I‘m pretty sure Donald Trump fell asleep watching Juwanna Man one night and he woke up with a “yuge” idea for his next career path as a women’s basketball coach—and all he needs is for NBA legend LeBron James to be a woman.
Let me explain.
According to Newsweek, Trump was speaking at Turning Point USA‘s (TPUSA) Student Action Summit in Tampa, Florida, when he decided to rant about trans women competing in women’s sports. And because conservatives aren’t funny (seriously, right-wingers have no ear for comedy, which is why they still think “let’s go, Brandon” is a riot) Trump had jokes that really didn’t sound like jokes as much as they sounded like Trump wet dreams gone awry.
“I’d be the greatest women’s basketball coach of all time,” Trump boasted. “I don’t like Lebron James—I like Michael Jordan much better—but I’d go up to LeBron James…I’d say ‘Lebron, did you ever have the desire of being a woman? Because what I’d love you to do is star on my team that I’m building up. I’ll have the greatest team in history. They’ll never lose.”
This isn’t even the first time he’s said this. Newsweek reported that Trump said the same thing nearly verbatim in Nebraska earlier this year.
“I’ll say this to LeBron James, who I don’t like very much,” Trump said in May. “I’ll say, ‘LeBron, did you ever have thoughts about going woman? Because if you did I’d love to have you on my basketball team.'”
Look, I don’t like to kink shame, but at this point, I can’t imagine anything more cringy than Trump’s PornHub search history. Like, bro, just say you fantasize about LeBron as a woman. It’s weird, but it’s your truth, sir.
It’s worth mentioning that, while Trump is out here pretending he cares about women’s basketball, he also recently weighed in on Brittney Griner’s imprisonment calling her a “potentially spoiled person” who was “loaded up with drugs” and implying that she deserves to rot in a Russian prison.
So, I need Trump to stop acting like he cares about women athletes when really he just desperately wants to see LeBron in a skirt.
I’m not being mean here, guys. If I was being mean I’d mention that Trump is fantasizing about being a sports coach while possessing all the athletic ability of a sponge drenched in Mango Hennesey. Trump probably gets winded lying down in a tanning booth, which is why he gets out of the booth with the completion and texture of an actual basketball.
Meanwhile, somebody should check on LeBron. I’m sure he’s somewhere gagging right now. This is just not how one shoots his shot. (See what I did there?)