We’d like to propose a toast.
Here’s to the Republican Party for a year no one will soon forget. When 2008 began, you were still hopeful. A long trend of Republican gay sex scandals had finally come to an end and you were thinking that maybe you could sneak out of the shadow of the worst president in memory and really shine. That didn’t quite work out.
You launched into a presidential primary crawling with Mormons, cross-dressers, gay-hating bass players, and one enraged septuagenarian. You ran the one least likely to be alive in November, and you paired him up with a beauty queen whose political talent amounted to knowing five different ways of saying, “I know you are but what am I?”
You spent much of the autumn being blamed for the worst economy since the depression, then you even managed to get blamed for not doing what was necessary to fix it.
You lost one veteran Senator to an indictment. Liddy Dole made sure that the Bush dynasty would be the only GOP family dynasty to come to an inglorious end this year. You became known as the party of hate-mongering, your “base” was characterized by people demanding that their opponent be murdered. In the end, you lost all three branches of government and your only victory was limiting the sweeping Democratic victory to a few Senators short of a filibuster proof majority. Congrats.
It was a tough year, but that won’t prevent you from going out with a bang, no sir.