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If McCain wins . . . I’ll stare at the TV in shock. Then . . .

(1) War on Terror Version.

I’ll go down to my basement, bring up the hundreds of rolls of duck tape I’ve hidden there, and wrap it around my house.

I’d hug my family hard, as we hide out for four years.

Lucky for us, we have those tanks of water and cans of spam.

(2) Katrina Version.

I’ll cry so hard for hours and hours that it’ll start a flood.

My house will be ruined.

I’ll apply to FEMA, get a trailer and cover it with duck tape.

(3) Iraq War Version.

I’ll sign up at the local army office, and get shipped to Iraq.

If McCain wins, Iraqi politics will make more sense to me.

I’ll carry my duck tape with me.

Vijay Prashad is the director of International Studies at Trinity College and is the author of The Darker Nations: A People’s History of the Third World.

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