In today’s episode of Oh, What To Do About All This White-On-White Crime? another ghetto Caucasian fight video is circling social media and, at this point, we should all just be relieved there were no porta-potties around this time.
This brawl reportedly took place Sunday at The Landing on Bowens Wharf in Newport, Rhode Island, during a wedding party. (You know they didn’t have any Black guests or someone might have warned them what can happen when the DJ plays “Knuck if You Buck” at the reception.)
The one-minute video begins with Newport police officers trying to break up the post-nuptial shenanigans, which, according to ABC 6, began after a wedding guest, identified as 44-year-old David Onik, was removed from the restaurant after he was accused of pushing one employee and trying to punch another.
Now, before we get any further into the video, as a card-carrying member of the Black Delegation’s White Privilege Watch department, I’m obligated to point out that a group of white folks were physically attacking and threatening police officers and not a single service weapon was pulled—not even a taser. Sure, one woman appeared to have gotten herself pimp smacked by the Caucasian version of Shaft, and another woman appears to have been laid smooth out and knocked unconscious during the melee, but this certainly wasn’t the kind of incident that will have cops practicing their “I was in fear for my life” tears in front of the mirror before an official investigation.
Anyway, here’s a rundown of what happened as reported by ABC 6:
Onik, 44, was then placed into handcuffs, while a second officer asked his wife, Rachel Onik, and his sister-in-law, Alexandra Flaherty, to stay back, read a police report.
Police said that the women once again approached Onik when officers were talking to staff at The Landing to see if the employee wanted to press charges.
Shortly after, Rachel came up to her husband for a third time. An officer then grabbed her arm to move her away, when police say she “tripped and fell over the uneven brick and stone.”
The police report went on to say that another person, only identified as a blonde woman wearing a white dress, then pushed the officer, who then pushed her to “back out of the way to create distance.”
While walking her away, police said family members nearby then crowded the officer. The officer claims several people were pulling and pushing him from behind.
When he turned, he said Flaherty “kicked [him] in the groin.” That’s when he slapped her in the face to “create distance.”
The officer was then hit by Robert Nash in the face, causing him to fall backwards and hit his head on the brick.
“My vision became extremely blurry to the point I could not focus on anything or even see people,” wrote the officer in the report. “I was unable to tell which way was up or down for several seconds leaving me completely defenseless.”
Police said another woman, Olivia Costello, tried to go in between Flaherty and the officer.
The officer called for backup multiple times as “blood was filling in [his] mouth and dripping off of [his] nose.”
First of all, you have to love how almost everyone involved in this fight has been identified by name like cast members in a sitcom. (It’s basically the Love and Hip Hop version of Friends.) Secondly, “I had to slap a Karen to ‘create distance'” has got to be the most comical justification for a use of force incident a cop has ever come up with. Officer Super Fly was not playing around with any brawling Beckies that night. Blue Dolemite was prepared to step on all of these signifying monkeys’ feet, backs and necks if he had to. I was just waiting for him to pull out his taser and say, “Look, I know this is a wedding party, but this ain’t the Electric Slide you want!” (I realize white people don’t do the Electric Slide at weddings, but you get the point.)
As for the woman who got knocked out, the police use of force might have seemed to be excessive but, well, cops have a really hard job and if she would have just complied instead of acting like a thug she would have been fine. Sound familiar?
Police said all five of the civilians involved in the fight were arrested on several charges including disorderly conduct.
This is America.
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