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Have you had your daily dose of Republican-centered craziness yet? If not, gather ’round for story time and indulge in this triple dose of crazy courtesy from the state of Arkansas. One is a state legislator, another a state congressman, while the other GOP goon is a former legislator looking to inch his way back in to fold. He might have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for meddling people like me helping to spread the word that he and those other fools are all undoubtedly out of their damn minds.

Let’s start with the slavery lovers first.

RELATED: Republican Legislator: Slavery Was A “Blessing” For Black People

In his 2010 book “Letters to the Editor: Confessions of a Frustrated Conservative,” Arkansas State Rep. Jon Hubbard (R-Jonesboro) (pictured) opined that slavery was a “blessing in disguise” and accused Blacks of not valuing education.

The Arkansas Times recapped portions of the book including:

“… the institution of slavery that the Black race has long believed to be an abomination upon its people may actually have been a blessing in disguise. The Blacks who could endure those conditions and circumstances would someday be rewarded with citizenship in the greatest nation ever established upon the face of the Earth.

Moreover, Hubbard believes that African Americans need to understand that we’re so much better off in America than our ancestral origin because, “Knowing what we know today about life on the African continent, would an existence spent in slavery have been any crueler than a life spent in sub-Saharan Africa?”

I guess we’re going to gloss over that whole colonialism and its effects on the continent thing, eh? Not to mention that there are several countries in Africa that are doing just fine right about now. Nope, we’re just going to gloss over that and sing to our xenophobic paeans not rooted in nuance or context, much less reality.

Arkansas Republicans with better sense, or at least the good sense to keep their nuttiness to themselves, condemned Hubbard and placed as much distance between him and the party as much as possible.

But unfortunately for them, Hubbard has a friend.

The Arkansas Times has uncovered similar points of view about slavery from Rep. Loy Mauch (R-AR, pictured above), who has written several letters to the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette in recent years, using Jesus to explain why slavery needs a better publicist.

One of the letters includes the following assertion:

… If slavery were so God-awful, why didn’t Jesus or Paul condemn it, why was it in the Constitution and why wasn’t there a war before 1861? The South has always stood by the Constitution and limited government. When one attacks the Confederate Battle Flag, he is certainly denouncing these principles of government as well as Christianity.

Where’s a bolt of lightning when you need one?

Think Progress also notes that Mauch believes the Confederate flag isn’t a symbol of oppression to Blacks or even Southern pride for the melanin-challenged, but a “symbol of Christian liberty vs. the new world order.” How YouTube false prophet of him to think so.

Keeping with the theme of old coots who cite God to lend credence to their crazy talk, meet candidate for the Arkansas legislature, Charlie Fuqua (pictured), who writes in his 2012 book “God’s Law: The Only Political Solution”:

The maintenance of civil order in society rests on the foundation of family discipline. Therefore, a child who disrespects his parents must be permanently removed from society in a way that gives an example to all other children of the importance of respect for parents. The death penalty for rebellious children is not something to be taken lightly. The guidelines for administering the death penalty to rebellious children are given in Deut 21:18-21:

Okay, so he’s got me there with at least citing the specific scripture, and yes, he did reportedly mention that “this passage does not give parents blanket authority to kill their children.” Nevertheless, he finds the scripture to “be a tremendous incentive for children to give proper respect to their parents.”

I’ll say.

I wonder has Fuqua ever worked on the Sabbath. If he has, Exodus 31:15 says he ought to be put to death. Heaven forbid. The Biblical literalist of convenience should be beaten or fatally stoned at his own game.

Hopefully, all of these stories have helped remind you of the importance of mental health, taking your prescriptions, not reading things with the historical accuracy of “The Little Mermaid,” and learning of ways to parent your children that go beyond Biblically-based death threats. As for me, I’ve never been more happy to be a liberal…and a heathen.

Until the next tour in Crazytown, y’all.

Michael Arceneaux is a Houston-bred, Howard-educated writer and blogger. You can read more of his work on his site, The Cynical Ones. Follow him on Twitter: @youngsinick

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