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Trump rally in Conroe

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Ten years ago, if someone told me a potential presidential candidate promised that if he were elected he would pardon violent criminals who committed a terrorist attack on U.S. soil, I would have said that person was out of their mind—but if said someone told me the terrorists were white and American, I’d find it significantly more believable. 

And because it’s 2022 and said potential presidential candidate is former President Donald Trump, I’m afraid the nation has become far too desensitized to conservative idiocracy for any of it to be the least bit surprising.

On Saturday in Texas, Trump had a rally, because Trump has rallies. Trump loves rallies like dogs love bones, butt-sniffing and doggy style. He loves them like Ben Carson‘s eyelids love to hug each other even when he’s supposedly wide awake. Trump was the only newly-elected president I can ever remember seeing continue to have regular rallies even after he won the thing he was initially rallying for. Trump needs a rally like a drug addict needs a fix. He needs it like Tucker Carlson needs female M&M cartoons sitting on his face. He needs it like Republicans need anti-critical race theory propaganda to win elections.

Anyway, Trump had a rally. According to CNN, he never explicitly said during this rally that he would be running for president again in 2024, but he dangled the possibility over his MAGA-mutts like a doggy treat for them to go fetch. And as a campaign promise for the thing he never actually said he was doing, he pledged to treat the jailed Jan. 6 Capitol rioters “fairly” even if that meant granting them pardons.

“If I run and if I win, we will treat those people from January 6 fairly. We will treat them fairly,” Trump said. “And if it requires pardons, we will give them pardons. Because they are being treated so unfairly.” (I guess his supporters forgot that he had a chance to pardon Capitol rioters before he left office and he declined to, but whatever.)

It’s worth noting that he said this after continuing to beat the deader-than-dead “stop the steal” horse by echoing the same thoroughly debunked claims about widespread voter fraud that prompted the Capitol Can’t Coup Right riot in the first place. It’s also worth noting that this is the same guy who basically pledged to go to war against Black Lives Matter because occasionally (but not the vast majority of the time) a riot broke out during a protest.

But Trump isn’t racist, the people going after him are.

“These prosecutors are vicious, horrible people. They’re racists and they’re very sickthey’re mentally sick,” he said of the probe into what New York Attorney General Letitia James said she believes to be Trump’s “misleading or fraudulent” financial statements. “They’re going after me without any protection of my rights from the Supreme Court or most other courts. In reality, they’re not after me, they’re after you.”

That man really is just a walking orange Kool-aid-flavored ball of delusion, isn’t he?

And the sad part is he might just become president again.


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