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I‘m honestly surprised that Republican U.S. House candidate Lavern Spicer lost her primary last month because she seems to have everything modern conservatives want in an elected official. She’s a Black cheerleader for white nationalism. She parrots right-wing talking points with no original thoughts of her own. And she’s demonstrably unintelligent and willfully ignorant regarding social issues. She’s basically Herschel Walker‘s House Negro Of The Dragon co-star. She’s Candace Owens‘ stunt double. She’s Jason Whitlock‘s sunken place roommate. She’s Ben Carson‘s human alarm clock. She’s Clarence Thomas‘ spare gavel.

And to put the icing on this sambo-sista-for-Republican-Black-friends cake—Lavern Spicer doesn’t appear to know what pronouns are.

“You will never catch me using pronouns,” Spicer tweeted Wednesday in a sentence that literally included two pronouns.

Now, clearly, Spicer is expressing her transphobic reaction to transgender and non-binary folk simply asking people to respect their preferred pronouns. Unfortunately, for Spicer and English nerds everywhere, she doesn’t seem to understand that pronouns exist outside of the paradigm of transness and non-binaryness.

She doesn’t even seem to understand that pronouns are part of grammar.

Stop. Teaching. Kids. Pronouns. And. Start. Teaching. Them. Grammar.

This is definitely a child George W. Bush left behind.

For the record, pronouns include he, him, you, we, him, her, yours, theirs, someone, where, when, yourselves, themselves, oneself, is, hers, when, whom, whose, each other, one another, everyone, nobody, none, each, anywhere, anyoneand so on. One literally can’t talk about themselves without using multiple pronouns. (I couldn’t even write that sentence without using two.)

Spicer also used several pronouns when she tweeted that she never experienced “real racism and white supremacy” until she ran for Congress as a Republican despite having “been Black in America all my life.”

She also appears to think Jesus excluded pronouns from his casual dialect. (He was all like, “shalt not steal” but he wasn’t specific about who, if anyone, should keep their klepto ways to a minimum.)

While I’m at it, I might as well be petty and point out that English and grammar aren’t her only soft points. She also let us know that math doesn’t really math “where I come from” and the MAGA-mammy Trump cultist also appears to think the next presidential race is “this fall” and not in 2024.

Honestly, Spicer’s entire Twitter feed is a sh** show of seat-at-the-table wishfulness. The same day she proclaimed that students should be taught grammar instead of pronouns—which is like saying they should stop teaching kids how steering wheels work and, instead, teach them how to drive—she offered up her random thoughts on George Floyd that nobody asked for.

Anyway, I’m not sure why Spicer is on Twitter at all since everything she posts just gets her roasted by just about everyone in all her comment sections. But it is fun to watch her get ratioed for every thought that comes to that white noise-filled head of hers.

Apparently, Spicer is out here trying to be the Black Lauren Boebert.

Again, this woman just seems perfect for the Black friend-desperate GOP. It’s a shame she just couldn’t tap-dance hard enough to gain her party’s favor. Maybe she should have shown them her English skills.


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