enough speaks with Small Doses host Amanda Seales about the subtle ways that patriarchy impacts relationships between women and men.
Eggerue’s mission is to challenge patriarchy and empower women to recognize their worth when it comes to dating and choosing a partner. Patriarchy is defined as a system in which men control a disproportionate share of social, political and economic power.
As Seales notes in a brief disclaimer for Small Doses listeners, their discussion can in no way cover the behaviors of all men. The problem is the “system that is in place to support” values that minimize women’s rights.
Their conversation is not about vilifying men, but to challenge the ways in which women assess their own worth in seeking a potential boyfriend or husband.
“Everything I talk about comes back to love. If a man loves you he will pour everything he has into you,” says Eggerue. “Men can’t take you to where you’re going, but they can contribute to that journey.”
Women should feel empowered to recognize their worth and their needs, and to pursue that in a partner. Seales and Eggerue agree that too often, women are branded as selfish for having standards.
“When you are a woman who is powerful and knows the brightness of her light, you’re gonna attract fewer men,” Eggerue notes. “Because that’s the whole reason why you have standards. Standards are a filtration system.”
They also discuss men who feel the need to compete with a good woman “rather than to contribute to that light,” as The Slumflower Hour host says.
“Negging is basically when a guy knows that you’re beautiful and that you’re a star—that’s what drew him to you in the first place—but he finds little ways to chip at your self-esteem,” she explains.
Also covered in this conversation are codependency and the problem with fixer-uppers.
“A lot of us still think that our purpose is fixing men and building men up,” Eggerue says. “You don’t have to constantly have a man in your life for your value to be verified.”
Get the full conversation. Listen to this episode of Small Doses: Side Effects of Patriarchy (with Chidera Eggerue) here. This episode is also available on Apple and Spotify.
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