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White people saying “nigger.” That’s always pleasant right? Saying “nigger” eleven times with head held high? Feels more like a massage. A really racist massage.

In this week’s episode, we journey into the twisted, entitled mind of America’s favorite repressed, gay-bashing, antifeminist “radio therapist,” Dr. Laura. And what we find is a disease I like to call E.W.P.S., or Edgy White Person Syndrome. And even though Dr. Laura is already slinking away into the media twilight, her dysfunction will live on in every white person who asks the idiotic question, “Hey, you guys say it, why cant I?”

Now you will know how to answer them…

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Elon James White is a writer/comedian/bruncher. Follow him on Twitter and prepare for awesome!